CSA Payments and Proof of a Cheating Girlfriend...

MartinL_4

looby75 wrote: »

ITA that its unfair in that kind of situation, but that's the way it is. If you have sex with a woman you automatically accept that there is a risk that she may get pg, even if you take precautions. No form of contraception is 100% effective, again another fact of life.

It's unfair but so is life.

likewise, when SHE was having sex with that other guy, she must have known there was a risk she may get pregnant, therefore she should be made to suffer the consequence of that action... whatever that consequence may be...

MartinL_4

Soubrette wrote: »

It's not fair but it's not the child's fault.

A woman has non consentual sex and ends up pregnant - fair?

A man uses condoms but has pricked a hole in them - fair?

A man assures a woman he is sterilised but has lied - fair?

Life's not fair - but the child should not suffer.

I'm afraid I'm out of this conversation because you are waaay to caught up with what should be fair for you. As a parent you need to put your own needs to one side and think of the child. All this talk of the child just seems to make you focus more and more about how poor old you is doing and how unfair it all is :rolleyes:

Yep, you are in an unfortunate position, yes it is unfair. Guess what - life is like that sometimes and you have to suck it up.

If life was fair to you, it would be unfair on your child - which is fairer?

Sou

your points are very valid. it is equally the man's responsibility, as it is the woman's... i am bitter about the way things have turned out, and i just have to accept them, because they are coming regardless...

i'm out too very soon, but thanks for your input...

Soubrette

MartinL wrote: »

now that is out of order. even i know that is inexcusable...

but my circumstances are vastly different from those of your ex-husband. however, i would like to think that i will never shrimp out on what my potentially upcoming son will need. he will have the best, believe me (once i know for sure if he is mine - but i was toying with the idea of waiting for as long as that took)...

since i started this post, i now believe i will get the test done, if only for the reason you mentioned above - to be a better role model than that cheating *****. someone already said, she'll get her come-uppance and i hope she does. i firmly believe what goes around, comes around...

Your last post softened me

I'm only complaining about my lying ex because he is an example of the NRPs out there who play the system to avoid their responsibilities in the same way that some PWCs do.

Good for you getting the test done.

Maybe her come uppance will be that you are not the father :eek:

Sou

MartinL_4

marksoton wrote: »

But what circumstances would change it ?

The mother of one of my children decided the best way to mend our failing relationship was to come off the pill without telling me and get pregnant. Does that mean i should not pay ?

no, of course not. it doesn't mean that you should not pay, BUT should you be treated the same by the csa as someone who had deliberately got a girl he met in a nightclub 2 hours earlier pregnant on a one night stand, by lying to her about having had the snip?

i think both of those circumstances warrant a different outcome, but they are both treated exactly the same by the csa.

marksoton wrote: »

The resulting mess when she decided she wanted to go through the CSA was unreal. It caused massive arguments with the mother of my other child who i had been paying quite happily for years privately. It meant i had to drag her through all the CSA garbage. End result, i barely see my stepson from that relationship anymore because of her anger. And all because this other woman decided to get pregnant on the sly and then insisted on going through the CSA ( even though i offered her more money privately ! ).

i have a funny feeling something similar is going to happen to me. i am happily paying child support for my son, following a private arrangement with his mother. his mother and i get on very well, and everything is very, very amicable. i have a feeling that if she ever finds out about this situation i now find myself in, then she will turn, and haul my !!! through the csa. it will get very nasty indeed, and i will have to fight to see my son. he lives quite a distance, and it's hard enough at the best of times to get time to see him...

marksoton wrote: »

Was i bitter ? You bet i was ( and still am to an extent ). But there comes a point when you have to dust yourself down,grow a pair and just get on with it.

For you that time is now, get the DNA and go from there.

i intend to!

MartinL_4

Soubrette wrote: »

Maybe her come uppance will be that you are not the father :eek:

Sou

haha! maybe!

although deep down i hope i am... i wanna do it all again. my boy is 6 now, and i remember how good it was (not that it's not good now!)

Soubrette

MartinL wrote: »

haha! maybe!

although deep down i hope i am... i wanna do it all again. my boy is 6 now, and i remember how good it was (not that it's not good now!)

Mine are 13 and 15 - I'm so proud of them both as they stand on the cusp of womanhood

They were gorgeous toddlers though

Sou

happymumto2

MartinL wrote: »

haha! maybe!

although deep down i hope i am... i wanna do it all again. my boy is 6 now, and i remember how good it was (not that it's not good now!)

That's the spirit, look to the future, now you'll have twice as much fun. And am sure your son will be thrilled to be a big brother.

MartinL_4

happymumto2 wrote: »

That's the spirit, look to the future, now you'll have twice as much fun. And am sure your son will be thrilled to be a big brother.

i wish it was that easy.

she has potentially runied any future relationship i'll have with my existing son. i have visions of this being my dirty little secret and telling my son, B, that he has a younger brother when he is about 16 years old...

when B's mother found out that i was just having a relationship with this girl, she flipped and made it very difficult for me regarding my son, B.

i'm still trying to salvage that, and my access is now restricted to B as a result - it's not as much as it was before she found out i was seeing someone else, even though we'd been over for 3 years...

bloody women!

Zara33

MartinL wrote: »

i wish it was that easy.

she has potentially runied any future relationship i'll have with my existing son. i have visions of this being my dirty little secret and telling my son, B, that he has a younger brother when he is about 16 years old...

when B's mother found out that i was just having a relationship with this girl, she flipped and made it very difficult for me regarding my son, B.

i'm still trying to salvage that, and my access is now restricted to B as a result - it's not as much as it was before she found out i was seeing someone else, even though we'd been over for 3 years...

bloody women!

bloody men!
At times you seem to be grasping the situation...then you come away with corkers like this

lesley1960

MartinL wrote: »

that is exactly what i am doing - in a nutshell!

i can live with the consequences though, because i know they will only be short-term. i just don't see why i should have to pay for something that 'may' not be mine (but i agree that it most likely IS mine), and why I'M the one who needs to PROVE that it's mine, and regardless of whether it is or not, i STILL have to pay, unless i can prove the contrary!?!?

it just doesn't make sense and should be outlawed!

No ,you are the one who has to prove that the baby is not yours .

You have so much hatred ,its worrying and the only person who will suffer is yourself.
Your ex might have had a lucky escape