CSA Payments and Proof of a Cheating Girlfriend...

MartinL_4

i hope this is the right place to ask this question...

basically, i've tried googling all manner of terms to try and come up with the answer to this question, without much success.

my dilemma is this:

my (ex)girlfriend is due to give birth to a baby on the 16th april.

i know for a fact that she slept with someone (my supposed friend) on the 18th july 2008. this would mean that there is at least a chance that the baby may not be mine.

she is adamant it is mine, and has denied sleeping with the guy, HOWEVER, i have proof that she did indeed to the deed! i have text messages and msn history which proves the fact, as well as an online confession from her to me, which she has since gone back on...

my question is this:

as part of my ongoing punishment towards her (it's my right - hey, we were living together, so she messed this up), i was wondering where i stand in relation to HAVING to pay csa payments to her. i have already told her that i want NOTHING to do with her, and NOTHING to do with the kid. as far as i'm concerned it's not mine (i already have a son, who i love dearly).

if i can prove that she slept with someone exactly 9 months before her due date (give or take a couple of days), then surely reasonable doubt must exist that should prevent me from having to pay up for a kid that might not be mine.

i am refusing to do a dna test because what would that prove? only that she got lucky and it is my child. i have told her that the first time she looks into the baby's eyes and sees me looking back at her, then she is to bring him (it's a boy) to me... until then, i never wanna see her or the baby. i told her even if it takes 6 months or a year, don't come looking for me before then...

i hate her for what she has done, and i don't see why i should be responsible financially, for a baby that may not be mine. if it IS mine, i still want to punish her for what she did, and declining a dna test is my only option. i can live with the consequences of never knowing the truth...

anyone know much about this kind of situation?

tia

Cassa

I think if you refuse a dna test that the CSA can pursue you anyway (if your ex wishes to involve them)

duchy

I think you're out of luck-Get the DNA test and either be a man about your responsibilities (if they are yours to take) or go on with your life knowing the child isn't yours without wondering.
I really hope it isn't yours as you don't sound like you'd be a good Dad to the child-who is blameless in all of this but chances are if you were living with this woman at the time there's a good chance he or she may be.

Using a child to punish another adult is pretty sick and pathetic in my book !

happymumto2

If baby is due 16th April then conception occurred around the 24th July.

I can see how you would be devastated at finding out your former partner had cheated, but if the little one is yours, you are punishing the baby not the mum by refusing to provide financial support.

Surely by refusing a DNA test then the CSA will presume you are the father and that is why you are refusing and will take money off you anyway. I realise you are angry at her, but might it not be better to take the test so you know for sure either way?

Loopy_Girl

If she approaches the CSA and they ask you to take a DNA test and they refuse then they will take your refusal and assume parentage. Which means you will be liable.

Of course you could take it and it could turn out not to be yours anyway?

Denying a child the right to his father because of what his mother done is your right (albeit reprehensible) but think on this, it was your ex and your 'friend' that done the wrong deed not this innocent child that has not asked to be born into this mess.

Whilst you are choosing to punish the child by walking away from it for what it's Mum done, if this child is yours then your financial responsibilites won't be so easy to walk away from.

Hopefully your son that you have won't ever read what you have written here and always wonder if you are going to walk out of his life too.

Light_Speed_Cruiser

Broadly speaking you are guilty of fatherhood and burden of proof to the contrary rests with the accused.

That means the CSA can assume you are the father and you must pay maintenance. If you challenge paternity then you must have a paternity test done and you must pay the cost of the test. If the test proves you not to be the baby's father then you have noi liability, the CSA refunds all maintenance paid and the cost of the test.

I know it doesn't sound fair, but try and see the baby, your instincts might tell you whether he is yours.

Have a read of Section 26 of the Child Support Act 1991.

CarolynH

If it's your child you have to support it. If it's not then take the DNA test. It will prove it one way or another.

How you feel about your ex is a seperate issue to the child being supported by its father - whether or not that is you.

If it is yours, are you really going to have no contact with it just becase you have a grudge against its mother?

In answer to your question though, you'll either have to take a DNA test to prove your hunch, or live with the CSA taking her word for it and pay up.

Loopy_Girl

Light_Speed_Cruiser wrote: »

I know it doesn't sound fair, but try and see the baby, your instincts might tell you whether he is yours.

Oh c'mon...are you saying that he will know if a newborn is his?? All babies look the same at that age and even if parentage is known then babies can look like neither of the parents.

Why is is not fair? If he has procreated then he needs to support this child. What his Mother has done is irrelvant.

Light_Speed_Cruiser

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Why is is not fair?.

Because the law says that proof of non parentage lies with the NRP, it means the CSA can accuse without a shread of evidence and rely entirely on a PWC's heresay.

Its open to abuse by a PWC at the tax payers expense in a contentious split - as is evident here. The taxpayer foots the bill of the NRP is cleared in the DNA test.

France ditched this rule in 1999 and made the PWC liable for negative DNA tests becasue it believed PWC's are equally responsible when they choose to have sex.

Loopy_Girl

Sorry I misunderstood.

I thought you were meaning it wasn't fair that he should have to support the baby should it be his.

I'm sure that all 'camps' of NRP and PWC would agree that this should be the way to proceed in spite of the OP's obvious anger.

MartinL_4

where's my tin helmet!! :op

i appreciate that i might have come across as a bit harsh, but what i have written is NOTHING compared to the hatred i feel towards my ex-girlfriend. i discovered literally a mountain of dirt on her since we were together, but that's another story and not what's at hand.

@ Cassa:

i think you are correct - if she names me as the father, i will have to pay, regardless, until i take the test - which isn't going to happen anytime soon...

@ duchy:

i will never wonder though. at least, i don't think i will. if the kid is mine, then i will take full responsibility for it, and give it the best possible life. but i am refusing to do a dna test, just so she can have her conscience cleared. we're in this mess because she couldn't keep her legs closed, so why should i be punished financially for that? if she hadn't cheated, the 3 of us would have had the best possible life together.

for you information, i am a wonderful father to my existing son. he wants for nothing and the time we spend together is nothing short of quality.

i appreciate the child is completely blameless in all this, and indeed, we have spoken of how it is caught in our crossfire and it isn't even born yet. he did nothing to deserve this. she is solely responsible for this mess... period!

i am fairly certain the kid is mine, but it is that niggle of doubt that is eating away at me like a goddam disease. i am punishing her, and i guess by doing that, i am indirectly punishing her baby, but ultimately, she is responsible for both of their punishments and she knows it. and i love it.

@ happymumto2:

24th july would mean that it is definitely mine, but as you know, these things aren't an exact science.

you can have no idea how devastated i am by all of this. i have a fantastic job, and a fantastic life. my son is also fantastic and he is the most important aspect of it all. i know i am hurting my (potentially) unborn son, but if he is mine, like i said, she is to bring him to me and i will be the best father i can be to him. its just that, up until such a time she looks into his eyes and sees me looking back, i want nothing to do any of them. that process is my only alternative to a dna test, and i guess by enforcing that kind of time-delay onto her, she will be punished enough. then i will accept responsibility. is that such a crime? i know it's a warped logic, but it's how i feel...

@ Loopy Girl:

i am fully expecting to be the assumed parent and i am prepared to have to pay for the child. BUT, i will fight her every step of the way to (initially) refuse her any support. i guess either after any court process, or by the time the child starts to look like me, then i will be left with no choice but to start supporting him.

i could take the test, but i think deep down, i know i am the father. BUT, why should i have to prove that the kid is mine? i have done nothing wrong. she is the one who cheated, therefore SHE should be the one who is responsible for proving that the child is mine. how she could ever do that, i have absolutely no idea, but i fail to see why the job of proving it's mine or not lands at my feet! that is what pi$$es me off so much...

denying the child a father is the most reprehensible thing i can think of (short of her cheating), but i would only be denying it indefinitely. he will start to take on my features sooner or later, and there will be no denying it then. at that point, i think i will happily take a dna test just to 'confirm' he is mine...

the child is of course innocent in all of this, it's just a shame his mum was a cheating ****. eventually, i will accept my responsibilities towards the child and will love it like i love my son that i know is mine. but until then, i will fight tooth and nail to punish her !!! for as long as i can...

...and i will NEVER walk out on my real son. my life revolves around him completely. of that, you can be 100% certain...






jesus! i have soooo much hate in my head! this thread has digressed big time into a hate-filled attack at my ex-girlfriend...

i'm sorry...