CSA Payments and Proof of a Cheating Girlfriend...

Light_Speed_Cruiser

MartinL wrote: »

(fwiw, i'm an air-traffic controller)!

We have something in common then, we both work as a rentamouth, but I'm not in ATC.

MartinL_4

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Granted it's not ideal but there is no need for any man to be shafted. Take the test, comes back negative (which means no charge) and job's a good 'un. No liability.

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't do a test to clear their name to be honest.

it's the principle.

if someone accuses you of something that you haven't done, why should you have to prove the fact that you haven't done it to THEM!? surely they should be the ones providing all the 'proof'?

that seems obvious to me... i don't understand why someone should be forced to have to clear their name if they have no reason to clear it...

happymumto2

MartinL wrote: »

:rotfl: HAHAHAHA! that is quality!!

unfortunately, i'm pretty sure the kid is mine, otherwise that offer would be simply too good to refuse! quote]

If your reasonably sure, then can you not find it in your heart to be part of HIS life from day one? Regardless of the pain she caused you, wouldn't it be better for the baby to know you cared for him from day one? The path your choosing at the moment would reflect badly on you in later years (from the little one's point of view).

MartinL_4

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Are you sure she will name you as the Father? She may name the other guy so therefore the onus will be on him.

How can she prove that you are/aren't the father if she doesn't have your DNA? How can she SOLELY do it when you need 2 sets of DNA to prove paternity?

Lets just say she done DNA test on other bloke and it came back negative. Now, she's cheated once - could you be sure she hadn't done it before? You'll only know if he is yours or not is YOU provide DNA.

i'm positive she will name me - the other guy is a loser...

how she proves whether or not i'm the father isn't my problem - she should have thought about that when she was on her back! that is what i've been trying to explain. it's upto her, because she's the one who got us into this mess. i really, really, really fail to see how i am the one who is held responsible for proving parentage.

it's a disgrace.

Loopy_Girl

MartinL wrote: »

it's the principle.

if someone accuses you of something that you haven't done, why should you have to prove the fact that you haven't done it to THEM!? surely they should be the ones providing all the 'proof'?

that seems obvious to me... i don't understand why someone should be forced to have to clear their name if they have no reason to clear it...

Maybe to not be consumed with bitterness and hatred and be able to move on with their life whatever the outcome.

What proof would you like her to provide? A negative test from the other bloke? Something tells me you wouldn't be happy with that either.

Jesus, it's a few cells from your cheek...it's not like they take 4 pints of blood from you. You're in and out in 10 minutes.

You then get the results and then decide what to do about it.

Seriously, you are letting this consume you when you should be trying to move on and do the best for your kid(s). Trash like her will always get their comeuppance. Show your son (s) how a real man acts.

happymumto2

MartinL wrote: »

it's the principle.

if someone accuses you of something that you haven't done, why should you have to prove the fact that you haven't done it to THEM!? surely they should be the ones providing all the 'proof'?

that seems obvious to me... i don't understand why someone should be forced to have to clear their name if they have no reason to clear it...

But you do have a reason to clear it, there is a baby in the middle of this, a baby that could be your own flesh and blood. My DS is 5, his sperm donor no longer acknowledges him (even though he lives in next street!), I get no child support, this does not hurt or punish me, it hurts my innocent son. At Christmas my daughter came back from my ex-husbands with £100's of gifts, my DS asked "why didn't my daddy get anything for me?". Its the child you will hurt, not her.

MartinL_4

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Out of curiosity, how are you going to fight her? Seriously, you don't do the test then they will name you anyway....she knows where you work....

Just do the test and then if it's not yours then you can walk away...if it is yours then you can pay and when you decide to walk back into the baby's life (lucky him) then you will be able to. That is unless your ex stops contacts and goes to the courts with the premise that you didn't bother with the baby emotionally for X amount of months/years.

And I also seriously think you need some kind of counselling to get all this sorted out in your head before it eats you up and destroys you

all i can do is prolong the payments for as long as possible. after the responses on this thread, i am resigned to paying up eventually...

i've already spoken to a counsellor - a few times. she has almost destroyed me, but i managed to get it back from the brink. and i've been on the brink a few times... it hasn't been a particularly pleasant time, these last 8 months...

Loopy_Girl

MartinL wrote: »

i'm positive she will name me - the other guy is a loser...

how she proves whether or not i'm the father isn't my problem - she should have thought about that when she was on her back! that is what i've been trying to explain. it's upto her, because she's the one who got us into this mess. i really, really, really fail to see how i am the one who is held responsible for proving parentage.

it's a disgrace.

You're not. The onus is on both of you to prove it. You not choosing to is making a rod for your own back.

I ask again...in an ideal world, HOW would you like her to prove paternity? Put her hand up her fandango and get a sample of sperm?!! C'mon, you're an ATC which means you are a intelligent man - think about it

Also, are you off sick from work as I am pretty sure you shouldn't be doing such an important job in the state you are in

happymumto2

I think you are harbouring a lot of anger, and it is clouding your judgement somewhat. Take HER out of the equasion and think about the little one, and what impact your actions will have on him.

Loopy_Girl

MartinL wrote: »

... it hasn't been a particularly pleasant time, these last 8 months...

I bet it's not...I feel for you, I really do. It's a sh!tty situation...but don't take it out on the baby.

As for prolonging the payments.....I've gave you a timeline....you being non compliant will only speed things up alot quicker to be honest.

And even then the payments will be due from the date the CSA get in touch with you should you be proven to be the Father...the longer you don't pay, the higher the arrears will be.

I do feel sorry for you...I really do...but you need to get past this red mist and start thinking rationally.