Support for people with Depression

debtfreewannabe321

Hi there I am after a bit of advice really,

I think my son has depression, he is 13 and has always had very low moods but lately they seem to consume him all the time. He can never find anything positive to say I suffer with depression so understand where he is coming from. Mine is currently under control with meds but I don't really want him taking that route (not to begin with anyway. I'd like to try other ways)

We have booked him a session with the school counsellor for January (he breaks up thursday and too late for an appointment now) and i am working with the pastoral care at his school to try and make things as easy as possible for him. But i don't know what else I can do/ suggest.

Just recently I have started a meditation course which has helped me enormously. I am wondering if anyone here has experience of teen depression and can say whether or not meditation would be a good route? I'm not sure he would fully commit to doing it, and therefore won't have the desired effects?

he suffers hugely with self-esteem issues and anger. So i thought it might help this too? I'm so worried would be grateful for any constructive advice

dfw x

Raksha

Hi dfw,
I have a 14 year old who (like me) swings between deep depression (of the doesn't want to do anything he normally does type), and 'normal' teenage behaviour. when he's down, de's disruptive in class, angry, argumentative, forgetful. When he's normal, he's a sweet, willing, funny kid. At the moment he's been assesed by CAHMS and is on the waiting list (which is 16 weeks long) and we've been told if it gets too much, to contact A & E.

determined_new_ms

Hi debtfreewannabe I suggest taking him to the doctor if he will speak to him. My dd I would say has been depressed since about the age of 12 - she went off the rails spectacularly and I think she was depressed & still is. But she has never wanted to talk to someone or deal with it so there isn't much I can do except suggesting it to her. If your son is willing to open up and process the things that are affecting him then this will help. Really wishing you all the luck x

Uniscots97

Raksha wrote: »

So sorry to hear you're going through this. Being totally self centred can be a symptom of depression - has your OH seen his Dr? I've been going through this with my OH for the last couple of years and thankfully he is now 'coming back', but while he was in the depths, even though he wouldn't acknowledge it, he was classically depressed, of that I'm pretty sure. I also thought being on my own would be preferable.

He has but he's not willing to help himself and get rid of the people causing it instead taking it out on me.

Uniscots97

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

oh thanks - thats great. My hair is coloured (blonde highlighted) so will go for level 4. Will give it a go when I can get to a chemist.

only a few Boots keep it, best getting it online.

debtfreewannabe321

Raksha wrote: »

Hi dfw,
I have a 14 year old who (like me) swings between deep depression (of the doesn't want to do anything he normally does type), and 'normal' teenage behaviour. when he's down, de's disruptive in class, angry, argumentative, forgetful. When he's normal, he's a sweet, willing, funny kid. At the moment he's been assesed by CAHMS and is on the waiting list (which is 16 weeks long) and we've been told if it gets too much, to contact A & E.

Thanks for your reply raksha, my son is at boarding school so i've had to liase with his house mistress since hearing about all this from him. I've asked him to come home and go to the local school but he doesn't want to do that and seemed to get even more angry when i asked him to do that makes me feel such a failure! I'm so glad i am not the only one that has a child that is depressed. People round here are so closed about things like this i daren't tell any of his friends' mums in the hope they may have advice...so thank you. What is CAHMS by the way? At ds school he can get into see the counsellor on the first few days back at school then weekly appointments after that (and more if needed)

determined_new_ms wrote: »

Hi debtfreewannabe I suggest taking him to the doctor if he will speak to him. My dd I would say has been depressed since about the age of 12 - she went off the rails spectacularly and I think she was depressed & still is. But she has never wanted to talk to someone or deal with it so there isn't much I can do except suggesting it to her. If your son is willing to open up and process the things that are affecting him then this will help. Really wishing you all the luck x

Thank you determined new ms When ds was on his last holiday (2 weeks ago) i asked him if he would like me to take him to the dr's and i would go in with him, after all i've been many a time about depression having had it for over half my life, but he was very anti- doctor. Something seems to have clicked whilst he was back at school and he has now agreed to see a counsellor but not a dr ?? i'm glad he has just agreed to see someone though, at last. He really reminds me of me at that age. And i stupidly tried (and failed) to take my own life and i worry he will get to the same stage. So i'm very happy he has actually come to me.

Thank you both again for your replies, I didn't realise this thread was here so have subscribed :T

Raksha

unixgirluk wrote: »

He has but he's not willing to help himself and get rid of the people causing it instead taking it out on me.

Can you develop a suit of armour? Concentrate on yourself and what makes you 'happy'. Take responsibility for your own behaviour and happiness and let him do his own thing. If that means moving out, make sure he knows its his behaviour which has caused it. If you do want to have him back at some point - make sure he knows that it's not 'him' it's his behaviour.

Raksha

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

Thanks for your reply raksha, my son is at boarding school so i've had to liase with his house mistress since hearing about all this from him. I've asked him to come home and go to the local school but he doesn't want to do that and seemed to get even more angry when i asked him to do that makes me feel such a failure! I'm so glad i am not the only one that has a child that is depressed. People round here are so closed about things like this i daren't tell any of his friends' mums in the hope they may have advice...so thank you. What is CAHMS by the way? At ds school he can get into see the counsellor on the first few days back at school then weekly appointments after that (and more if needed)

He probably needs the familiar around him at the moment, which is why he's so resistant to coming home. Does he have a good relationship with his house mistress?

CAHMS is Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (so that makes it CAMHS)

You aren't alone, you will probably find there are lots of people in your social or work circle who are struggling with the same problems. The important thing is that you have recognised your DS has a problem, and you are trying to help him.

debtfreewannabe321

Raksha wrote: »

He probably needs the familiar around him at the moment, which is why he's so resistant to coming home. Does he have a good relationship with his house mistress?

CAHMS is Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (so that makes it CAMHS)

You aren't alone, you will probably find there are lots of people in your social or work circle who are struggling with the same problems. The important thing is that you have recognised your DS has a problem, and you are trying to help him.

He does enjoy boarding, i suppose being with the same group of friends day in day out they've kind of become his second family. AND he doesn't have his 'annoying' brother & sister at school, so he tells me! He does have a pretty good relationship with the house mistress but she is leaving soon to go on maternity leave so i'm hoping the next person will also be as nice and approachable (for him as well as me!)

I just feel like i'm not doing enough leaving him at that school but i suppose we can't have it all

dfw x

lovethymini

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

Hi there I am after a bit of advice really,

I think my son has depression, he is 13 and has always had very low moods but lately they seem to consume him all the time. He can never find anything positive to say I suffer with depression so understand where he is coming from. Mine is currently under control with meds but I don't really want him taking that route (not to begin with anyway. I'd like to try other ways)

We have booked him a session with the school counsellor for January (he breaks up thursday and too late for an appointment now) and i am working with the pastoral care at his school to try and make things as easy as possible for him. But i don't know what else I can do/ suggest.

Just recently I have started a meditation course which has helped me enormously. I am wondering if anyone here has experience of teen depression and can say whether or not meditation would be a good route? I'm not sure he would fully commit to doing it, and therefore won't have the desired effects?

he suffers hugely with self-esteem issues and anger. So i thought it might help this too? I'm so worried would be grateful for any constructive advice

dfw x

Hi dfw, sorry to hear your son's feeling low.

Thinking back to when I was his age, I think that talking with an adult would have helped me so much. No-one realised what I was going through, even when I pulled my hair out and gave myself bald patches.

It's a relief that he is talking to you, this is what can make all the difference in his world. I am teaching my 4yr old that it is important to talk to someone if he's worried about something (he's just started school)

It's impossible to get a perspective on things sometimes when you are low and don't talk to someone.