Support for people with Depression

Raksha

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

He does enjoy boarding, i suppose being with the same group of friends day in day out they've kind of become his second family. AND he doesn't have his 'annoying' brother & sister at school, so he tells me! He does have a pretty good relationship with the house mistress but she is leaving soon to go on maternity leave so i'm hoping the next person will also be as nice and approachable (for him as well as me!)

I just feel like i'm not doing enough leaving him at that school but i suppose we can't have it all

dfw x

I had an annoying little sister, so I can understand the benefits of boarding school and used to wish I could go to one (preferably with lots of girls who had ponies <G>)

It's not easy being a parent, we do what we can, but it seems to be human nature to beat ourselves up because we aren't 'doing more' - sometimes we just have to sit back and let things take their course. It's a shame his house mistress is leaving, but I'm sure they will choose the next one wisely.

determined_new_ms

Hi guys hope everyone out there is ok & even getting a bit of a break today! Shaz if ur lurking I hope the move went ok & the boys are on an even keel

I have over the last 4 days had a reprieve and the fog is starting to lift. Thank goodness it has been a real long 2 months! I guess the meds are helping as has having 3 weeks off. I also have found "The worry cure" really helpful and insightful and can see some of my behaviours in it. If you suffer from anxiety I would definitely recommend - when I first started reading it I thought it wasn't for me but am about 1/2 through now and can see so much of what I do in it!

Lots of love to you all x

debtfreewannabe321

Thank you for all your support so far

DS1 called me and they managed to fit him into a session today with the school counsellor. He said she was nice but he doesn't want to go back again

I asked why and he just started welling up and sobbing, so i left it and talked to him about other things. I don't want to push him into doing it as he seems so fragile. But i also think i should put a little pressure on to get him to go back after christmas as i think he liked having someone to talk to .... ???

I suppose I have 3 weeks to try and talk him round, so will have to see how it goes..unless anyone has any fool proof plan of getting kids into a therapy session without thinking everyone knows about it and will laugh in his face!

DFW x

determined_new_ms

so annoying as I just wrote a whole response out and then MSE logged me off!!!

anyway as I was saying ((((((hugs)))))) debtfreewannabe, that must have been very hard for you to hear

I was saying if it were me I would be letting him know how proud you are of him for taking such a brave step seeing a counseller. It takes a lot, especially for a young person (it took me many years before I was prepared to open the can of worms that counselling involves) offer him love and try to chip away at it when the moment is right. If I catch my dd in a good mood, we've been able to talk openly about stuff then I will suggest to her that the depression she feels makes her look at the world the way she does sometimes. I let her know that she has a lot of stuff to process and its understandable that she struggles with her feelings and making sense of it all. If its not the right time it really upsets her and then the anger is unleashed! I let her know that I think she is an amazing young woman, so strong and courageous and time and time again continues to try to have our relationship even though it is difficult and painful for us both, and that I admire her for this strength of character. I let her know that she will come out the other side - I have, I have my moments as the last 2 months have shown but by and large I'm ok and she will be too. I hope that helps x

debtfreewannabe321

determined_new_ms wrote: »

so annoying as I just wrote a whole response out and then MSE logged me off!!!

anyway as I was saying ((((((hugs)))))) debtfreewannabe, that must have been very hard for you to hear

I was saying if it were me I would be letting him know how proud you are of him for taking such a brave step seeing a counseller. It takes a lot, especially for a young person (it took me many years before I was prepared to open the can of worms that counselling involves) offer him love and try to chip away at it when the moment is right. If I catch my dd in a good mood, we've been able to talk openly about stuff then I will suggest to her that the depression she feels makes her look at the world the way she does sometimes. I let her know that she has a lot of stuff to process and its understandable that she struggles with her feelings and making sense of it all. If its not the right time it really upsets her and then the anger is unleashed! I let her know that I think she is an amazing young woman, so strong and courageous and time and time again continues to try to have our relationship even though it is difficult and painful for us both, and that I admire her for this strength of character. I let her know that she will come out the other side - I have, I have my moments as the last 2 months have shown but by and large I'm ok and she will be too. I hope that helps x

Thank you for that (mse always seems to delete my posts too so annoying!)

I will definitely tell him i am proud of him, and I am :) in all my years of depression I've NEVER seen a counsellor (usually due to long waiting lists on nhs though not through choice, and by the time the appointments come up the anti d's have done their magic until the next episode so i say no thanks!)

I will get him home first let him catch up on sleep, friends, family, just being home and then will do what you suggest, wait until he is in one of his good moods otherwise he just gets angry and starts to trash the house !

Your DD sounds so similar to my son. When he is in a good 'up' mood he is lovely, will chat to you very grown-up like and be wonderful. On a bad day you may get a grunt and a 'wish i was dead' and doors slammed and things broken! But i've learned to see when these are likely to happen so will time my talk well -i hope!

dfw

determined_new_ms

time will help him. Try not to fret too much - I'm a fine one to talk but... things are rarely as bad as they seem (especially as a parent) and this time will pass for him. Lots of love to you both x

Raksha

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you debtfreewannabe321. I've started asking my boy to give me a number 1 -10 of how he's feeling. He doesn't have to say anymore, but it helps me judge how to handle him. Below a 7 I know he's feeling fragile, above an 8 I know he can take a bit of teasing etc. Under a 5, it's handle with kid gloves...

Uniscots97

bad day, OH decided to call me at lunch (i tried calling him twice and his phone rang out to return his earlier call), I'd just got out the car at the shopping centre with a girl from work. He accussed us of giggling in the background, told him he was talking complete and utter nonsense. He keeps taking his little tantrums out on me. Goodness knows what my colleague thought, we're only just trying to build a friendship.

Raksha

Oh my goodness - he sounds very like my OH, if I answer the phone and I'm a bit rushed, I get the 'oh well, if you've not got time to talk', if I ignore it because I am busy, I'm wrong again! I'm learning not to be a 'people pleaser' and do what pleases me.

Uniscots97

Thanks Raksha I'm glad I'm not the only one. I don't think he sees his behaviour makes my depression worse.