Support for people with Depression

Raksha

Kay - is it making calls or answering the phone you struggle with? Or, like me, both?

Mine goes back to a period about 15 years ago when I was getting lots of calls from my creditors, at work and at home. To this day, I don't answer the phone unless it's a family member at home, and they all know to 'give 2 rings'.

The idea of making a planned call is a good one, maybe do something else you enjoy while on the phone, such as a little bit of chocolate

beachbeth

I find answering and making calls difficult. However, I prefer phone calls to strangers rather than people I know. With strangers I can be curt and say "Sorry, I must go now" and end the call. With friends and relatives I can't do this. The phone somehow has a way of making me feel powerless, which would sound ridiculous to someone that didn't understand. I feel powerless and out of control and I don't feel that I can end the call and that its up to the other person to end it. Its weird I know.:o

Kayteehee wrote:

does anyone know anywhere we could go for advice about that apart from a doctor?

When I was first diagnosed I felt like I was drowning at sea with no one to throw me a lifeline. My doctor (who was lovely at the time) prescribed me anti-d's and he was good at asking me if I was stressed or had any problems at home (he always spent time with his patients, not like now when they rush you in and out!). I asked him if I could see an expert about depression because I didn't understand why I had it and why I felt so awful. I thought perhaps he could refer me. But he told me there were no experts (although there are people on MSE who think they are!!!) and that he was as expert as anyone could be. This was 1994 but I expect you would be told the same today. I had counselling in the end but it didn't help.

Please discuss this with your doctor though Kayteehee, because he may be able to refer you to a counsellor or someone that may be able to talk things through with you. Lots of people can find counselling helpful.

losingpatience

Jennie - I know what you mean about sleeping tablets and being reluctant to try them. I've tried all sorts of herbal tablets but none have really helped. I think because my minds whirring away they don't really do anything, I think they only help if your relaxed in the first place. I asked my doctor for sleeping tablets but she wouldn't give me any, she said I had to establish the reason for not sleeping, which is fair enough but doesn't help when your so tired that you can barely stay awake, yet when you try to sleep you can't!!

I was reading a few different techniques to try to help you sleep, one says to note the time you fall asleep ( not really sure how you're supposed to know this.... being asleep at the time lol ) time you go to bed, times awake, how your feeling etc which sounds good in a way but would mean I would have to keep getting up and going to a different room to write it all down. Haven't mastered the art of seeing in the dark yet and I don't think my BF would appreciate me putting the light on and off in the middle of the night!

I'm going to try to get into a proper bedtime routine ( sounds as though I'm reverting back to being a child! ). Go to bed the same time, read for an hour then hopefully ( fingers and toes crossed! ) try to go to sleep lol

Feeling pretty low today, eventually drifted off at about 6 but alarm went off at 7 so im sooo tired and just miserable. I look awful, eyes are all bloodshot and I'm white as a sheet, so everyones helpfully reminding me how bad I'm looking lol Have a tonne of things to do round the house but I don't get in from work until 6 so by the time I get in, cook tea then get round to doing the "chores" I just can't face doing it. I've got 2 weeks worth of work I'm trying to catch up on, have people asking me for things left right and centre, really feeling like its just all too much for me today and I just want to hide away from everything.

jenniewb

losingpatience wrote: »

Jennie - I know what you mean about sleeping tablets and being reluctant to try them. I've tried all sorts of herbal tablets but none have really helped. I think because my minds whirring away they don't really do anything, I think they only help if your relaxed in the first place. I asked my doctor for sleeping tablets but she wouldn't give me any, she said I had to establish the reason for not sleeping, which is fair enough but doesn't help when your so tired that you can barely stay awake, yet when you try to sleep you can't!!

I was reading a few different techniques to try to help you sleep, one says to note the time you fall asleep ( not really sure how you're supposed to know this.... being asleep at the time lol ) time you go to bed, times awake, how your feeling etc which sounds good in a way but would mean I would have to keep getting up and going to a different room to write it all down. Haven't mastered the art of seeing in the dark yet and I don't think my BF would appreciate me putting the light on and off in the middle of the night!

I'm going to try to get into a proper bedtime routine ( sounds as though I'm reverting back to being a child! ). Go to bed the same time, read for an hour then hopefully ( fingers and toes crossed! ) try to go to sleep lol

Feeling pretty low today, eventually drifted off at about 6 but alarm went off at 7 so im sooo tired and just miserable. I look awful, eyes are all bloodshot and I'm white as a sheet, so everyones helpfully reminding me how bad I'm looking lol Have a tonne of things to do round the house but I don't get in from work until 6 so by the time I get in, cook tea then get round to doing the "chores" I just can't face doing it. I've got 2 weeks worth of work I'm trying to catch up on, have people asking me for things left right and centre, really feeling like its just all too much for me today and I just want to hide away from everything.

I seem to be lucky, I manage on about 5-6 hours sleep on a good day and I do manage, I go to bed around 4am,- it has been worse (its the anxiety so I end up staying up later and later) I fall asleep after hours of tossing and turning. I used to be able to get to a state where as soon as I hit the pillow I was out like a light, no time or space left to worry. But since about Nov last year when I had a bit of a break down, I haven't been able to do that.

My GP is relucant to give sleeping pills but I think they are aware I don't take medication easily- I declined it at first, so they can see I'm not so likely to become as hooked as someone else. I have a stash of pills I'm too wary to take! Several years ago when I had left hospital and knew which pills would help, I went to ask and was turned down (this is before I thought I could become dependant) now I turn them down at the first suggestion.... (where is that confused smiley when you need it!!)

Hope your able to get through the rest of the day OK, its a bright day outside (here in London anyway), know that doesn't make things easier for you though. Ca you make a list of all the things you need to do today and then just do the top 5? the last 5 are not as important, you are not God and there is only so much you can do, your health comes first and sometimes you do have to be selfish.
-and if its any help, I've not had the time or motivation to clean up my own place besides the clearing up as I go along (eg no hoover) for 2 weeks now!! Its not good but its not going to kill me and I have to trust that I will do this when I get the time and space, it will get done just not yet.

jenniewb

beachbeth wrote: »

I find answering and making calls difficult. However, I prefer phone calls to strangers rather than people I know. With strangers I can be curt and say "Sorry, I must go now" and end the call. With friends and relatives I can't do this. The phone somehow has a way of making me feel powerless, which would sound ridiculous to someone that didn't understand. I feel powerless and out of control and I don't feel that I can end the call and that its up to the other person to end it. Its weird I know.:o



When I was first diagnosed I felt like I was drowning at sea with no one to throw me a lifeline. My doctor (who was lovely at the time) prescribed me anti-d's and he was good at asking me if I was stressed or had any problems at home (he always spent time with his patients, not like now when they rush you in and out!). I asked him if I could see an expert about depression because I didn't understand why I had it and why I felt so awful. I thought perhaps he could refer me. But he told me there were no experts (although there are people on MSE who think they are!!!) and that he was as expert as anyone could be. This was 1994 but I expect you would be told the same today. I had counselling in the end but it didn't help.

Please discuss this with your doctor though Kayteehee, because he may be able to refer you to a counsellor or someone that may be able to talk things through with you. Lots of people can find counselling helpful.

I'd say definetly ask for help. I don't like to tell her this (in a way I hope she doesn't know) but I don't think I'd be here (infact I am very sure I wouldn't be here) if it wasn't for my psychotherapist.

Kayteehee

Thanks for all the great advice people

I'm already having help from my doctor and have been for the last year and a bit though changed doctors in the middle. (moving house luckely not cause the doctor was horrible)

I do suffer bad nerves going to the doctor and when I changed surgeries I had to go and see the nurse for a medical/questionaire. She had to weigh me and this was the most nerve-wracking thing for me. She had all my medical details in front of her, on the first page saying history of eating disorders etc etc... and she weighed me and then told me I was overweight. I was absolutely distraught though didn't show it there. I told her she was acting in a seriously bad manner to tell someone with a medical history of eating disorders they are overweight. (I was 10 st 5 btw when I got told this and i'm 5ft 7).. She told me she was just telling me the facts. It took me a while to go to the doctors after this and I was urged by my friends/family to make a formal complaint though with my lack of motivation to do anything I didn't.

The thing I just wanted some idea on is i'm going through a reallly bad time with stress atm. I have deadlines due in at uni that are really tough, I'm finding it hard to go as well, I'm having problems with my family (my whole life really but bit more pressure now), my finances are in a bad way and I think i'm just generally stressed.
This has made me not able to sleep - got to sleep at 6am this morning! Then in the morning not wake up - I woke up about an hour ago. I've been having problems with my periods for the last five months which has made them stop and start all the time, I just wondered if anyone else had this symptom when stressed? I googled it and all the answers said i'm pregnant, and it's 100% certain i'm not.

I've made an appointment to go back to my counseller (I stopped going because every week I made plans with her of how I was going to improve my life in the week and then I never did it and it just felt like a) i was going round in circles and b) i am a failure. )

Thanks for all the advice on the other things... i'm going to look into them. It's really nice to have support from strangers, thank you kind people.

As for the telephone thing - it is very erratic but tbh I think it is linked to having bad experiences calling my family... if that makes any sense at all. I used to absolutely panic if my parents called me... shake, cry. They are out of the country for a few months now so they don't call me but I still get nervous when my mum sends me a text.


I have some tips for other people that have helped me
- Walking, esp a dog if you like them, borrow a friends? volunteer with a dog charity, it is really nice to go for a walk and have company
- Talk to a pet about your problems - they won't reply but they also won't judge you and it's nice to get it all out
- Photography - it's what I do at uni and it is a really good way to empower yourself.
- Have a nice bath, treat yourself... I'm a soap and glory addict


Thank you once again for all the advice

losingpatience

Thanks Jennie, you've managed to cheer me up on what was quite a miserable day for me :j

Went out on my lunch break for a walk as I had to get a couple of things from the fruit and veg shop and it was just lovely outside. Not a cloud in the sky and actually warm, was so nice to just get out in the sun for 20 minutes.

I've pottered round a bit, my house isn't a mess really, I just seem to have alot of clutter lying round which I don't normally have. I keep looking at it think I should really tidy that away but find my backside has somehow become glued to the sofa :rotfl:my ironing pile is more like a mountain now so I've just put it in the spare room and shut the door! Although I'm drastically running out of things to wear, getting to the point where the only things left soon are going to be shorts and vests and although its been sunny today I don't think it's quite the weather for summer clothes yet!

Only 1.5 hours to go until I'm finished work, feel like the ends in sight now!

losingpatience

Kay

10st 5 at 5ft 7 is not fat :eek: It really angers me that they look at a chart and decide whether your an "ideal weight" or not without taking into consideration any of your personal circumstances. I'm 5ft 3 and 10st 3 and while yes I could do with losing a bit of weight I don't think I'm fat, I'm happy enough with my size so think sod them, who cares if a chart says I need to lose a couple of pounds, if I'm happy and relatively healthy then thats good enough for me!

As you can probably tell from my other posts I am having a real problem sleeping at the moment and managed to get a whole hour last night so I know how your feeling. Stress and feeling down will be one of the factors affecting this and can also be the reason your periods aren't regular. Do you think you could maybe ask for an extension on your uni work to take some of the pressure off for a while?

I live in a small village and we have some beautiful countryside around us so I'm going to try to make an effort to go out for a walk a couple of times as week, there's a stream that runs through one of the fields and a pond and I always find it really relaxing around there just watching the ducks and swans swimming around. Might even go tonight if it's not too cold by the time I get home.

beachbeth

Kayteehee wrote: »

As for the telephone thing - it is very erratic but tbh I think it is linked to having bad experiences calling my family... if that makes any sense at all. I used to absolutely panic if my parents called me... shake, cry. They are out of the country for a few months now so they don't call me but I still get nervous when my mum sends me a text.

This is me too! My mum used to ring me up a lot to have a go at me about something and it used to make me quite nervous about answering the phone (we didn't have caller ID in those days). Quite often she would have been drinking and this would make her calls worse. A lot of the time she wouldn't even remember the conversation the next day because she would repeat a lot of it again when I saw her the next day. It made me think I'd got upset for nothing! I also had a so-called "friend" who only used to ring me to ask if I'd look after her kids for her. Her kids were unruly and awful and I wasn't brave enough to say no.

I got into the habit of letting OH or daughters answer the phone and tell whoever it was that I had gone out or was in the bath, but we have caller ID now so know whether to answer or not. I am definitely not the sort of person who finds it hard not to answer a ringing phone! I can quite happily ignore it. My DD1 finds this impossible!!!

Raksha

Has anyone on here got any family history of depression?

I'm adopted, but I know/have met my birth mother's family. I know my mother has to take tablets for the rest of her life for some 'mystery illness' and I've recently found out that the man I believe may be my father died from 'carbon monoxide poisoning - open verdict' (I had been told he'd emigrated to Australia, but that's another story).