Support for people with Depression

beachbeth

CCStar wrote: »

I am going to see how it goes in February but if my OH and family spoil it, then I am seriously thinking of going it alone in May. I am frightened to do this but having nasty negative people to deal with every day is depressing, so the choice is misery or fear of the unknown/loss of confidence.

I try to avoid negative people as much as possible because they aren't happy until they bring you down to their level. Not easy to avoid when they're your family though. It can't be doing your health much good - you need someone more bright and positive to help raise your spirits, not make you feel low.

Horasio

beachbeth wrote: »

Yes my mum is very critical of everybody, not just me. My parents are very close to each other but they don't really have any friends. My mum isn't the sort of woman to have girl friends and I sometimes feel she is making me fill that role and Im not comfortable with it because Im her daughter. So if she moans about my dad I don't like it and think it would be better if she did this to a friend rather than me.

The trouble with my mum is that she was always moving the goalposts when I was little. One day something would be alright to say or do and the next I would get a telling off for the same thing! She has never been there emotionally for me and I she scorns emotion. I went round to her house yesterday and, because I was feeling low and tired, I burst into tears. She more or less ignored it - I get no hug or even a "don't be silly. You're fine." I felt more upset when I got home because she hadn't acknowledged that I was upset. Today she was on the phone to me and said "are you alright today?" It was said in a "I certainly hope you are because I don't want to deal with it" kind of way. I said that I was a lot better today, but I would have said this even if I wasn't.

Sorry to ramble on!

You could be talking about my mum here. One day she would be sympathetic about me feeling low, then the next it would be pull yourself together.

There is no consistency and my mum moaned about being with my dad, my stepdad and now she is alone and still moaning.

She wants me to be her 'mate' but talks down to me in a humiliating bullying manner. I find her embarrassing to go out with as she is OTT to everyone and puts me down in front of people. It is not a pleasure to see her or go out with her. She also targets vulnerable people to make herself feel good, then moans about them.

We are in a dilemma. Our lease runs out in May and like the area but find her being so close a bind. Our son is also close by and hates his job but doing nothing about it. He quit his degree, spent all his savings, spends all his salary on rubbish and now sponges off my mother.

My OH isn't that great to be with either. Whilst he agrees about our son being a waster and my mum being a controlling whinger, he brings me down too by deflating me when I feel good by pulling a face and often gets nasty when I feel irritable and low.

He is literally an emotional drag to live with. Since not working two years ago, he has been at home 24-7 trying to build a business which has been slow, he is around to help with odd jobs but generates a draining atmosphere, so I feel too depressed to go out and get a life. I dare not have people round as he brings me down to the point the people would feel an atmosphere in the home. I would try and get a job but when I apply and get rejected, the misery is too much on top of living with my OH. I get really nasty when I get bad service, as it is yet another negative thing to deal with, which is why I have such a thing about bad service. I feel so uplifted when people get it right. I could deal with the outside world's faults better if I didn't have my OH sucking the life out of me at home too. Add my son and mother to the equation......

I put my life on hold when I had my son and feel I missed out on things I could have done in my 20s but not so easy to do now. I feel so disappointed that my son has ended up in a dead end life but he is 22 in a couple of weeks and it is his life now.

My family are bringing me down. I need courage to get away and go it alone.

Horasio

beachbeth wrote: »

I try to avoid negative people as much as possible because they aren't happy until they bring you down to their level. Not easy to avoid when they're your family though. It can't be doing your health much good - you need someone more bright and positive to help raise your spirits, not make you feel low.

I know what you mean

shazrobo

i should be feeling relaxed and happy tonight, both kids are on resedential at daniel's school, and i have the house to myself, instead i'm sat here thinking, if only me and ian were together we could have had a night out without paying a fortune for a sitter.
think its going to be a long night with no kids to distract me.
hope the counselling goes well sazzy
hugs all
shaz xxx

Horasio

shazrobo wrote: »

i should be feeling relaxed and happy tonight, both kids are on resedential at daniel's school, and i have the house to myself, instead i'm sat here thinking, if only me and ian were together we could have had a night out without paying a fortune for a sitter.
think its going to be a long night with no kids to distract me.
hope the counselling goes well sazzy
hugs all
shaz xxx

Enjoy the peace
Remember the times he made you sad

Can you find something to do that you can do that makes you feel good?

Indie_Kid

Do you have any friends you can invite around, or go out with?

beachbeth

You are bound to miss his company, Shaz, but as CCStar says, can you do something for yourself to make yourself feel good? Buy some chocs and rent a good dvd? Perhaps try an exercise dvd (a good dance one that may perk you up whether you need to lose weight or not). Even just going to a late opening supermarket and browsing the book or dvd section can pass a nice hour away even if you don't buy anything - we have a big Tesco near us that seems to sell everything and I love looking round at the cookware, gadgets and books. You could treat yourself to a nice cream cake to take home too.:p I know its a bit lonely when you are doing it on your own but try to feel a strength in your independence and not having to answer to anyone or have to be home by a certain time.

If Im barking up the wrong tree then just tell me to shut up!

shazrobo

morning all, hope everyone is ok. thanks everyone for all their suggestions last night, at the moment, i am too scared to go anywhere on my own, always wait til one or both boths is home from school to go to supermarket or anywhere.
instead had a warm bubbly bath, and sat with my knitting, then later on watched shameless with a couple bottles of cider, knowing i didnt have to getup early for kids this morning.
really proud of myself last night, as i didnt cry once, that gotta be a good start. this morning however ian has text and added kisses to end, think he hinting at getting back together, there is no way i'm going back to being treated like that. I am worth better than that.
best go get dressed soon, got physio this morning.
hugs
shaz xxx

beachbeth

Morning Shaz. I can understand you not wanting to go to the supermarket or anywhere on your own. Sometimes I can't do this either and it also depends how busy I think the place will be too. Im alright if I can just wander and not have anything specific to get. However, if I was to go and do my weekly shop I would end up in a panic (which is why I have my shopping delivered).

Im glad you had a bubbly bath and did some nice things at home. Well done for being strong about Ian. After all, you would just end up back in the same place with him with nothing changed. You are worth better than that!:T

Indie_Kid

I knew this was coming:
When I started having problems 3 years ago, I ended up being very clingy towards a friend of mine. I have now started this again.

We were talking and texting each other last night. He said "I think you're only saying this [wanting help with some work] because you want to see me" - he's partly correct.