Support for people with Depression

Miroslav

I feel ashamed for forgetting who, but it's someones Birthday tomorrow, Christmas Day - geminilady? Tiff?

Or am I imagining things?

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It is indeed, only the very best people have their birthday on 25th December........
So may I be the first to say....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR ONE AND ONLY TIFF :A
WISHING YOU A WONDERFUL DAY FROM ALL YOUR MANY MANY FRIENDS HERE :beer:
CB2X

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beachbeth wrote: »

This is exactly how my mum always was. She was there for the practical things such as a grazed knee but not there for me in a compassionate way. If I got upset she would get angry at the fact that I was upset instead of asking what was wrong and giving me a hug.

My OH has a theory that depression is actually caused by this sort of upbringing and I think he's right. Everyone I know or have spoken to that has depression has had parents that weren't there for them. This doesn't mean that parents like this always have children with depression but some people are more predisposed to depression and will get it if they are brought up in this way. I spent a lot of my childhood feeling quite insecure.

Beachbeth, razorbladekisses, Sazbo, shaz,

Thank you for your courageous posts; having a mother who was, as you put it, "not there" for hugs, comfort and reassurance when you were a child is emotional abuse (deprivation) and its effects are devastating.

Professionals tell me they see a 'depression time bomb', so many parents nowadays are "not there", wrapped up in their own concerns and worries, personal and financial, for whom their child seems to them to be an irritant, an inconvenience, and having so-called 'quality time' together is one more item on their 'to do' list.

I hear parents saying these sorts of things in public to toddlers:
"Stop your whingeing"
"You get on my nerves"
"If you dont stop crying you'll get a slap"

In a child's life, there is a limited window of opportunity for a parent to pour into a child the "liquid gold" of hugs, comfort and reassurance; to convince the child that s/he is indeed valued, loved and special and deserves his/her place in the world.

Such a child, when s/he grows up will have "solid gold" at the core of their being, which will enable them to withstand and cope with whatever difficulties or tragedies life may bring. Without knowing how or why, they will be attracted to, and attract, people and situations that do them good.

However the opposite is true for the child who has grown up with a "not there" mother. Their search in adulthood for the "liquid gold" they lack, can take many forms eg addictions, promiscuity, excessive spending.

Beth, rbk, Saz,shaz, your posts have prompted me to re-read Bruno Bettleheim (widely regarded as the world's foremost child psychologist). He writes....

"... our unconcious, on the basis of how we interpreted to ourselves our early experiences with our parents, causes us to behave either that the world is basically accepting and approving of us, or rejecting and disapproving. This attitude extends to our belief that we are good or bad persons; it gives us the feeling that we are or are not competent to deal with life; that we are or are not loveable; even whether we will be rewarded or disappointed. Such far-reaching attitudes are formed on the basis of extremely vague feelings which we nevertheless experienced most strongly at a time, when, because our reasoning abilities were as yet undeveloped, we could not yet comprehend the meaning of what was happening to us. And since these attitudes which continue to dominate our experiences originate in our unconcious, we do not know what caused them or why they are so convincing to us."
Bruno Bettleheim (1987) The Good Enough Parent

"Children begin by loving thir parents; after a while they judge them; rarely, if ever do they forgive them"
Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance

This Depression Thread is a good source of hugs, comfort and reassurance: "liquid gold" for those who need it!

Hope Santa is kind to you tonight! CB2X

Miroslav

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Birthday Tiff for tomorrow!

Here we have Michael Buble wanting to give you a joint Christmas & Birthday hug



Can you believe I searched Michael Buble :eek:

Horasio

Merry Christmas everyone and happy birthday to Tiff:)

Sazbo

Miroslav wrote: »

Can you believe I searched Michael Buble :eek:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: You're just a big old softie Miro and we love you for it! :kisses3:

S xx

jenniewb

Way- Tiff I feel sorry for you- my birthday is months away from Christmas so I never had to go through "this is your joint Xmas-birthday pressie" but Happy Birthday AND Merry Christmas- hope you get double pressies and not joint ones!

Merry Christmas to everyone on here- thanks so much for your time and support the past few months, I'd love to say my "blip" is over but you know how these things work... Here's to a less bumpy 2010 for all of us!

Hope everyone has somewhere to go, something to do and is not spending the time shut off alone (unless of course you want to) makes me feel so sad when I see people on here alone and without anyone to spend time with- can make the loneliness feel that bit worse when your aware of everyone else visiting and spending time with each other. Hopefully people feel safe enough to talk on here or call someone up and not feel so alone. Christmas is hard when your alone I think, it makes me feel very grateful to have my family to visit.

EthelBloggs

Hi Everyone :hello:

I know I don't pop in here as often as I should but I wanted to let you all know I'm thinking of you at a time that I know can be difficult. I seem to have had a christmas bypass this year, haven't bothered with a tree or anything and to be honest if it weren't for my daughter taking over the festive role, we probably wouldn't be bothering at all

I've had an interesting year.. some good some bad... Shaz, my two children were a nightmare, although they had different needs than yours, the result and behaviour was similar but my daughter has just turned 19 and after about 5 years of hell, in and out of police custody, mental health units and all kinds of dangerous and inappropriate behaviour she's calmed down a fair bit and the feeling of dread that we used to have around her is slowly dissipating. My 17 year old is still a bit rocky but I'm hopeful for him too in the future now. I just wanted to share with you that there is light at the end of the tunnel

As for me, I went to see my consultant a few weeks ago, and he kept looking at me funny and then said nope, you don't look right.. and kept me in hospital for three weeks :eek: It seems that there are issues with my stomach and I'm not absorbing enough of what I eat and drink to sustain my body so I was severely dehydrated and deficient in vitamins n stuff, so a week on a drip for fluids and vitamin and iron infusions and then loads of tests and guinea pig treatment they finally let me out. Turns out my blood pressure is too low, and when I eat something, my whole digestive process takes 6 minutes.. so stuff just doesn't have enough time to be absorbed. I've been given enzymes to take each time I eat which slows it down so I can get more nourishment and I'm taking 13 different vitamin and mineral tablets 3 times a day - I'm rattling I tell you!!!! Lots more tests to come and then hopefully they'll know how to proceed with a more long term solution.

Miro I'm so sorry about your lovely puss.. I know how hard it is and I wish you all the strength you need to get through this sad time.

Sazbomber.. big hugs to you and gilly.. have a lovely christmas and we'll make a date for coffee some time sooon xx

Tiffling.. happy birthday!!!!!! I think of you often girlie xx

It's lovely to see so many of my old friends still here and that our newer friends have found a cosy home here too - I promise I'll try not to be such a stranger in future.

Much love to you all and I wish for everyone to get through this difficult season with as much strength as you need and for the coming year to bring you what you wish for xxxx

shazrobo

morning all, happy christmas, and a happy birthday to tiff
ethel, sorry to hear your not well, hope you get better soon. thanks for sharing about your children, gives me hope for the future.
the lads were up at 7am, to see if santa had been, and luckily he had, , so they eagerly unwrapped everything, and were very happy with what they received, now i've to go find a screw driver and insert batteries into some of the toys, at the mo daniel is happily downloading songs on to his mp3 player, josh playing with his new bears, dressing them in their new clothes, but demanding batteries for his cars
catch u all later
hugs
shaz xxx

geminilady

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIFF