Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

looby75

fitzilian19 wrote: »

we're meeting to talk about the baby only... he has been warned not to communicate with me about the divorce or money...

good luck, and can I just say you are going about this is such a fantastic way.

My ex and I are now really good friends, it hasn't been easy but the fact that our kids don't feel they have to take sides and can happily go between mam and dad's house and feel comfortable talking about what they have done there etc has made all the hard work worth it. I hope and pray that one day you and your ex will also be able to say the same.

Can I give you a little tip? Think ahead about ways you can divert the conversation if you think he's starting to go down the money route. I know you shouldn't have to, but sometimes finding ways of diplomatically avoiding the conversation is better than an all out row.

It's obvious that you are so much more mature and an all round better person than he is at this point in time, but there is hope he will grow up...I never thought my ex would but recently he's astounded me by actually acting like a fully paid up member of the adult community

djdymond

PLEASE look into the whole redundancy thing before taking it. the same thing happen at my place of work a couple of months ago... i looked into it, and i would of got about 250 pounds for every year i was here which is four, so it still would of been under a months wage, plus no maternity pay which you obviously get for 33 weeks or something.. works out a while.

i was then told by my team leader for us all to stay put and not to volunteer anything until other people in the company could volunteer first etc. as it turns out, they cant make you redundant just because your pregnant, you could sue them and i was told that by a few people. on the upside for ur workplace, its basically the government who gives your company your maternity pay which then they "pass on" if you like to you, so they would be actually losing a member of staff and their wage, even thought theyre keeping you on if that makes sense? so its like theyve made a saving of one persons wage but your still getting paid?? dont say your not going back, im not coming back either but im worried telling them would stop maternity pay as they pay it if they think your coming back... then you just hand in your notice near the end of your maternity leave and you dont pay any of that money back.

hope everything ive said is basically more or less correct, im sure someone will correct me if its wrong!!!

just dont be too hasty with your job!! xxxxxx

galvanizersbaby

barnaby-bear wrote: »

Oh I know BUT in the long term if she can include the name she intends to use (presuming she doesn't want to get confused with the other Mrs. Smith aka the badmington lesbian by carrying on using his name) then it may be easier for her to do it at birth - as this lady has found the admin. confusion can cause problems: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1653069 for the mother.

I see where your coming from but in this case the OP's name is the same as the ex husband (they are married) and she has already said she is giving the baby the same name - i.e. OP, father and baby will all have same name.
So an issue will only arise with names in the future if OP remarries and if she decides she wants to change her name/ baby's name - in which case she may double barrell with her old married name and her new?!
She won't know what her new married name is going to be at this stage of course
I think I'm confusing myself now! :rotfl:
What I mean is that from what OP has posted so far she doesn't intend to change her name so her name will be same as babies

barnaby-bear

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I see where your coming from but in this case the OP's name is the same as the ex husband (they are married) and she has already said she is giving the baby the same name - i.e. OP, father and baby will all have same name.
So an issue will only arise with names in the future if OP remarries and if she decides she wants to change her name/ baby's name - in which case she may double barrell with her old married name and her new?!
She won't know what her new married name is going to be at this stage of course
I think I'm confusing myself now! :rotfl:
What I mean is that from what OP has posted so far she doesn't intend to change her name so her name will be same as babies

It's worth considering though - if she doesn't change her name back she could end up being confused with his 2nd (3rd, 4th.... ) wives - especially as with access the new wife could be picking her kid up from school. Even if she doesn't change her name now if she incorporates her maiden name in there as a last middle name now then if she did remarry she could on marriage go over to maiden name-new married name. By incorporating *her* name now she can keep options open as in the future it'll be harder and require the ex's involvement. Double baralleling your first married name with your second would be an option but do you really want a permanent reminder. A few of my divorced female friends with kids changed to Mrs. maiden name as they wanted to make it clear child-in-wedlock but didn't want the ex-s name.

fitzilian19

he dropped some money off at work today for a buggy he's buying from a friend... we talke for about half hour... mainly about the baby but also money.

he kept on about taking his name off the mortgage, claiming he would pay for rent on a place of my own.. i told him that wasnt an option - for a start it would cost him more money in the long run (providing he kept up with payments) we've decided to go and see a mortgage advisor about fixing the mortgage on interest only - prob for 5 years or so - so we both know how much we're paying....

it was strange to hear him talking for himself... although he doesnt have a clue what the situation really is - maybe his solicitor will help him out there?!



i've spoken to my boss... made it clear i would consider the redundancy only if i got the equivilant to what i would get if i stayed on and got my maternity package... she seemed pleased someone had come forward voluntarily - she actually got tearful in our meeting...

gota 2 weeks wait for the official decision... eek!

in the mean time i've got to start thinking about making the house child-friendly and attending an info meeting on childminding..

Sublime_2

I just saw your thread today. I didn't bother reading through all the posts, there were so many, but I have to say congratulations, well done. You are very young and very strong, but you have had to be. You are better off without your ex (or soon to be ex), he should never have married you if not 100% committed (you are both young, and people don't always know what they want until later in life).
You are doing the right thing. As I said you are remarkably strong, and please don't let this situation grind you down. (It is especially hard when your're pregnant.) Your boss sounds on your side so good luck with the official decision. Although none of this was your fault, it is good to put blame aside and concentrate on the important things such as a house for your child, access, income, etc. Hopefully in a years time you will look back at all this and feel good about everything. Good luck!

tsstss7

OP please bear in mind that if you take vol redundancy you will no longer qualify for wtc when the child is born (as you won't have an employer) this may not make any difference if you can qualify for housing benefit but I found that wtc took me out of the income bracket for hb which must have meant I was lots better off on wtc.

if you go on entitled to and plug in the details under both senarios it'll give you a good idea of which makes you better off.

fitzilian19

on the plus side i would have a lump sum to put towards bills / mortgage and set-up childminding business....?

as i would no longer be employed i could start childminding as soon as registered / interest from parents after Christmas as possible
whereas if i stay on maternity leave with work i will have to wait until may / june to begin (or give 8 weeks notice to work) and rsk losing out in the long run...


can you claim WTC when self employed as a childminder?

looby75

fitzilian19 wrote: »

can you claim WTC when self employed as a childminder?

Yes you can and whats even better is there is no minimum wage when you are self employed so if at any point you only had one child to look after, as long as you were looking after them for more than 16 hours a week you wouldn't lose your WTC

fitzilian19

Hello guys..

Exciting day... Got my 22week scan this morning (8.30) and going to find out the sex, hopefully!

hoping ex does turn up... this is his first real test.


will update when i get home from work ie, boy or girl...


eeek!!! soooo excited!