Single and in Debt Part II

makeup

sarahb123 wrote: »

I was thinking about getting one of those, does it work if you just sit on it, ie you use your musles to balance on it, or do you actually have to do exercises on it?

*crosses fingers*

Well it does work a bit if you just sit on it as you have to sit up straight and you have to use your core muscles to keep it steady without tipping over.

I have problems with my back and so I sit on it sometimes when my back is playing up and if you rock the ball back and forth it stretches out your back and it definitely makes me feel better.

Really though you need to do more than just sit on it for it to have any effect!!!

FeeFee

My fit(haha)ball lives in my shed - keeps the mice company throughout the winter :rotfl:I used mine loads when I first got it and thought it was fab, but like most faddy things I got bored of it, or it got bored of me!!:rolleyes:

sarahb123_3

Am having an LBM. Again. But I think this might be the real one this time. :rolleyes:

I think it may have been thinking of advice to offer other people re debts, I seem to have been giving quite a lot of advice recently, unfortunately, whilst it all looks good written down I am just unable to follow my own ideas. Am feeling a bit tearful now. I mean, reading papers online, cutting out vouchers etc are all useful, but they are not going to get me a house overnight (or even if I do them for years) and I am sick of penny pinching in those areas and then spending £50 on shoes or bedding or a skirt or perfume. And I want everything now and I think if I can't have it I will have this skirt or whatever instead to make me feel better.

The only way I am ever going to get my own home is to cut back on absolutely everything. No new clothes, shoes, no expensive ready meals, no nice new bedding, no magazines, no internet purchases because I want them (I actually got interupted in the middle of writing this by the postman with another parcel), no pretty patterned wine glasses, no expensive gadgets I get bored with a week later (yes DS Lite, I mean you), no expensive pretty notebooks at £8 a go, no cappuccino and cake because I happen to be passing and a hundred other things.

I am so annoyed with myself. I should have my own house and a nice car. My rent and my monthly debt repayments together are way more than a mortgage would cost. I have 3 ccs and a loan. I am tecnically debt free as I have more (just) in savings than debts and I don't want to touch my savings as they are for my house deposit/emergency fund. I am frittering away my money on rubbish. I should be in my own home by now being a responsible adult. I just buy what I want all the time, if it wasn't for the clothes challenge I would have even more stuff.

Right. I am going to come on here everyday and list what my money is spent on, that way I will be shamed into not buying anything that is not urgent, or if I do I will have to take it back. I need to account for every penny. I need to make a list when I go shopping. I need to make judicious purchase of books instead of running up and down the aisles like a child in a sweetshop. I need to sweep up every spare penny at the end of the month, half to overpayments, half into my savings where I can't touch it. I already post on the "what small dfw thing..." thread every day, but I will post it on here as well. I will have to hugely increase my NSDs and include everything in that, e.g 50p on chocolate counts as spending and ruins the day. I will post every single thing I do to reduce my debts.

I cannot carry on behaving the way I have been. It is embarrassing. I am on the shelf and I may have to face up to the fact that I might be on my own forever and never have children and I just find that so upsetting, I hate telling people I am single, I always feel so awkward. I think I may have missed the boat and I just feel so hopeless about it. *feels teary* I am embarrassed that I have a good job and yet I live in rented accommodation, I have a carp car, I am [STRIKE]overweight[/STRIKE] fat and nothing fits me. I throw a load of food out every week as it has gone off while i have been scoffing takeaways/ready meals/chocolate/rubbish. It is difficult to think of anything I am not embarrassed about at the moment.

This is all written in the wrong order because I am rambling, but I know what I mean. I want to sort it, but there are so many things to sort it just feels overwhelming.

FeeFee

Hi sarahb,

Sorry to hear you are having such a down day..bighug...
I am only just starting out on my DFW journey and am already feeling the effects of the emotional rollercoaster of facing up to how rubbish I am with money. I am oh so good at pretending to myself that it's fine - or better still I can afford it I just got paid!! (when in reality my pay has just been swallowed by OD and I'm just spending the banks money again....):rolleyes:

Reading the threads on this forum has shown me that its not easy to change your mindset but it is possible so keep your chin up and we'll get there, somehow or other

sarahb123_3

Thanks FeeFee, just had a walk to the charity shop with some books and sat down now with coffee, feeling a bit better for writing it down, but I think this must be my serious LBM as I can't carry on like this. Don't want to be renting when I am a pensioner:rolleyes:

Going to do a bit more decluttering now, if I am going to be trapped here for a while I need it to at least look half decent:o

Ossireo

Sarah

You always are such an inspiration to us all and it makes me sad to see you being so hard on yourself, but maybe its the talking to that you feel that you deserve from your inner self. Do whatever it takes to help you keep to your path towards your own place. You have a decent job, that's a big step that some people may struggle with, so try to focus on that as a positive and a tool to help you get what you want.

Keep strong and positive, it will all be worth it in the end.

Oss xx

Buffythedebtslayer

((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

Oh Sarah I am sorry you feel so bad. I really am. I know I have been avoiding my friends this holiday cos the one and only time I went out although I had a good time I was VERY aware I was the only single person there and most people were younger then me.

When your life doesn't work out the way you always assumed it would it takes along time to figure out what to do instead. I am still wondering. I have been so depressed recently and not even looked at my bank account

Its very hard Sarah and don't think it isn't. I think both of us need to find something to enthuse about and focus on.

to be honest for me its the house, renting it out and then travelling - all the places I should have gone in my twenties when I was in pointless relationships and hankering after horrible men.

I can't really write much more, cos I feel so much of what you feel.

take care hon and know you are not alone in this.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

makeup

A dodgy hug for you Sarah - :grouphug:

It is so easy for you ( and of course for all of us) to become overwhelmed by our problems and to feel like we haven't made any progress.

But think about it - you have made a massive amount on Quidco and you've spent a tenner on clothes so far this year. This sounds like a big achievement to me. I've made about £15 on Quidco and I was delighted with that small amount.

I know what you mean about spending money on bits and bobs that you don't need. I'm such a sucker for lovely stationery too! Paperchase has way too much of my money!!! However now, I tend to only spend money on presents so if I'm in a nice shop I'm more likely to be looking for a gift rather than for me.

I, too, have the goal of buying my own flat so I think of it more like I will save the money to buy something lovely once I get into my flat and have a better idea of what I'll need so I've not bought new bedlinen for ages and have stopped my love of kitchenwares!!

Please try not to get upset about being single and worrying about being 'on the shelf' (plus stop using that horrible phrase :eek:). There is so much anecdotal evidence about couples meeting when they least expected or least hoped they would. I remember spending an evening with a friend of mine in tears and absolutely distraught and she was convinced she was destined to be single forever and shortly afterwards she got together with her husband and they are planning their first baby now. I think once you are feeling better about yourself and have achieved some of your goals you can start being more active about meeting someone. For example think about internet dating (I've been to one wedding and know two couples who live together who met online), making sure you are 'out there' - if you don't meet new men you are unlikely to find a new boyfriend and things like that but I think you might find this easier when you feel a bit more optimistic and positive???

I feel like I've really benefitted from being part of the 'Single and Fabulous' thread community and I think you should feel really proud for setting that up. I've been able to talk about things on here that I haven't necessarily been able to talk about with my friends (they're not exactly smug marrieds but it isnt' the same as chatting with the single folks!!!)

sarahb123_3

Ossireo wrote: »

maybe its the talking to that you feel that you deserve from your inner self.

Thanks Ossireo, I hadn't thought of it like that but maybe you are right, I have been at the self help books recently:o and I certainly do need a talking to at the moment. Well, my inner self and I are going to make a plan.

FeeFee

Good luck with the plan :j:j:j