Single and in Debt Part II

Shoe_Gal

sarahb123 wrote: »

And if I do meet someone I won't be able to enjoy it properly because everything will have to happen so fast for me to be able to catch everyone up. Does that make any sense at all? I am running out of time. :mad: I do really get myself into a rage about this sometimes, I just feel so cheated.

And don't even get me started on people turning up with their partners. Am sick of doing every single thing on my own all of the time.

Sarah, you need to stop thinking like this! Remember you are F Fabulous and working with what you've got! Please don't think about all the stuff you haven't got - celebrate what you have :A There are plenty of people in really unhappy relationships who, from the outside, look like they have it all :rolleyes:

Buffythedebtslayer

sarahb123 wrote: »

Aww Buffy, big hugs. You are not being shallow at all. I know exactly what you mean. It is so difficult to explain sometimes how I feel about it. I am happy seeing friends getting married, getting a house together, having babies, etc but I just feel so powerless and left behind. I really can't put it into words properly. I feel like my time is running out and I will miss out on everything. Not just one little bit of it, but every single bit.

And if I do meet someone I won't be able to enjoy it properly because everything will have to happen so fast for me to be able to catch everyone up. Does that make any sense at all? I am running out of time. :mad: I do really get myself into a rage about this sometimes, I just feel so cheated.

And don't even get me started on people turning up with their partners. Am sick of doing every single thing on my own all of the time.

Yeah that is pretty much it. I was ok till I saw the pictures. you see I think if I ever decided i wanted kids, like really wanted them and was safe money wise I would do it alone. I really don't have any success with men. All the ones I like are horrible and I was coming to terms with the being single thing.

then I saw the pictures, all the happy family shots. and I just thought I'll never have that. It will always be me on my own. doing it all by myself.

All of my close friends are married, most have children. That left behind feeling is permament. I was getting used to it. Planning my future - once debt free to travel work abroad.

but sometimes its just gets shoved in your face. I know I will have happiness somehow, but it won't be the kind of happiness I was hoping for. Does that make sense?

It all sounds very self indulgent. sorry
xxxx

sarahb123_3

Shoe_Gal wrote: »

Sarah, you need to stop thinking like this! Remember you are F Fabulous and working with what you've got! Please don't think about all the stuff you haven't got - celebrate what you have :A There are plenty of people in really unhappy relationships who, from the outside, look like they have it all :rolleyes:

I know, I am just having a down day. I just can't help it. I am getting nowhere fast and I am so used to being single that most of the time it just doesn't even register, It's like I can't even imagine an alternative and the idea I will ever meet anyone is so ludicrous, which is why I get so down when I start feeling like this. It is just so ****ing frustrating because nothing changes ever. And the changes I can make, weight, debts, etc are taking so long. I am turning into a bitter old lady.

*can't decide whether to put down the wine or pour some more*

Shoe_Gal

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I know I will have happiness somehow, but it won't be the kind of happiness I was hoping for. Does that make sense?

Buffy, this makes perfect sense - and is the way we all have to think. If we pin our happiness on meeting somebody to make us happy we are settling ourselves up for failure

I know I sound like I've come over all 'self helpy' - read a few of my posts and my diary and you'll see I'm not so good at putting it into practice That's why I rely on everybody on here to give me a boost when I'm feeling low - and hopefully I can do the same when other people hit a low?

Shoe_Gal

sarahb123 wrote: »

*can't decide whether to put down the wine or pour some more*

Would defo go for the more option! :rotfl::rotfl:

Have just had a crackers and houmous moment - so much for my good day :rolleyes:

sarahb123_3

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

then I saw the pictures, all the happy family shots. and I just thought I'll never have that. It will always be me on my own. doing it all by myself.

I know, and it is not jealousy, I am happy for people, I just think, "for God's sake, it won't harm anyone or make any difference if I get that too, so why can't I have it?" Does the world need a certain number of single women to function? It's not fair. *stamps feet*

but sometimes its just gets shoved in your face. I know I will have happiness somehow, but it won't be the kind of happiness I was hoping for. Does that make sense?

Perfect sense. I know i will be happy of a sort, but i don't think I will ever be properly happy. I will have neices and nephews and godchildren and friends and a house and a job and holidays and I will have to keep pretending it is all right. I cannot even adequately describe how not alright it is. Because I will not get the one thing I want. I do not want to have children by myself.

I am sick of having to look after myself if I am ill, or having to suck it up if I am lonely or afraid or unhappy because no one really truly cares. Friends are not the same. I am sick of having fabby underwear no one will see, unless I get run over. I am sick of dealing with my car myself and getting ripped off. I am sick of having one room in a rented house. I am sick of being fat. I am sick of being poor.

I think I may be hormonal.:o

RosaBernicia

Aaaw lots of these for Buffy and Sarah... and anybody else currently suffering singleton blues :grouphug::grouphug: .

It hits us all from time to time but Shoe Gal is right - celebrate what you do have. I'm not sure anybody actually gets happiness in the form they expected, life just doesn't work like that.

And I've just read a psychology book called 'We: The Psychology of Romantic Love' by Robert A Johnson which you fellow self-helpers might find interesting.

Vodka jellies rule haven't yet found appropriate icon for thoughts on Simon Cowell issue but would suggest needs serious therapy

Rosa xx

RosaBernicia

Oh and any further thoughts on fear of rejection welcome .

Have got to know guy at work and really like him but am having trouble finding a way of suggesting meeting up outside of work. Have awful feeling may have missed the moment - he dropped some hefty hints at one point which left a space for me to offer to go see a film with him, and I didn't take it up as the whole office had their ears out on stalks... but the more I get to know him the more I like him and now I'm SO annoyed with myself! :mad:

My solution for the moment is to dress as prettily as possible and make sure I chat to him, and I think I will have to say something about being single just to make it clear. All other ideas appreciated...

Rosa xx

Shoe_Gal

sarahb123 wrote: »

I am sick of having to look after myself if I am ill, or having to suck it up if I am lonely or afraid or unhappy because no one really truly cares. Friends are not the same. I am sick of having fabby underwear no one will see, unless I get run over. I am sick of dealing with my car myself and getting ripped off. I am sick of having one room in a rented house. I am sick of being fat. I am sick of being poor.

I think I may be hormonal.:o

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: oh Sarah, you know I am laughing in the nicest possible way but the last sentence just cracked me up!

As for the rest - oh yes have felt all of that - I hate getting petrol and putting the bin out I'm lucky cos my Mum looks after me when I'm ill - and takes me to the dentist :rolleyes:

On a more serious note, I have never really wanted children and sometimes I am very grateful for that. I'm 42 and childless and would hate to be in that 'time's running out' frame of mind. I sympathise with anybody who does feel that way, it must be soul destroying

sarahb123_3

RosaBernicia wrote: »

My solution for the moment is to dress as prettily as possible and make sure I chat to him, and I think I will have to say something about being single just to make it clear. All other ideas appreciated...

Rosa xx

Well, the book about how to get a man after 40 we were discussing on the thread a few months ago advises that if you are single you must always dress in your every day life in something your mother would describe as lovely, i.e. baggy trousers and laddered tights might be alright for harassed mothers, but you must never look like you have given up if you are single. I am stuggling with this to be honest as although I think it is sound advice, nothing fits. But I think dressing as prettily as possible is a great idea.