I'm back (VERY SCARED) debt free diary

kelie

I too lost my Dad recently. A horrible experience - worst experience of my life. It really made me take stock of things. I guess it made me realise how fragile life is. I have no idea what happens to us once we pass, all I know is that in the relatively short time that we have on this earth, we may as well make it as happy as possible.

I'm currently in my mid thirties. It doesn't seem that long ago when I was at school; however that is more than half of my life ago. Its scary how time passes - you blink and suddenly another year goes by.

Anyway I'm rambling now.

You're not rambling, it's nice to have someone to talk to at this time of night!! Losing my dad has made me think differently about a lot of things too. For one, i'm still not sure on where my beliefs are when it comes to him "watching down over me" but i'm pretty sure if he was he would be so disappointed with me for putting up with things the way they are. Secondly, I never met my grandfather but he was an alcoholic and my dad always says how difficult my grandmother (never met her either) life was trying to cope with bringing up the family and paying the bills. I know he would not want that life for me.

epsilondraconis

The "watching down on me" bit is something that I've thought a lot about too. I think, if he is watching down on me, is he watching me all of the time, or is he doing other things as well! If he's doing other things what is he doing?

I used to watch programmes like Crossing Over With John Edward. Although I'm something of a sceptic, he did seem to be very accurate with the information he was getting. Quite different to someone like Derek Acorah, who didn't seem as convincing in my opinion. Anyway, I've wondered whether someone like John Edward is actually communicating with the person that has passed. I have some friends that are Christians and they seem to believe that mediums are simply just talking to the devil and getting information from him / her / it and not communicating with the spirit of the deceased.

Just so you're aware, I'm not a religious freak or nutcase. Its just made me wonder I guess.

Why is everything so damn complicated. So many questions and so few answers. Perhaps we'll get them answered one day.

I guess deep down all I hope is that he is somewhere nice so that he is no longer in pain (from his illness).

Anyway, I think we both need to get to bed. The problem is that I currently have the cat sitting on my lap and so I guess I'll get funny looks if I ask her to move.

kelie

Haha i have my kitten sprawled all over my lap too. I took him to my mums today when we went for sunday lunch (5 minute car journey) and he spent 2 hours running around like a nutcase. Brought him home and he is so worn out he's slept ever since. I should really make a move to bed though or I won't be able to get up early in the morning and that's one downside to working from home. No set time I *need* to be up. Not that I laze around and don't work all day. I generally work in the evenings on the laptop to make up for that extra hour in bed.

I don't know where I stand on the life after death thing. My sister believes in it a lot, and goes to see mediums etc. I am too scared to! I don' t think that they would be watching on us all the time as there are times we need for privacy including bathroom and bedroom activity!! My sisters theory is that he watches at times of need and spreads around the family when we each need him. Its still early days for her to be freaking me out with this sort of stuff though as she says she can talk to him and ask him questions which made me burst into tears if i am honest.

First thing in the morning I am going to make a to do list on my wordpress blog and on here, and see how many i can get crossed off. I guess getting the car mirror fixed before my mum notices is high priority or she will be really angry with me and tell me i'm not looking after dads property. *sigh*

epsilondraconis

I too work from home which is why I'm still up at this crazy hour. The cat has just jumped off of my lap and so I'll be heading off to bed in a bit.

I doubt I'll ever go to see a medium. I spent some quality time with my Dad before he passed - something I will treasure forever. It's only been 3 months since he passed but it has gone so quickly.

Anyway, I guess we shouldn't dwell on matters such as these too much. We're young (well, you more than me) and hopefully we have lots of good things to look forward to.

Everything that happens in my life I try my best to take the positives out of it. It's so easy to become depressed about situations and see only the bad things. A number of years ago I was doing a job that I detested - I hated it. However, I got through it and now I work from home and things are going well (except for Dad passing and a couple of other things).

However now when things start getting difficult, I look back at the time in my life where things were going badly. I think to myself how proud I am that I got through those difficult times and came out the other side a stronger person.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that although things aren't great for you at the moment, I'm sure at some point further down the road, you will realise that you are happy once again. You too will be able to look back on this time and take the positives out of it and be proud of yourself for getting through it.

Nighty night...

TheBex

Hi Kelie,

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, it must be a really dreadful time for you. I think you're doing really well to be working hard on the finances at a time when so many people would just bury their heads. Kudos.

Your OH sounds completely useless. I know you've been told this loads before, but I'd rather be honest. It is good that he is showing signs if improvement, but please be careful, it could just be temporary.

On the life after death thing, there's a saying that no-one who is truly loved ever really dies. You've got your Dad with you all the time, because you carry around the love and memories he gave you.

I was wondering (if it's not too rude or upsetting) how your Dad felt about the OH, and what he would suggest?

Right, now to finances. It sounds like you do a lot of driving for other people. I used to do this all the time and the petrol bill really adds up. Now I tell potential passengers that I'm on a petrol budget and can't stretch to their trip without a contribution. And seriously, if you're doing the driving, you should definitely not be paying for the bridge (or parking)!!

Have you thought about getting a lodger? That way you would know that at least some of your mortgage was covered every month, no matter what. Also having someone else in the house might help OH to see his behaviour how other people do, and may calm him down. You could set the rent to cover their share of bills including the BT that you're stuck with and the CT, or you could ask them to pay a share when the bills come in. IMO the first is way easier. I know it's quite a drastic approach, but it sounds like your situation is fairly drastic.

Groceries. I know that "oops another £5 in Tesco" feeling, it's my Achilles heel. I have found that grocery delivery is where the love is at. That way you can't be tempted by last minute things you don't really need. You can see all the special offers on the website before you go too. The delivery charge normally pays for itself in savings. Alternatively you could send the OH with a strict list and the right money. Showing him that level of trust and asking him to take some responsibility for himself might even help with the other problems. It would do him some good to understand the cost of living.

Shopping. Don't go. Ever. I find that if I'm not in the shops, I don't spend money. I know it sounds totally obvious, but its just that thing of taking yourself away from the temptation. If your Mum or friends need some company, then do something else and suggest your better-off sister goes to town with your Mum instead. If you actually need something specific (like in the case of the necklace for your Dad's funeral) then you need to be strict with yourself. What I do is find things and prices on the internet to get an idea of how much money I'll need, then take that much cash with me and leave the cards at home. If you find the perfect thing and it's just a little more that you have with you then you can either go into the bank and withdraw money without the card (if you know the details and have ID) or ask the shop to hold it until the next day.

I've just read your whole thread in one go and had loads of other points as I read along, but it's super late and I have business to attend to in the morning, so I'm shooting off. I'll add other things when I remember them. Until then good luck, and look after yourself.

Bex.

TheBex

Oh, and don't give up the baths, they really are too important!

Swinstie73

Hi Kelie,

I agree with everyone about your OH and his drinking problem, I had a wee problem with my OH last year when he was drinking far too much and I would dread going out with him cos he got drunk really quickly, he is also diabetic and I would worry that he was taking a hypo, which I've seen him do and it's a lot like being drunk. He really listened to me and has cut down drastically, he works hard all week and I don't grudge him a drink at the weekend, but he knows when to stop now.

Hope things improve, will look out for updates and good luck x

rosered1963

Hi Kelie!

You have had some brill advice on here. Hope you keep posting and I am thinking about you.

kelie

I was wondering (if it's not too rude or upsetting) how your Dad felt about the OH, and what he would suggest?

I know my dad wouldn't be very happy with me or him. My dad was never a drinker, because of his dad. My mum thinks I take after him because I can leave it alone too. It makes me feel like I should be booting OH out when I think about how my dad would percieve it. I know before he passed he told my mum he was really worried about me, moreso than my sister because at least she was financially sound. He didn't even know the extent of my debts etc, just that I had one or two credit cards. Bless him.

Have you thought about getting a lodger?

I've actually asked my best friend to move in with us, as she can get the train to work from here. She said if OH moved out, she would but she would bring her border collie with her. Was a bit :S about the dog incase he tried to eat my kitten but to be honest I think it would be the other way around lol.

Now I tell potential passengers that I'm on a petrol budget and can't stretch to their trip without a contribution.

My mum is a star, she always offers to put petrol in if its nearing empty. She put £30 in last time! I feel so bad for asking or taking though, she can't drive so she needs me really and sister to take her places that she can't get to on the bus. Plus its company for her too. My friend usually doesn't offer petrol money but when we're in tesco for example she'll push me out of the way so she can pay. Bless them both.

Groceries. I know that "oops another £5 in Tesco" feeling, it's my Achilles heel. I have found that grocery delivery is where the love is at.

I used to do online shopping once every 10 to 14 days, but still found I was nipping around to get milk and a dozen other things would jump into my basket. They really should tie these things down to the shelves lol. Seriously though I am probably going to go back to online shopping as I can menu plan, and order only what we need. It will help the waistline no end too especially with all these blasted creme eggs floating near the tills!

kelie

I woke up this morning with a banging headache, but I figured I would get my to do list sorted so I could actually get on with some work!

• [strike]Take car to get mirror fixed[/strike] (The guy charged me £10 but got brake light fixed too, excellent!!)
• Finish of design proof for M.
• Continue working on website templates for D.
• Invoice S £180.
• Check up on money owed by C.
• [STRIKE]Contact SJ Avon Guy about my new sales leader.[/STRIKE]
• Phone Mary Re Rep Appointment
• Collect in Avon Brochures (not looking forward to this bit!)
• Parcel up and post 2 amazon marketplace orders.
• Find US checks and send them off.
• Find £60 cheque and take to the bank tomorrow.
• Have a no spend day apart from fixing the car!
• Check if Seb paid me for business card design.