I'm back (VERY SCARED) debt free diary

kelie

I would like advice, as I am at a crossroads in my life. The thing I keep telling myself is okay I will be in pain if I kick him out, but it will be a lot less pain than if I keep him and either a) he never gets better or b) he gets better and dumps me anyway.

I have got a few books on alcoholism and how to live with an alcoholic partner which are really good, telling you to ignore him when he is, and if he makes a mess etc leave it so he can see it in the morning which is very true. The only thing I don't leave is if he has spilt something on the carpet as I don't want them staining. But I leave everything else now whereas before I used to clean up after him and try and get him in the bed. At the risk of being completely flamed here, he has turned violent before.

I know I am co-dependant, I don't know why I am funding him. I need to stop, sometimes if he has had a drink I don't want an arguement and I do feel a bit scared whereas if he is sober completely I'm quite happy to say no and argue it out.

His parents are going to Portugal for 2 months in a couple of weeks, so he will be alone there. I know they don't want him there either as he breaks things and ruins things. Thank you everyone who has posted in this thread by the way, I really do appreciate it, even if I look like i'm banging my head against a brick wall.

rosered1963

Hi Kelie - Thanks for your honesty. I can see exactly where you are coming from now.

The thing I keep telling myself is okay I will be in pain if I kick him out, but it will be a lot less pain than if I keep him and either a) he never gets better or b) he gets better and dumps me anyway. - spot on.

Maybe you aren't quite ready. I hope what I have said to you so far makes some sense. You could post a new thread on the families and relationships board about this issue. This will pull in a lot more input. You seem willing to listen to whatever anyone has to say. I'm sure no-one will flame you. You still love your OH. By the way, as well as being in the alcohol field, I have also been thru exactly what you are going thru, so I know how you feel. Bye for now, and here's hoping you have a quiet night.

rosered1963

PS - I went thru it wth two people - both are now dead - one at 31 and one at 39

kelie

Oh my god I am really sorry to hear that. My OH is 30. I am 27.

rosered1963

One was my Oh - I eventually left him as realised nothing I could do. He died 4 years later. The other was my wonderful talented brother, who I obviously could not leave. I would never take it from an OH now though x

kelie

As you can tell i'm up late. I'm working, waiting for the phone call to go pick him up. If I tell him to get a taxi I end up having to pay for it anyway so it doesn't make any sense.

Would you be interested in talking in Private Message or on MSN etc so it's a bit more private btw?

rosered1963

Sure Kelie - pm me anytime! Off now as need to get some sleep X

redstararnie76

Hi Kelie,
It's me again, poking my nose in. Just wanted to point out that when I posted before I hadn't realised how extreme your OH's drinking is. Having read your other threads, I agree entirely with Rose, and I just wanted to second her comments which sound like very good advice...
Good luck, it sounds like you have a difficult road ahead of you. I suspect you know what you need to do, it's just hard to find the strength to do it. Just remember that you sound like a good person and that you aren't being selfish in looking out for your self - that's self preservation and there's a important difference! You need to look after yourself.

kelie

After last night (he kicked off) he woke up this morning feeling very bad about the whole situation. He asked me to go get him a bottle of wine, to which I said no. I said i understood his body needed sugar, but instead of getting him wine I was going to buy a bottle of coca cola and a bunch of sweeties like haribo etc to get the sugar kick.

At first he seemed really !!!!ed off about the whole situation but I didn't give in, and its 8pm now and he hasn't had a drink. Mind you I had to lock him in when I popped to my mums to make sure he didnt gather any spare change and go buy some.

I know its early days, day 1 of no alcohol but I am proud of him as normally by this time on a saturday he has had a bottle of wine and 4 cans and is getting ready to go out with his mates in town. We are going to stay in and watch dvds and go to bed at a reasonable hour for a change.

On another side note, I paid my months mortgage, unfortunately had to go further into my overdraft to do so, I am now £2400 overdrawn in my current account I am going to go on a mad no spend spree and also a earning money spree over the next months. I am still waiting to hear back from ex to see if I can take the payment break on the mortgage.

I will have a bill next week though. OH ripped the middle internal mirror out of its socket last night in the car on the way home and I need to get it fixed as it's my dads car, mum will go nuts if she sees it. I dont know how much it will cost though. Any ideas?

kdalwayskint

(((hugs))) Kelie

Sorry hun, I dont know how much it would cost to get your mirror sorted out.

Hope you have had a good evening in with your dvds and oh.

Kels xxx