What is fair when dividing your estate within a step-family?

funbus

My partner and I would really value your opinions on what you would do if you were in this situation.

We have been together for just over 12 years. He has a son aged 22 from a previous marriage, who still lives at home with us. I don't have any children. In writing his will, do you think it is reasonable that my partner should split his estate 50/50 between his son and me?

Usually, in a ‘normal’ marriage, everything would go to the surviving spouse which would then be passed to the children upon the spouse’s death. Yet step-families are different aren’t they?

I know the ultimate decision is my partner’s but we’d be interested to hear your views on this.

What do you think would be fair or right? And are they the same thing?

Thank you!

lostinrates

funbus wrote: »

My partner and I would really value your opinions on what you would do if you were in this situation.

We have been together for just over 12 years. He has a son aged 22 from a previous marriage, who still lives at home with us. I don't have any children. In writing his will, do you think it is reasonable that my partner should split his estate 50/50 between his son and me?

Usually, in a ‘normal’ marriage, everything would go to the surviving spouse which would then be passed to the children upon the spouse’s death. Yet step-families are different aren’t they?

I know the ultimate decision is my partner’s but we’d be interested to hear your views on this.

What do you think would be fair or right? And are they the same thing?

Thank you!

If no other children I think a fair thing for you, and 'comforting' for partners peace of mind for both you longterm futures is giving you a life interst in the property, but leave it to the son. Most people have substantial parts of their wealth in the house, so your partner can be sure that you will not be without home, but in the longterm his son will have something. Money? Personally if I were your partner, and depending on wealth in house v cash/investments, I'd probably leave most to a partner, with a smaller gift to a child...who would eventually be getting the house any way

Toto

My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage, I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and we have one together. We have written our will that all children get the same, they are all 'our kids' who we love, even the one who doesn't live with us.

The property (if we have one) would go to the surviving one, but then when the last one of us dies that will be split between the kids. We each have 2 life insurance policies, one for the kids one for the surviving spouse.

I've no idea what my dad has planned and to be honest I'm not at all interested in his money. Dad has my brother and I from his first marriage and a son from his second. I fully expect the youngest to inherit everything, and to be honest that's fine with me. Personally I would rather he spent the lot and enjoyed life before he goes, just as my mum did who died at 54 without a penny to her name but she had so much of a life crammed in those 54 years it's a massive comfort.

I don't have much of a relationship with my Dad which is a shame but he really isn't the paternal type at all and can't cope with (or has no interest in) his grandchildren. So having his money really would mean nothing to me.

I think in your situation I would leave the house to the surviving spouse with the understanding it goes to the son after you have both gone. Maybe a sum of money from an insurance policy if there is one. But really, the best inheritance you can give your kids is a mass of lovely memories and plenty of time and love before you go.

MrsTinks

My parents (mum and step dad) addressed this a couple of years ago - they have 4 kids in total - he has 2 from previous marriage, mum had me and together they have a son. The will is made out so that the surviving spouse will remain in the house until they pass away at which point in time the house will be split equally between all 4 of us. Some of the items from various sides of the family have been mentioned in the will as there are things of my grandmothers that will go to me, some of my grandads that will be my younger brothers and things from my stepdads side of the family that will naturally be split between the other 3 as they are his blood and I am not. I think that is totally fair.
For mum and her hubby the main concern was that no-one would try to lay claim to the house should either of them pass away before the other so they actually had agreements drawn up by solicitors that we all signed stating that we agreed not to try and put in any claim on the house or contents in the event of either of them passing away before the other.
My younger brother and I signed without blinking... my stepsiblings... both objected and had to be told they would be excluded from the will completely unless they signed... which was I think what mum and her hubby expected and the reason they did it...

Definitely make sure you can remain in the house if anything should happen - money can do strange things to people sadly

Floss

My OH will receive my share of our home when I die + any death in service payment & pension, my 2 sons will receive my life insurance. I thought that was the only fair way to do it - I don't want them forcing him to sell the home he lives in to get their share of my estate.

busiscoming2

I have 2 children my oh and I have 1 together, we made our wills last year, Upon one of our deaths it goes to surviving spouse, upon the other death (or both together) the estate is split equally 3 ways. To my oh they are ALL his children.

Biggles

funbus wrote: »

We have been together for just over 12 years. He has a son aged 22 from a previous marriage, who still lives at home with us. I don't have any children. In writing his will, do you think it is reasonable that my partner should split his estate 50/50 between his son and me?

Tricky. You don't say whether you and he owns the house, whether he does or whether you rent.

He might have concerns that, should he die first, you might change your own will and leave 'his' estate to another member of your family, or you might remarry and leave it to your new spouse and/or your own children.

I don't know that there is a 'right' answer.

Triggles

DH & I have 3 children, 1 each from a prior marriage, and 1 together, with another on the way. Our oldest two are adults, the one younger is 2yrs. We have our wills so that if something happens to one of us, everything goes to the other. We look at all the children as "ours" and know that the surviving parent would take care of all the children. But if something happens to both of us, the majority of the estate would go to the toddler (in trust, to provide for his upbringing) and the new baby (for the same reason, once it's born). The older 2 children know this, and are fine with it. They are adults and can provide for themselves, and they realise that we have to look out for the 2 youngest that still need to be raised. Once we reach the point where these 2 youngest are adults, then we will go and alter the will to reflect that change.

margaretclare

busiscoming2 wrote: »

I have 2 children my oh and I have 1 together, we made our wills last year, Upon one of our deaths it goes to surviving spouse, upon the other death (or both together) the estate is split equally 3 ways. To my oh they are ALL his children.

I agree with this. We're in a second marriage (well, it's my second but his third) and when we got married we said the words 'all that I have I share with you...'

Therefore there can be no 'his' and 'mine', only 'ours'.

We've left everything to each other and on the second death, it all gets turned into cash and divided equally between 5 grandchildren, 3 of mine and 2 of his. Title to this property is in joint names, not tenants in common, so that whoever dies first, there is no question but that the survivor owns it 100%. That's the way we planned it and that's the way it's gotta be.

Mojisola

funbus wrote: »

My partner and I would really value your opinions on what you would do if you were in this situation.

We have been together for just over 12 years. He has a son aged 22 from a previous marriage, who still lives at home with us. I don't have any children. In writing his will, do you think it is reasonable that my partner should split his estate 50/50 between his son and me?

Usually, in a ‘normal’ marriage, everything would go to the surviving spouse which would then be passed to the children upon the spouse’s death. Yet step-families are different aren’t they?

I know the ultimate decision is my partner’s but we’d be interested to hear your views on this.

What do you think would be fair or right? And are they the same thing?

Thank you!

Do you own the house? Is it in joint names or just your partner's? If your home is part of the estate then you could be living for the rest of your life with your step-son - plus any new partners either of you have. Sounds like a difficult situation.

tamlem

Have read this with interest.

My parents are divorced and both remarried. Last year when a family death led to my father voicing his concerns that wills should be completely fair he stated that upon both he and his wives deaths their estate will be split 50-50 then 50% will be shared between my stepmothers 2 children and 50% shared between his 3 children. So this clearly means unequal shares for the total 5 children?

I guessed there were logical reasons for this and that perhaps it was a common thing and as many others have said, have no interest in their money anyway, think they would be better off enjoying it themselves before they die. But this thread has made it seem more unusual?

Does anyone else have things set up in this way?

Interestingly my father inherited a significant amount of money from my Grandfather a couple of years ago. He decided to share a small amount (for tax purposes) between the 5 of us and did this equally, (my Grandfather had barely met my fathers 2 stepchildren). It wasnt an issue but i guess his reasoning would have been that he inherited the money so it was therefore his and his wives so he divided it equally? It doesnt seem to fit with the spirit of the will?

Has anyone got any thoughts on this?