What is fair when dividing your estate within a step-family?

berts_mrs

3plus1

It is not a question of 'cutting her off' and never has been. The financial support he will have given her will far outway anything we could give our own children and yes this support means that our children will have to go without so if we are being fair then our children, if we have any, will take what is ours. At the end of the day it is his choice.

We took legal advice at the time of writing the wills and the chances of her varying them once she reaches adulthood are slim. If of course my oh dies before then I will expect a claim to be made on his estate and if there is any money other than in the property we hold together (not a chance) then I will cross that bridge then. She will of course be perfectly welcome to her share of the debts that her mother left him with.

Mojisola

berts_mrs wrote: »

It is not a question of 'cutting her off' and never has been. The financial support he will have given her will far outway anything we could give our own children and yes this support means that our children will have to go without so if we are being fair then our children, if we have any, will take what is ours. At the end of the day it is his choice.

My parents' wills have divided their money unevenly - for a good reason. The solicitor drew up a letter which is kept with the will which explains why they have done this just in case there is any dispute after they die. It would be worth doing something similar.

lostinrates

berts_mrs wrote: »

. She will of course be perfectly welcome to her share of the debts that her mother left him with.

I rarely comment on personal decisions like this, but, just ....wow.

ailuro2

I agree - leaving one of your kids out of your will because you had to pay for the upkeep for her after you divorced, but then if you have kids with her step mother then you'll leave it all to them.

Good gracious - no wonder step mothers have a reputation for being wicked when you hear stories like this - it's not the DD's fault the CSA decided on the levels of payment they did, is it?:eek:

I think the OP should have it written into the will that the son gets a half share of the house but can't claim it until the last spouse dies or moves into a smaller home when he can claim some of his share.;)

moggylover

berts_mrs wrote: »

3plus1

It is not a question of 'cutting her off' and never has been. The financial support he will have given her will far outway anything we could give our own children and yes this support means that our children will have to go without so if we are being fair then our children, if we have any, will take what is ours. At the end of the day it is his choice.

We took legal advice at the time of writing the wills and the chances of her varying them once she reaches adulthood are slim. If of course my oh dies before then I will expect a claim to be made on his estate and if there is any money other than in the property we hold together (not a chance) then I will cross that bridge then. She will of course be perfectly welcome to her share of the debts that her mother left him with.

What a repugnant attitude! Whatever the sins of the mother it takes a particularly nasty streak to visit those on ones own child imo!

BTW: If you have children of your own, you can ask for a variance of the support payments, and I am sure they will not have to go without, so I really do not understand your stance against your stepdaughter at all.

lostinrates

funbus wrote: »

It is rather difficult because my OH has to trust me that I won't change my will after his death, should I succeed him. I won't but how can he be reassured? Can a condition be written into his will that I cannot do this later on? Circumstances change, who can say what will happen a few years down the line? What if I want/need to move at a later date? I definitely won't be having any children so that won't be an issue.

I don't want to seem money-grabbing - I just want to be secure and have a roof over my head!.

This iswhy, at the beginning I suggested leaving the house to the son, but a life interest to you.


The difficulty would be how circumstances change, and what those circumstances were, but it seems the fairest provision to you both: it gives you security of somewhere to live for your entire life, regarless of what life brings, and your partner's son security that you will not remarry or otherwise change your will. Ultimately, it will reassure your partner that you are secure as is his son's inheritance.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who shuddered BTW Moggylover and ailuro2.

moggylover

lostinrates wrote: »

This iswhy, at the beginning I suggested leaving the house to the son, but a life interest to you.


The difficulty would be how circumstances change, and what those circumstances were, but it seems the fairest provision to you both: it gives you security of somewhere to live for your entire life, regarless of what life brings, and your partner's son security that you will not remarry or otherwise change your will.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who shuddered BTW Moggylover and ailuro2.

I didn't just shudder: I retched:D

squirrelchops

My Mum is leaving the house to me but any money she has to my half brothers. The reason for this is that it was father's house, on his farm hence my brothers, who were not my fathers children she thinks should not be entitled to it.

Over the years they have been given various bits of money and 1 even procured the farmhouse from the estate as he worked on the farm so all in all they wo't have done too badly at all!

lostinrates

squirrelchops wrote: »

My Mum is leaving the house to me but any money she has to my half brothers. The reason for this is that it was father's house, on his farm hence my brothers, who were not my fathers children she thinks should not be entitled to it.

Over the years they have been given various bits of money and 1 even procured the farmhouse from the estate as he worked on the farm so all in all they wo't have done too badly at all!

I can understand this difficulty with half siblings. I have a half sister, much older, and we have all talked quite openly about what would make us comfortable with the will. As far as my father is concerned he married a woman who was a mother, albeit the mother of an adult, and that my sister is his step-daughter, and the word daughter is important. Therefore a suggestion was made of half and half division of funds and stuff. But there is another factor, that is that my half sister has children while I do not. I am quite sure to have smething of sentiment and indeed of worth would mean a lot to those children, and I am quite content that this should mean I end up with less than half. Quite frankly, I hope they spend it all on themselves and have nothing to leave, and if they do leave very little then I'm happy for the rest of the family to have it: my personal circumstances are better. However, although dificult to discuss I'm glad that we were able to talk about it in advance. It gave me the opportunity to show my parents I thought they were right, and also to feel loved by my father and to have him explain his reasoning and commitment to both daughter and step daughter.

silvercar

lostinrates wrote: »

I can understand this difficulty with half siblings. I have a half sister, much older, and we have all talked quite openly about what would make us comfortable with the will. As far as my father is concerned he married a woman who was a mother, albeit the mother of an adult, and that my sister is his step-dauhter, and the word daughter is important. Therefore a suggestion was made of half and half division of funds and stuff. But there is another factor, that is that my half sister has children while I do not. I am quite sure to have smething of sentiment and indeed of worth would mean a lot to those children, and I am quite content that this should mean I end up with less than half. Quite frankly, I hope they spend it all on themselves and have nothing to leave, and if they do leave very little then I'm happy for the rest of the family to have it: my personal circumstances are better. However, although dificult to discuss I'm glad that we were able to talk about it in advance. It gave me the opportunity to show my parents I thought they were right, and also to feel loved by my father and to have him explain his reasoning and commitment to both daughter and step daughter.

You have a very generous nature.:T