What is fair when dividing your estate within a step-family?

annie2005

Just whatever you do make sure the legal ramifications are checked out. I used to work in a solicitors office and the best of intentions can get trashed because of legal technicalities. The amount of misery caused by home will kits has to be seen to be believed.

berts_mrs

When me and my OH first bought our house I asked him to make a will to ensure that I would be able to keep the house if he died as he was divorced and had a child from that marriage. I wasn't interested in any money he may or may not have just wanted to make sure I was secure.

We made our wills together, I decided that in the first instance I would leave everything I had (money, property etc) to him, if he then died and we had a child/ren together it would pass to them, if no children then it would be given to Cancer Research. He decided to do exactly the same, it was totally his choice and by doing this has excluded his daughter. I'm not sure she will see this as fair or not but its up to him, he is of the view that with the very large divorce settlement and huge CSA payments she will have had more than her fair share.

PS I'm intending to spend every penny we have enjoying ourselves so there is nothing left to argue over!!

tamlem

Hi Mrs B.

Just wondered, do you mean that your oh would leave his money to charity rather than his daughter? Do they still have a good relationship or is that an issue?

Feel free to ignore the question if too intrusive! Dont mean to be nosy just curious!:o

taxi97w

Most would say splitting the money and assets equally is fair. I don't believe this.
If one inheriter already has ample money and assets (home) and the others don't, then splitting the estate equally isn't fair to me.
Distributing the estate so that everyone comes out in a similar situation, is fair.

burnsguitarman

Thank You for reminding me that ours wills need to be revised!

My OH and I have no children together, but I have a son from my first marriage, It is years since we made our wills (when my son was only 5).

It is our intention, to leave the house and all possessions to each other, and after the 2nd death everything would pass down to my son.

I suppose this could get complicated if the first surviving later remarried.

It really does need thinking about!

funbus

Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and ideas. It's an interesting discussion and it's enlightening to read others' experiences.

To answer the question from Biggles and Mojisola, the house is in my partner's name - it's his house and I moved in 12 years ago. Could we add my name to the deeds?

It is rather difficult because my OH has to trust me that I won't change my will after his death, should I succeed him. I won't but how can he be reassured? Can a condition be written into his will that I cannot do this later on? Circumstances change, who can say what will happen a few years down the line? What if I want/need to move at a later date? I definitely won't be having any children so that won't be an issue.

I don't want to seem money-grabbing - I just want to be secure and have a roof over my head!

Thank you again for all your opinions.

snowmaid

burnsguitarman wrote: »

Thank You for reminding me that ours wills need to be revised!

My OH and I have no children together, but I have a son from my first marriage, It is years since we made our wills (when my son was only 5).

It is our intention, to leave the house and all possessions to each other, and after the 2nd death everything would pass down to my son.

I suppose this could get complicated if the first surviving later remarried.

It really does need thinking about!

I have an ex-boyfriend who has experienced this. His Dad was killed in a motor accident. He was basically the sole provider. His wife (boyfriend's step mom) inherited everything as the surviving spouse. She has 2 children from a previous marriage.

She has remarried and my friend and his sister have basically lost out on any inheritance. She isn't a mean person by any means. I am not sure of the whole story, but my ex was upset. So a lot of thought has to go into it.

Mrs_P_Pincher

Agreed this can be a nightmare and I suspect the reason my step daughter has never spoken to me is that she thinks her inheritance as her Dad's only child will come to me and mine. In fact she will get what's due to her from his estate and mine will inherit from my estate. Mr P would just have split it three ways but I didn't think that was fair on his daughter.

Step families are just another reason why you should make a Will and have everything watertight.

Mrs P P

berts_mrs

Hi tamlem

In answer to your question yes he would give the money to charity rather than his daughter, sounds horrible when you say it like that but its not meant in a nasty way.

He has an ok relationship with her but she is still very young and her mother is not the easiest. By the time she reaches an age where she could inherit she will have had several hundreds of thousands of pounds by way of her upkeep and he thinks that is enough. There is also the question of why should I give my hard earned money to her which I would be doing if he survives me, something I am not prepared to do. Hopefully we will have children of our own and it wont be an issue or if not like I said I will make sure we've spent it enjoying ourselves.

3plus1

berts_mrs wrote: »

By the time she reaches an age where she could inherit she will have had several hundreds of thousands of pounds by way of her upkeep and he thinks that is enough.

Well, if he's been financially supporting her and then decides to 'cut her off' on his death, she could probably apply for the will to be varied and get an inheritance anyway. Food for thought.

funbus wrote: »

It is rather difficult because my OH has to trust me that I won't change my will after his death, should I succeed him. I won't but how can he be reassured? Can a condition be written into his will that I cannot do this later on? Circumstances change, who can say what will happen a few years down the line? What if I want/need to move at a later date? I definitely won't be having any children so that won't be an issue.

I don't want to seem money-grabbing - I just want to be secure and have a roof over my head!

I think lostinrates hit the nail on the head with the first comment on this thread. If your OH wants to do right by both you and his DS, then he should give you a life interest in his house, with it passing to his DS on your death. That way you get a roof over your head when you need it, and his DS gets an inheritance in due course. (Assuming of course that he outlives you.)

As for the remainder of the estate, 50/50 sounds fair. An absolute interest in half for your OH's DS and either an absolute or a life interest in the other half for you.