What is fair when dividing your estate within a step-family?

Newly_retired

We each have 2 ( grown up) children from previous marriages. Our house is owned as tenants in common and our wills are set up so that the surviving spouse can stay on or move but won't have to sell purely in order to enable the children to inherit. Once the second one dies, it will be split four ways.
The surviving spouse gets 50% of the other's pension too.
DH's children will get their share of his possessions (he's a spender) and my children will get their share of my savings ( I'm a saver ).
We are both agreed on this.

Every family is different. You can't make hard and fast rules.

Newly_retired

Oh I meant to add, I inherited some money from my parents and what's left of that will go purely to my children and grandchildren. My parents would not have wanted it any other way.

Strapped

funbus wrote: »

My partner and I would really value your opinions on what you would do if you were in this situation.

We have been together for just over 12 years. He has a son aged 22 from a previous marriage, who still lives at home with us. I don't have any children. In writing his will, do you think it is reasonable that my partner should split his estate 50/50 between his son and me?

Usually, in a ‘normal’ marriage, everything would go to the surviving spouse which would then be passed to the children upon the spouse’s death. Yet step-families are different aren’t they?

I know the ultimate decision is my partner’s but we’d be interested to hear your views on this.

What do you think would be fair or right? And are they the same thing?

Thank you!

Just to say, we haven't left everything to the surviving spouse - the house goes to the kids, with the surviving spouse having a life interest - so they are secure but the kids will eventually inherit, regardless of remarriage or timescales. The only way to be sure that something is passed to someone is to will it that way.

Re. the step-family part: my husband has a child from a previous relationship, and we have 2 kids together. My Will states that my share is left to my two kids, but step-daughter will inherit a big slice if they predecease me or we all happen to go together. I think that's fair because step-daughter is grown, and probably wouldn't even notice if I died, in a financial sense. She has two bio parents to inherit from, and will inherit a share of her father's assets when he dies.

Edit: To Tamlem, yes then, we have things set up this way. We don't/won't have the issue of "money from grandparents" passing down though.

wendywitch

sandy2 wrote: »

Ah yes inheritance!!! Before I married I owned my house and had my own money, my second husband came to marriage with nothing. He had 5 grown up children. Since we married we have accrued joint assets including property, but I don't feel comfortable about his children inheriting my initial contribution to our now joint assets...am I horrible or would other people feel the same

No I don't think you are horrible. I would feel exactly the same.

belfastgirl23

We've had this question in my family - my dad was remarried and had 2 more kids after myself and my sister. He and his 2nd wife made wills about 20 years ago. She is leaving her full 50% of the estate to her own two kids, he is dividing his 50% equally between his 4 kids. So we would get 1/8th each, they get 3/8th each. To me the most important thing is clarity about it though and it's good that they did this.

In any case my dad's family are notably long lived so I definitely wouldn't be making any plans for the money Particularly since I think most of it is probably invested in their house and I'd never want to be in a position of forcing any of the 2nd family to sell up.

Interesting question though, I'm really glad it's all clear in our family.

And I still need to go and make my own will

patchwork_cat

This is a tricky one. Both my parents remarried and both are now dead and my stepfather too. My mother and stepfather had 5 kids between them and none together. My mum died a long time ago, and left all her money to her husband. What got me was though that she did not put any conditions in her will what was to happen to it on my step father's death. As it happens my step father did fulfil her wishes and left everything split 5 ways.

My dad also married twice, he had also died, but I have no idea what the terms of his will were except I assume that he left everything to his wife and she has possibly died and given it all to her children (they didn't have children together).

So the thing I will say is don't leave it to trust that your partner will leave the money to your children and their step children. If you want it to go to your children on your spouses death then say so in your will.

My husbands parents are also divorced and both remarried. My MIL has left her house ( hers bought and paid for before her marriage ) to her children with lifetime interest to her now husband. I can see real problems with this. If her husband lives a long time after her my Dh and his sister are going to have to maintain the house as her husband does nothing now and I think he will do even less when my MIL has gone. Worse though is my MIL hasn't told him what her will says!!! Yes I know we have said you must tell him!

Strapped

patchwork_cat wrote: »

This is a tricky one. Both my parents remarried and both are now dead and my stepfather too. My mother and stepfather had 5 kids between them and none together. My mum died a long time ago, and left all her money to her husband. What got me was though that she did not put any conditions in her will what was to happen to it on my step father's death. As it happens my step father did fulfil her wishes and left everything split 5 ways.

My dad also married twice, he had also died, but I have no idea what the terms of his will were except I assume that he left everything to his wife and she has possibly died and given it all to her children (they didn't have children together).

So the thing I will say is don't leave it to trust that your partner will leave the money to your children and their step children. If you want it to go to your children on your spouses death then say so in your will.

My husbands parents are also divorced and both remarried. My MIL has left her house ( hers bought and paid for before her marriage ) to her children with lifetime interest to her now husband. I can see real problems with this. If her husband lives a long time after her my Dh and his sister are going to have to maintain the house as her husband does nothing now and I think he will do even less when my MIL has gone. Worse though is my MIL hasn't told him what her will says!!! Yes I know we have said you must tell him!

In our Wills, it is a condition of the lifetime interest that the house is maintained, and there are things that the eventual "inheritees" can do to ensure that it is.

Katie-Kat-Kins

The thing to remember when considering your will is that you can have an infinite number of options and conditions included. You can leave life interests, you can stipulate one thing if your children are under a certain age and another if they are older, you can have trusts set up to protect assets or provide an income and all sorts. You can also revise your will at any time so if things change, update it. A good specialist solicitor (not just the one who happens to be dealing with the purchase of your house or whatever) will be able to advise you.

If your estate might be significant you should also consider inheritance tax.

For the OP the best solution might be for her husband to leave the house to the son with a life interest to her, for a small lump sum to the son immediately and the remainder to be used to provide an income for life for the wife to pass to the son in full on her death. It depends upon how much there is likely to be.

For the people who had some grown up children and some little ones I'd be inclined to put two clauses in, one for if you die before the youngest reaches 21 and one for after. If you die earlier you could perhaps have all the estate held in trust to provide an income for their care with it being shared equally amongst all the children when the youngest hits 21. If later then an equal division is made.

A good solicitor should chat through your concerns, priorities and wishes and then offer you some options. Sadly a lot of people are badly served by DIY kits of disinterested non-specialist lawyers who just want to do a one size fits all.

The most important thing though is to actually make that will!!!

maggiem

Found this interesting. DH has two children by his previous marriage, and we have two children together. We have discussed this and felt that as he had contributed to most of the value of the house his ex wife now owns (he sold his half that was to be sold when the children ended full time education for 7K for a house worth >60K at the time as he felt that was fair) that to divide the value of our assets - probably only the house I hope - was not fair.

However we have told the older two that the division is 40 to them - i.e. 1/5 each to them and 3/10 to each of the other two. Looking back not very logical but wanted to reflect all are 'our' children - so not my half to mine etc.

We also agreed to leave the total estate to each other - but I do have absolute trust that whoever goes first the other would continue to follow this agreement. Let's face it I would definitely come back to haunt him otherwise!:eek:

Really hard balancing feelings and fairness - would hate any of them to feel the others got 'more'! Helpful to read others views,

Maggie