how can we compromise? i want traditional he wants minimal.

ladypinkof66

ringo_24601 wrote: »

He wants to wear trainers as wedding shoes? Seriously? Has he been to many weddings before?

He needs to understand that a wedding is fussy. A wedding is feminie. That's because traditionally - the bride gets the final say.

I still can't get over the trainers thing. Most guys want to be smart on their wedding day

I dont agree that most guys want to dress smart on their wedding my fiance is wearing just trousers and open neck shirt he wont be wearing a tie or the shirt done up - i am happy with this and want him to feel confortable

poet123

ladypinkof66 wrote: »

I dont agree that most guys want to dress smart on their wedding my fiance is wearing just trousers and open neck shirt he wont be wearing a tie or the shirt done up - i am happy with this and want him to feel confortable

That doesnt mean most guys dont want to dress smartly though,just that yours doesn't.(I assume that you are implying that,I wouldnt want you to think I was implying that ifyswim:D )

Most wedding albums have grooms in suit and tie,so it is fair to assume most do dress formally and smartly.....whether it is always their own idea,or even choice, is another question;)

lucy1981

Is he perhaps worried about the cost of it? I'm sure the only reason my OH proposed is because he knew I wouldn't want a big expensive wedding :rotfl:

A male friend of mines still hasn't asked his girlfriend of 8 years to marry him as he thinks she wants the castle, horse & carriage expensive dress etc..

I think you really need to compromise, I know I didn't want a sit down dinner as I'm quite shy and the thought of being at a top table with everyone watching me and speeches etc was making me panic, we also have seperated parents so are having a hot and cold buffet, more relaxed, everyone sits where they want and also have the chance to mingle.

Ultimately its only one day, and IMO its all the days after this that are important, spending your life with your husband.

Popsicle

poet123 wrote: »

Is he like this day to day? does he like to have his own way in lots of areas or is it just that he has specific views on his wedding? I have to be honest and say alarm bells would be ringing for me here.

Most men(in fact all the men I have ever seen get married bar one,and he is in the closet!!) prefer to let the bride get on with it.

I am not suggesting that by the way,that particular guy chose all the outfits himself,designed the dresses,sketched the flowers out,and is regularly seen running up new curtains at weekend):D and had the wedding of his dreams,the bride barely got a look in........but that is another story;)

I would sit down and tell him how upset and disappointed you are. Try to workout what you can both compromise on,and take it from there.

Or try another tack....If you consult him on every detail,every day,ad nauseum......he may well decide to leave you to it;)

Oh dear....I hope this doesn't mean anything...my H2B has taken an active interest in the girlie wedding planning including flowers, decorations etc....and he is talking about wearing a kilt! :rotfl:

Seriously though, I agree with the others, a wedding doesn't have to conform to the any stereotypes if it is what you both want. The problem is when one side is unwilling to comprise. Me and my H2B are quite opinionated but we have listened to what each other wants and are creating our perfect day which encompasses both our visions.

roxalana

OP did you mean he wants to wear vans or that he wants tablecloths etc in that pattern?

I think comprise is the way to go!

INstead of just making a list of what you each want, make it in order of what is most important (make sure 'getting married to each other' comes high on the list!).

For example, i think what you wear should be more important to you than him so i think to some extent if you have got your dream dress and fascinator you should wear them!

I think if it will be difficult for him familywise with a traditional top-table sit down meal perhaps that might be something for you to compromise with? I agree with another poster you should look into other food options as BBQs might turn out more pricey than he expects! Also, possibly higher risk of food poisoning - and that aint what you will want your guests to remember

Please post a pic of teh fascinator - I'm dying to see it

poet123

Popsicle wrote: »

Oh dear....I hope this doesn't mean anything...my H2B has taken an active interest in the girlie wedding planning including flowers, decorations etc....and he is talking about wearing a kilt! :rotfl:

Seriously though, I agree with the others, a wedding doesn't have to conform to the any stereotypes if it is what you both want. The problem is when one side is unwilling to comprise. Me and my H2B are quite opinionated but we have listened to what each other wants and are creating our perfect day which encompasses both our visions.

Ah,but does he have a "bestest friend called D****?":eek: who is definitely gay.

Pssst

Havent read the whole thread so to the OP,,I think the day a girl gets married is special and IMHO your partner is cutting back way too much. Hope this isnt a sign of things to come?

joolesw1972

Have you considered having a hog roast? It could be a good compromise? As for the other things, maybe you both need to pick the two or three things that are most important to you & negotiate the rest. You both need to be comfortable & enjoy your day. Get lots of ideas of the internet for things like table decorations & see if there's something you could both like.

mshelsbels

Hey,

I think you need to take a deep breath and have a plan of action!!
Firstly, do loads of research - look for venues / pics/ dresses etc that might not necessarily your first choice, but something you could most definately work with. Talk to one of his mates or someone who's opinion he respects and explain the situation to them - can you get them to offer you a little support?
Talk.......!! :rolleyes:
Have a long talk with your man, and explain how you feel - show him other compromises / ideas you've come up with - (black and white certainly is 'in' at the moment, and can be very glamourous and elegant.)
You need to get the message across that this is very important to you, and you dont like him being critical of your ideas. Give examples of how you've compromised for him in the past (if you can!!)
This really is a 2 way street and you have to both give a little, otherwise one of you will end up resenting the other, and that's a rubbish start to a lifelong committment!
Hope you work this all out - its meant to be a happy time for you both x

Ianna

I totally get you on this. I've always dreamed of a huge white wedding (don't most girls?) and if my fella had said he'd be wandering up the aisle in trainers before cracking a can of carling and enjoying the barbecue I'd cry. Especially if he dissed my wedding outfit!

There's lots of ways you can compromise on this. There are lots of hotels with old features, chapels or just really individual features. A hotel wedding doesn't have to be bland. To incorporate your christian upbringing you could get a local vicar to do the ceremony or something, remember god is supposed to be everywhere and not just in the church.

How about if you had a formal lunch and then a really informal evening bbq? He could run the BBQ and choose how that was and you could have the lunch how you wanted it. With his parents, any decent parents will agree to put aside their differences for one day. If that really can't be done then mum could leave partner at home or if the worst comes to the worst one parent could not attend the lunch and one not attend the dinner.

I feel strongly that your future husband has no right to tell you what to wear ever let alone on your wedding day. A woman's wedding day is the only day she gets to wear wth she likes and get away with it so you wear that hat!! Clothes are a personal choice, especially wedding outfits so screw what everyone else thinks. It sounds like he's being horrible about your taste in wedding outfits, how very dare he! I hope you're ok xx