how can we compromise? i want traditional he wants minimal.

prettypoppyknickers

hello

i got engaged last month and was really enjoying doing lots of planning for my future wedding thinking most things would be fine until last night, i have a little list of things i want theses things are

• My hat fascinator (which is a 1950 original peice that cost the previous owner over £400 and the company is still alive today.)
• a front covered chiffon wedding dress with open back and 3/4 sleeves
• a church wedding due to being brought up as a christian
• a sit down meal
• no trainers
• a smart dress up wedding
• pretty feminine table decorations.
• and if not a church a beach house on the sea front

that is my list while my partner wants:

• me to scrap the hat
• scrap the wedding dress idea
• not get married in a church and have it as a all in one venue.
• a bbq rather than a sit down meal because his mum and dad split up due to her having a affair and is still with the bloke we get on with so he doesn't know what to do.
• he wants to wear trainers as his wedding shoe
• black and white themed wedding with black and white checks on all the table decs think van slip on/ chef checks.

how do we compromise?

i have said i will wear the hat for the wedding and a head piece for the after party but he doesn't want to know the same with the dress he hates the sound of it but i know in my head that it is stunning.
the hat is different but very basic and all my friends think i am the only one who can pull it off.

i am willing to have black and white but would like it to have pretty details rather than very masculine.

i would like to have it black and white in the style of the victorian era i am very into all the lacy tops and dresses and all things fussy while he wants very minimalistic.

help!

ailuro2

run away and get married somewhere else, then have a themed reception.:p

All good marriages start off with compromise - tell your hubby-to-be he can have it all his way...... if he agrees,then run a mile, he's not being considerate at all.

Consider what you would say if he said he'd do everything your way.

You sound like you're very enamoured by this hat/ fascinator, ok, some people like them, but tbbh I find them ridiculous...do you want ppl staring at the bride for all the wrong reasons???:eek:

Good Luck, hope you can reach an agreement. (Black trainers that are smart rather than scruffy old Vans would be a good starting place)

prettypoppyknickers

i guess i was brought up with traditional and he wasn't so i'm the hopeless romantic who as a teen had boys writing love letters with holland and swalk and silly little things like that so i love the idea of love and having two friends getting married in the same year is hard when anything she suggests they talk about nicely and he like her wants beautiful things while my partners eyes engagment parties and weddings are p*ss ups.

i felt like giving up last night and running to all my old princes i had lol i still talk to a lot of my old boyfriends theyre great guys and although we all have partners in envious of the romance and love and affection they get while i get flowers for mothers day and that is it.

i guess i'm expecting to much.

i guess i just want a fairy tale wedding that i've been planning since i was 12

i remember as a child looking at one venue and one reception and then looking at vera wang wedding dresses and jimmy choos.

i think my bubble has burst.

geri1965_2

ailuro2 wrote: »

You sound like you're very enamoured by this hat/ fascinator, ok, some people like them, but tbbh I find them ridiculous...do you want ppl staring at the bride for all the wrong reasons???:eek:

That's a bit harsh - how do you know she will not look stunning in it?

ailuro2

so you found someone to marry, but it turns out he's not Prince Charming after all?

Can you live with that, are you very happy together on a day to day basis?

SOme serious thought is required here before you go any further.

We got married in LAs Vegas, and it was very personal, very sincere and although not the fairytale we are conditioned to expect, I was marrying my dream partner so it didn't matter that 30 of my closest friends and family weren't lined up behind me.

The wedding is one day, the marriage is forever.

IF the marriage part wont be great, then think seriously about going ahead with the wedding. just my tuppenceworth.

ailuro2

geri1965 wrote: »

That's a bit harsh - how do you know she will not look stunning in it?

I'm not saying she won't look stunning, I'm saying they're a bit Marmite - you either love them or hate them, that's all....

worried_jim

Do what makes you happy, trust me the bloke doesn't really care, he's just happy to make you happy.

prettypoppyknickers

if he didn't care why would he tell me on a daily basis that the hat / dress are hidious? and that he wont marry me if i wear the hat/ dress?

he's a great guy i guess were just both stubborn.

and i now that the wedding is just a day but isn't it a meant to be a amazing happy special day to continue the rest of your lives as mr and mrs?

prettypoppyknickers

we've been together 3 years and dont intend to get married til 2011 but it seems from this board everyone is getting married then land booking their venues lol

[Deleted User]

He wants to wear trainers as wedding shoes? Seriously? Has he been to many weddings before?

He needs to understand that a wedding is fussy. A wedding is feminie. That's because traditionally - the bride gets the final say.

I still can't get over the trainers thing. Most guys want to be smart on their wedding day

ailuro2

prettypoppyknickers wrote: »

if he didn't care why would he tell me on a daily basis that the hat / dress are hideous? and that he wont marry me if i wear the hat/ dress?

he's a great guy i guess were just both stubborn.

and i now that the wedding is just a day but isn't it a meant to be a amazing happy special day to continue the rest of your lives as mr and mrs?

yes, married life should start off harmoniously! I absolutely agree with that.

I was engaged (many years ago) to a bloke who would have refused to marry me wearing something that's wasn't to his taste. Thankfully I left him behind and moved on to someone who has far more respect for my feelings and is a lot more mature!

sorry if I'm sounding so negative about this.:o