how can we compromise? i want traditional he wants minimal.

nat82

Would you consider an all-in-one venue? We are getting married in the same place as we are having our reception but we are still having a religious ceremony with a minister marrying us. Explain to him how much it all means to you and think about the things you could compromise (that goes for him as well).

As for your outfit - it's meant to be a secret from the groom!!! Just don't talk to him about it, he'll think you're gorgeous on the day even if you turn up wearing a bin bag! lol! At least that's what OH tells me but perhaps he's telling me not to spend too much on a dress!!!!

Good luck with things. I think the key here is communication between the 2 of you. Your whole marriage should be based on compromise.

Let us know how you get on.

Nat x x x

mdhughes03

Erm,he says he won't marry you if you wear the dress you want???? Is he serious? So basically he wants to have a P*ss-up in his trainers eating spare ribs..is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with??

Srry if that sounded harsh, feel free to ignore me...:o

Buddingblonde

The important things in a wedding are not what you wear, or what you do but who you do it with.
As someone else said here, a wedding is 1 day the marriage is forever.
You are not the only one getting married - why should he have to fit in to your ideas of YOUR perfect day? Why cant you talk together and plan a perfect day for BOTH of you. If you cannot come to a compromise over the wedding then you have no chance of a marriage!

Sammy_Girl

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I still can't get over the trainers thing. Most guys want to be smart on their wedding day

I have to agree with this. My H2B & his friends live in their combats and trainers. But they're all looking forward to getting dressed up to the nines including their black patent shoes lol

Tbh, most men don't put as much thought into the wedding as us girls. H2B talks more about his stag do and views the reception part as a p**s up!! But he's happy to do all of the traditional part and behave himself!!

What I'm trying to say OP, is that there is always going to be differences - he will always be more laid back. Don't talk to him about your outfit - it's never going to sound as good as what it looks like - so let it be a surprise. You will blow him away! Why don't you have a church wedding and a sit down, and then have a BBQ in the evening. You can have a classy black and white theme. And maybe tell him that he can wear his trainers in the evening lol. You might find that when he tries on a wedding suit he'll love it!

Good luck

siren13577

What about bringing in the black and white theme somewhere? I have a black and ivory dress so I'm bringing in the theme with invitations and table decorations, like black petals on the table but I've also incorporated pink too, to be honest I'd be mad if my dh to be said trainers so I'm with you on that one!! But it is do-able, ignore about the dress and fascinators, these are none of the groom's business, sorry to sound harsh but it is about compromise and it is your day too, what about a church do (which is cheaper) and then a humanist or none religious blessing after the church wedding?
When are you getting married? If it's not the summer then there's a good chance the weather will interfere with a barbecue, if it is, it still probably would interfere, this is Britain!!! Lol. :j

Seriously though, just go with your gut instinct, most of the grooms don't care and are happy to turn up on the day, sort out a mock up of how you envisage the day, like a table or mood board and get creative with him, the trainer idea is mad, but you can have pretty feminine touches interspersed with black, like my bouquet is pink and white silk roses with black feathers tucked in, and it looks fab!! Wedding ideas also have a habit of evolving as time goes by, set out a table like you would like it, table cloth, centre piece, favours and place names etc and ask him to think about it. Don't be dictated to though,this is a day about both of you and it is quite nice that he wants to be involved but he also needs to realise that it's not all about him.

Get costings first, unless he's Rockefeller then cash will be king and his/your wallet will do the talking, you might find that a barbecue will be more expensive than a sit down dinner, you might find a venue doing a special offer due to the current financial climate, shop around and keep your options open and you might be pleasantly surprised. I think flexibility is the key but also be prepared to make some decisions alone, if he's anything like my oh, he's full of ideas but when it comes to the execution he strangely lacks the get up and go so invaribly I get my own way anyway.
ps Can we see your fascinator? It sounds gorgeous and vintage is all the rage.

SugarSpun

Why not work on a compromise so each of you get some of the things you want?

From your list, it seems like you could easily manage a black and white 1950s themed summer wedding in a beachfront house, complete with BBQ on the beach and all sitting at picnic tables in the garden. That way you get the pretty dress and the (contemporary) fascinator and he gets his trainers, but both fit inside a common theme. You could add all the feminine touches to the ceremony part and then have the reception bit much simpler and to his tastes.

Try to compromise so each of you get what you want. Talking things out with my now new husband (I wanted a beautiful venue, his concern was great wine and food and an intimate family and friends dinner for the evening, we got both but our lunch reception for everyone was a nightmare because the venue didn't care about us) was good practice for what comes next.

Horace

Vintage is the in-trend at the moment. Why not have a 1950's themed wedding and then instead of trainers he can wear brothel creepers:eek: Don't discuss your dress with him, don't even let him see it - its none of his business anyway until he sees you in it on the day. If he is already dictating on what you can and cannot wear then maybe he isnt the chap for you?

I think you both need to sit down and talk about what you both want and how you can compromise - (a marriage is all about compromise because there are going to be things that you can't agree on throughout your married life and so you both have to compromise).

Why not try and find a venue that as a church or chapel onsite? If you lived in Gloucestershire you could marry at the Royal Agricultural College where they have beautiful grounds, some lovely rooms for the wedding breakfast plus a beautiful little chapel to be married in. Or you could compromise another way by having a civil wedding followed by a church blessing that way it fulfills his wishes as well as your own?

*Louise*

prettypoppyknickers wrote: »

if he didn't care why would he tell me on a daily basis that the hat / dress are hidious? and that he wont marry me if i wear the hat/ dress?

he's a great guy i guess were just both stubborn.

Sorry - but he doesn't sound like a great guy to me if he insults you like that

gibboelli

I dont know about compromise, I havent had to compromise on anything as my fiancee had all the same ideas floating about in his head and I've just given the end result. We've agreed on everything!
Saying that though, my fiancee was convinced if he ever did find a woman who would marry him he'd have to have an awful (to him!) traditional wedding, pink everywhere and wearing something he felt awful in just to please his wife to be. Never did he think his fiancee would share his idea of a dream wedding!
haha, the trainers thing made me laugh. Cant you incorporate that somehow? I mean me and my fiancee will be wearing our New Rock boots as well live in them, they special to us, a part of our style really. But then we're having a goth wedding so it totally fits in.
Wear whatever you want, it's your outfit! I agree, lets see this hat thing, I love photos of other people ideas
And why does it matter about his parents for a sit down meal? Have a sweetheart table for just the two of you then no one can complain about not being sat with you and seat his parents on opposite sides of the room!

poet123

Is he like this day to day? does he like to have his own way in lots of areas or is it just that he has specific views on his wedding? I have to be honest and say alarm bells would be ringing for me here.

Most men(in fact all the men I have ever seen get married bar one,and he is in the closet!!) prefer to let the bride get on with it.

I am not suggesting that by the way,that particular guy chose all the outfits himself,designed the dresses,sketched the flowers out,and is regularly seen running up new curtains at weekend):D and had the wedding of his dreams,the bride barely got a look in........but that is another story;)

I would sit down and tell him how upset and disappointed you are. Try to workout what you can both compromise on,and take it from there.

Or try another tack....If you consult him on every detail,every day,ad nauseum......he may well decide to leave you to it;)