Another OH with debts

tallyhoh

I feel for you, got OH just the same. I first found out in 1986 & thought he had just got himeslf into a bit of a hole & I tried to help him out, BIG MISTAKE, he has just never changed & I found out he was always the same & his parents bailed him out, I just took over where his parents left off.

Please, please look out for yourself & the kids first. Please dont re-mortgage the kids home, if your OH spent 70k on "things" & you re-motgage your home & clear his CC's & stuff, your OH then has a load of nice clear CC's to use on having "things" again.

Please tell him you are NOT prepared to make things nice & easy for him by re-mortgaging your home & risking your kids security & well being, your OH wants you to do that but he can't even be bothered to discuss it or tell you what he spent it on?????

Tell him its his problem & he needs to sort it out himself without any help from you & the kids. Maybe that will make him wake up!

Kirri

If this was me I would be getting out of there - I would tell him in no uncertain terms the debt would not be sorted by remortgaging as it is HIS debt. Maybe drastic action is needed to make him face up to his problems because at the moment he is being selfish and unfair. I wouldn't trust a partner who has kept all that hidden and also now you know, still won't even be honest about things.

I know I have a harsh view on things!

Fire_Fox

ladybez wrote: »

OH decided to have an early night!! From the statements etc I've been able to find, it looks like his debts are closer to 70k, which is making me panic even more. More than ever it this was secured and he upped and left, there is no way I could afford to pay this on my own, as I already work full time (and shifts) and we are discouraged from taking second jobs.:mad. Sometimes I wish I swore, will have to make do with another glass of wine!!

:eek: :eek: :eek: If we say £10k is interest and charges, that leaves £60k which is the same as overspending by £500 a month every month for ten years. It simply is not possible to have that kind of debt without something to show for it or an addiction/ habit of some sort.

Unless your OH has his own independent Light Bulb Moment, I am not sure there is anything you can do except take steps to protect yourself and your little ones financially. It isn't fair of him to lay this on you when you have not been well yourself. :mad: By buying everything for the house and paying for holidays you are doing more than enough to support him through this, if he wanted help. But I don't see that he does, he wants to shirk yet more responsibility.

chevalier

So he wants you to sort it.ok then this is what he has to allow you to do
1) He gets a form from work to put all of his wages into your account. He then gets weekly pocket money when it is gone it is gone.
2) he gives you all the cards he has etc etc and they are cut up so he can't use them
3) He is to show you all of his statements so you know where the money has gone. OR he tells you himself. My personal opinion is that it is either drugs or gambling....Sorry but the secrecy and manipulation are classic signs. As is fronting up to money problems, but carrying on oblivious and being resistent to making cut backs.

If he refuses to do this, then sorry but don't help him. And even sorrier but I think you should show him the door until he will come clean to you. It maybe you telling him to leave cos you can't cope with the secrecy any more is what shocks him into opening up. But don't count on it....
chev

thevinternet

ladybez wrote: »

OH decided to have an early night!! From the statements etc I've been able to find, it looks like his debts are closer to 70k, which is making me panic even more. More than ever it this was secured and he upped and left, there is no way I could afford to pay this on my own, as I already work full time (and shifts) and we are discouraged from taking second jobs.:mad. Sometimes I wish I swore, will have to make do with another glass of wine!!

Ok. Just a couple of points I'd like to make.

Other than your other half, who is the person you love most in this world? A best friend? A sister or brother?

If they told you this story, i.e. that they were in your situation, what advice would you give them?

Sometimes we are too close to the situation to see what the best course of action is. IMHO, you have to get tough. Why should you sort this mess out unless your OH is prepared to tell you how he got into it?

Whilst I don't wish to make light of the situation, your OH's veiled threats of suicide are frankly nothing short of emotional blackmail.

He won't be fully onboard unless he comes completely clean about how he got into the debt, and is prepared to face up to how much he owes. He thinks it's 50 grand, and it's really more like 70? That's a big warning sign - either he has lost touch altogether with how much he owes, or he is lying to you about the amounts. You need his help, otherwise it's going to be impossible to sort out. You need details such as APRs, repayment dates etc - does he expect you to do this all yourself? It sounds to me like he's being very childish about it all, and he should take responsibility for the situation!

Also - please don't be embarrassed about posting an SOA - there are people on this board with debts in excess of 100k, so however bad you think it is, we've seen worse. xx

thevinternet

ladybez wrote: »

Sometimes I wish I swore, will have to make do with another glass of wine!!

Oh, go on - have a good old swear to yourself!! It really helps me get the frustration out sometimes and it's better for you than the wine!! xx

thevinternet

Also, you may find this thread useful, from a lady in a very similar situation to yourself:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1495637

ladybez

Having skimmed trhough the last 7 or 8 years worth of statements, he has basically been living beyond his means. It looks like when he was up to the limit on one cc he has simply taken out another one. His bank statements don't reveal anything I wouldn't expect to find, ie. insurance payts, mobile phone payts and the like. Older credit card bills show payts for things I knew about such as birthday and Xmas presents, latterly though he seems to be withdrawing between £50 and £100 per week cash from one or another of them and also larger amounts which them seem to go towards paying towards another bill (ie borrowing from Peter to pay Paul). I have been thru' the computers history and cannot find any gambling sites listed, will carry on plodding through to see what else I can find.

ladybez

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 3
Number of children in household......... 3
Number of cars owned.................... 2
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 2050
Partners monthly income after tax....... 2200
Benefits................................ 189
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 4439
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 300
Secured loan repayments................. 0
Hire Purchase (HP) repayments........... 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 110
Electricity............................. 45
Gas..................................... 32
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 78
Telephone (land line)................... 11.5
Mobile phone............................ 75
TV Licence.............................. 11.5
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 21
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 480
Clothing................................ 20
Petrol/diesel........................... 360
Road tax................................ 10
Car Insurance........................... 45
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 10
Car parking............................. 27
Other travel............................ 28
Childcare/nursery....................... 240
Other child related expenses............ 100
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 21
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 18.72
Contents insurance...................... 24.48
Life assurance ......................... 54
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 10
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
professional subs....................... 12
Total monthly expenses.................. 2154.2

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 178000
Shares and bonds........................ 1000
Car(s).................................. 8000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 187000

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 66000....(300)......4.24
Total secured & HP debts...... 66000.....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
tsb............................14877.....289.......19.2
rbs............................10327.....232.......22.4
amex...........................8622......307.......25.6
egg............................8000......240.......0
rbs............................632.......25.4......0
barclaycard....................24.08.....5.........0
capital 1......................14300.....420.......14.88
loans direct...................12000.....356.1.....0
direct loans...................4000......151.......0
burtons........................1359.1....54.36.....29.9
creation fin...................3001.2....111.8.....28.2
citibank.......................9314.59...453.......24.9

RAS

Hi

Will post more later but immediately.

Find the APrs for all those debts. Then go to www.whatsthecost.com and work out long loang and at what cost the debt can be paid off.

See if you can clear the barclaycard, ring to cancel and then get a balance transfer. Then use that to pay some or all of a debt in the upper twenties.

Note that based on your budget, if you rreduced this, you CAN AFFORD to live on your salary alone.

Please seek legal advice from a solicitor, so you know the full situation. I suspect the answer would be that the house would be secured for you and the kids untl the youngest is either 18 or 21 yers old and then you would have to release capital.