Negative Paternity Test

monicaj

Just to let you all know that things have taken the path we most dreaded.....

Despite the BM being adamant that my hubby is the father, she has taken it on herself to tell the poor child, she did not have the courtesy to let my OH know what she had done until Friday when he called to confirm pick up time - he allegedly has decided that he no longer wants to see my OH and does not wish to speak with him. He has aso allegedly taken the news really well ??????????? We knew the risks but NEVER imagined she would stoop this low. We have NO idea what he has been told and decided (with advice from our solicitor) that it would not be advisable to try and get direct access to the child to find out what he has been told and try to reassure him. My OH is breaking his heart - he has no way of reassuring his son that he wants to keep seeing him............ We have been tying ourselves in knots, wondering how the hell do you explain this to a child............... even the child physcology "experts" we have taken advice from don't have all the answers !!

Having approached this the "nice" way, we have today taken further legal advice and she will have the opportunity to discuss with my OH the way forward to resume contact AND undergo a DNA test, otherwise this will go to court - but means that my husband will have little chance of seeing his "son" for at least 4 months

It's going to cost us ,000's but we will do everything in our power to protect our relationship with my OH's "son"

BTW - I wonder if she will send my OH the last couple of month's CM payments .......................

We would be interested in your views on whether he should continue making the CSA payments in the short term - we decided a few weeks ago that he would do this until such time they came to an agreement but we are almost at a point of cancelling the SO payments - thoughts???

LizzieS_2

Tricky one, I can see 2 sides to this.

Your OH has had a non-court recognised DNA test (to be done again) which shows him as not being the father. He is using this (not blaming him here) to say he is not liable for financially supporting the child. At the same time he is saying he has parental responsibility and wants contact with the child.

Assuming the court recognised DNA test is also negative - these are the implications:
1) Only the mother and father of a marriage have PR, ie if he's not the father he doesn't have automatic PR
2) PR applies to a father named on a birth certificate - this would be 'lost' when the birth certificate is effectively corrected by the court.

In different circumstances (ie an actual step-child) a solicitor did say there is no contact rights whatsoever from a legal stance, and it comes down purely down to the mother to decide.

Maybe she genuinely thought he was the father (or hoped) - will probably use that to say the child now needs to catch up with his real dad.

monicaj

LizzieS wrote: »

Tricky one, I can see 2 sides to this.

Your OH has had a non-court recognised DNA test (to be done again) which shows him as not being the father. He is using this (not blaming him here) to say he is not liable for financially supporting the child. At the same time he is saying he has parental responsibility and wants contact with the child.

Assuming the court recognised DNA test is also negative - these are the implications:
1) Only the mother and father of a marriage have PR, ie if he's not the father he doesn't have automatic PR
2) PR applies to a father named on a birth certificate - this would be 'lost' when the birth certificate is effectively corrected by the court.

In different circumstances (ie an actual step-child) a solicitor did say there is no contact rights whatsoever from a legal stance, and it comes down purely down to the mother to decide.

Maybe she genuinely thought he was the father (or hoped) - will probably use that to say the child now needs to catch up with his real dad.

Thanks for the reply Lizzie S it's good for someone to look at it from 2 sides.

We have known all along that he will not be financially liable, however he has always felt that he would want to contribute, whether that be into a trust fund, or directly to the mother, this was something that needed to be dicussed and agreed OUTSIDE the CSA, unfortunately he hasn't had the chance to do this.

We understand also that once proven, he will lose PR, however let's not forget that my husband has brought up this child as his own for 10 years and they have an emotional attachment, that's what makes this so very difficult and we are hoping this will work in his favour. Of course it does very much depend on the child and what he has been told. Our solicitor has advised that both the Paternity and Contact issues would be dealt with together. Under the circumstances we would have an additional ‘hurdle’ to get over first (similar to grandparents) in that we would need apply for leave to apply for a contact order - If this permission is granted then we need to complete an application. Of course the mother may object which would result in a full court hearing and hubby must prove he had a meaningful and ongoing relationship with the child and it is in the child’s best interests for the relationship to be maintained - we can only try our best and hope that contact can be maintained.

monicaj

I plan to keep this thread updated so that anyone who finds themselves in our situation may find this useful in the future as the advice and support we've had here has been invaluable - hope no one minds............. We are also keeping a journal so if things go belly up in terms of contact we have a record for SS in the future.

BM contacted hubby on Friday of last week claiming that the child has asked for a legally recognised DNA test :eek:. Hubby did get to ask a few questions about the circumstances of when/how he was told and it wasn't good. She still claims that he doesn't want anything to do with hubby (she claims that he has his own mind and she can't force him).

In the meantime Solicitor has sent a letter asking for her co-operation in resuming immediate contact and she has 7 days to respond.

Hubby has sent off all details to the testing company and paid £458.00. They now require appointment dates from all parties, and at the moment she is not responding to the request from hubby to pass on to them (it's the usual pattern in that she always get's awkward when she gets an official letter).

Hubby is continuing to make CSA payments until the paternity issue is legally resolved, thereafter we are planning to pay monies into a Trust Fund for SS's future regardless of whether contact is resumed.

We are in a bit of a predicament at the moment though as SS's birthday is approaching and I have posted the following for any advice http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1613191


Monica

Loopy_Girl

Thanks for the update monicaj. When I say I am interested in your case I don't want you to think I am some kind of ghoul feeding off other people's troubles but your case is so remarkable it will be interesting to see how this works out.

You and your hubby are doing a sterling job in what must be incredibly difficult times.

As well as a journal I hope you print off all the threads you have started so you can show your stepson what a fantastic Dad and StepMum he has.

Btw....any muppet can father a child - it's takes a special man to be a Daddy and that is what your husband is irrespective of biology.

Keep strong xx

monicaj

LoopyGirl - many thanks for your kind words of support, it really does mean a lot to us at the moment.

blue_monkey_2

I monica, I did not have time to post yesterday so I thanked instead. I really feel for you as a family and what this dreadful woman has done. I will be coming back when you have posted to see what is happening but I don's always get a chance to answer - just read over dinner (you know how it is!!) - so please do not think no-one is listening if no-one posts, that is why they hit the thanks button.

I hope you all have a lovely Easter in spite of everything. BTW, I do think you are doing exactly the right thing by putting the money into trust rather than giving it to the BM. Please do be sure though that she does not 'allow' you to see the little boy or let him manipulate you to come back, take the money, never to be seen again causing you more heartache. Good luck.

monicaj

blue_monkey wrote: »

I monica, I did not have time to post yesterday so I thanked instead. I really feel for you as a family and what this dreadful woman has done. I will be coming back when you have posted to see what is happening but I don's always get a chance to answer - just read over dinner (you know how it is!!) - so please do not think no-one is listening if no-one posts, that is why they hit the thanks button.

I hope you all have a lovely Easter in spite of everything. BTW, I do think you are doing exactly the right thing by putting the money into trust rather than giving it to the BM. Please do be sure though that she does not 'allow' you to see the little boy or let him manipulate you to come back, take the money, never to be seen again causing you more heartache. Good luck.

Hi bluemonkey

Thanks for your post and mentioning this. I thought I was having really evil thoughts thinking that someone would do this but we have decided that whatever is in his savings account currently - a very nice amount (which has been given over the years by friends and family) will be his regardless. SS and BM will not be made aware of the trust fund for the exact reason you have mentioned above - a horrid thought but unfortunately could become a reality.

BARGAINHUNTER!

What an awful situation for the poor boy and your husband. I suspect that there are others unwittingly paying out for children that they believe to be theirs when in fact they are not.

monicaj

No response to Solicitor's request for contact to resume, therefore we have instructed him to commence proceedings.

Hubby's had his samples taken for the DNA test - cost £60.00. The mother has eventually given details of the sample dates for herself and SS (in 2 weeks time).

Hubby is feeling really angry and bitter right now and is saying that he will be looking for a refund for all monies and will persue her personally via the courts for the £6k paid directly to her (which she failed to declare) before she involved the CSA. This doesn't sit well with me at all at the moment as I'm not sure how SS would be affected, and I'm sure it's him diverting his anger and frustration because she is making things so difficult in terms of contact. I don't really feel I can advise him either way as I'm also feeling very angry that she has deceived him financially and I do think she should be held accountable, but at the moment I feel more angry that she has caused so much emotional damage to her son and my husband through her deceit and lies and that it's going to cost us so much to try and repair the damage (I'm all for her having to foot the bill for this).

We've now also spoken with family and friends about the situation and they are naturally very upset. It's affecting my older children quite badly and our LO keeps hugging his photo and asking where he is. Grandparents are devasted but are with us and our children in feeling that regardless, he is still a part of our family.