Negative Paternity Test

Strapped

It is true that all parties with parental rights have to agree to a name change, but unfortunately you will find that the mother can simply have the child "known as" whatever she likes (and can get any official records such as passports, school records, etc in this name) so don't bother to waste your time, effort and money finding this out! (BTDT unfortunately - the fact that dad wanted his child known by her LEGAL name at school didn't matter a jot to the education authorities :mad:)

lyndac40

Hi Monica my heart goes out to you, your hubby and your SS. The only thing i can add is. When i got divorce I could not change my son's name on his BC because he was born in England although he has been known by my maiden name for 20 years if he applies for a passport it would have to go in the name on his BC. If he had been born in Scotland his name could be changed no problem. Unless the laws in England since i last made an enquiry. x

Strapped

lyndac40 wrote: »

Hi Monica my heart goes out to you, your hubby and your SS. The only thing i can add is. When i got divorce I could not change my son's name on his BC because he was born in England although he has been known by my maiden name for 20 years if he applies for a passport it would have to go in the name on his BC. If he had been born in Scotland his name could be changed no problem. Unless the laws in England since i last made an enquiry. x

lyndac40 - you can get a passport for your son in whatever name he is known by.

I don't know the circumstances of your divorce so I'm resisting adding "pretty crummy thing to do though".

Mojisola

lyndac40 wrote: »

When i got divorce I could not change my son's name on his BC because he was born in England although he has been known by my maiden name for 20 years if he applies for a passport it would have to go in the name on his BC. If he had been born in Scotland his name could be changed no problem. Unless the laws in England since i last made an enquiry. x

If your son is now an adult he can officially change his name to anything he wants through a deed poll.

Strapped

Mojisola wrote: »

If your son is now an adult he can officially change his name to anything he wants through a deed poll.

Yes - I missed the fact that her son was so old!

lyndac40

Stapped my ex was a wife beater he has not cared a swat about me or our son. My son is 22 year old and his dad has not bothered 2 hoots about him since the day we walked out on him. The best day of our lives. I wish my ex had been a part of my son's life but that is his loss.

I understand there are men out there who do care about their kids and I have great admiration for those who do but this was not the case with my ex. My OH has always had access to his own 2 daughters and when his ex stopped getting benefits for the 2 of them because of their age they were packed up and sent to stay with us.

I will look into him changing his name by deed poll thankyou mojisola. x

monicaj

Well we have now received a "full" refund for monies paid to the PWC via the CSA. We think they have miscalcultated by around -£2k, and are waiting for a statement. So from sending the negative DNA test to the CSA it has taken approximately 4 months, though I have to say we have not actively chased them. Funds will be "securely deposited for SS" and DD's future.

Well what more can I say? there are no celebrations, there is no sense of "winning" just a horrid numbness and sadness that it has come to this. The "fight" for contact continues, but we fear we are on a losing battle, but will never give up hope that one day we will be reunited with SS.



As this is the CSA forum, I feel I have to comment on their dealings with our case:

• Hubby always paid the correct amount for his "son" - regularly
• They were completely fair and assessed my husband correctly for CM payments.
• They were chasing him for £6k arrears which was down to the PWC's dishonesty - claiming benefits and not declaring hubby's contribution.
• Our caseworker has been an absolute "gem" - I really wish I could name him here. He has always been understanding, sensitive to the situation we were in and ALWAYS returned calls - if it were out of his remit, his colleagues would always return calls. Maybe we were lucky ??
• We do not blame the CSA in any way for the situation we found ourselves in - we only blame the BM.

I have said it before and I will say it again - thank you MSE and all the posters who have helped us and our family through this devastating experience.

I don't think there is much more I can contribute to this thread but kind of feel that I would like to summarise our experience. Not sure how to go about this, so any advice would be appreciated.

Monica

PS - Geez - just noticed this thread has been viewed 18,006 times!! - so must be worth summarising

Kimitatsu

Monicaj

Thanks for the update - its always good to know that as a forum we have helped and getting the end of the story doesnt leave us with that sense of "what happened?". Its also really nice to see someone who has positive things to say about the CSA and the staff that work there, I have always found them to be great and as frustrated at the system and its red tape as I am,but I seem to be in a minority.

The boards are now getting so big that we almost need to have an archive of threads that are pertinent and searchable so that people do not have to ask the same questions over again - I will put it through as a suggestion to the team and see what we can come up with (thanks for the idea )

As for SS, it was said at the beginning of this thread, your OH may not be his father but he is his Dad (remember anyone can be a father it takes someone special to be a Dad) and I cant imagine the hurt that you must both be feeling now. In my experience though, kids are far more worldly wise today than we ever were at that age, so dont give up, and keep all of the documentation to show him when he is a bit bigger. It takes time to battle through the courts but contact orders are made for the benefit of the children not the adults, and the children soon work out who is batting on their side (I have two children one of 10 and one of 12).

Take care of yourselves and please let us know how you get on.

HellsGranny

All I can do is sympathise, I had a similar thing, although not the same. My husband committed suicide and beforehand he wrote to his parents saying he was not the father of my son, (he was).

The upshot was, the parents in law disowned our son, daughter and myself, with no discussion or appeal. His revenge was total, it was the final insult after years of physical and emotional abuse, for my children to lose half their family in one hit, was a numbing and sickening experience.

I hope you can weather this storm, and restore your emotional equilibrium.

Cheers, HG

Loopy_Girl

HellsGranny wrote: »

All I can do is sympathise, I had a similar thing, although not the same. My husband committed suicide and beforehand he wrote to his parents saying he was not the father of my son, (he was).

The upshot was, the parents in law disowned our son, daughter and myself, with no discussion or appeal. His revenge was total, it was the final insult after years of physical and emotional abuse, for my children to lose half their family in one hit, was a numbing and sickening experience.

I hope you can weather this storm, and restore your emotional equilibrium.

Cheers, HG

What a sad sad story..I actually have tears in my eyes. I'm so sorry for you and your family x

monica - thanks for the update. I'm sure this thread has been extremely useful and probably to people that don't even post and you have been very brave in sharing a difficult story with us.
May I wish you and your family a Happy Christmas as you can have - I realise this may be a difficult time for you all. x