Negative Paternity Test

TotallyBroke

monicaj wrote: »

Sadly, right now I don't think this nightmare will ever end. I met with a friend today who told me that she had seen SS at the weekend. We are still finding it very difficult to handle that we have not seen him for over 5 months and he was not with us on holiday. I am embarrased to admit this, but whenever we go into our local town or any of the local supermarkets we now drive around the car park to see if "her" car is there - if it is, we promptly leave as we don't feel ready for a cold face to face encounter - both for ourselves and SS. I understand that one day we will no doubt unexpectedly meet and I guess we will just have to deal with it .................. horrid for my husband, his "son" ,DD and all his "family".

Apologies again, this post is not directly relating to Child Support, but more on the emotional side of our journey - sometimes we think everything will be ok, other days it completely overtakes us.

The longer you leave it the harder it will get. Don't look for the car just get on with your lives. It's a confusing message to your DD and what if the EX and SS had seen you driving past her car and then driving away. What would he be thinking? He maybe hoping that he bumps into atleast 1 of you anywhere.
I really do feel for you, my ExOH and I regulary sent money to his son's mother although not through CSA. They live at the opposite end of the country and everytime access was arranged for us to travel she cancelled. We have never had her address as she appears to move all the time and addresses for cards etc were different all the time. Ex has now found out that the child in question has not been living with her for the whole time. There is a court order in place giving another family member parental responsibility. Son and guardian have not seen a penny of the money we have sent and son does not see his mother very often, maybe once a month.

monicaj

We have received 15% so far - something to do with old rules/new system. Received a further call from CSA this evening to say that the balance will be paid (in a further 2 payments) within the next 14 days. I will be completely honest here and say that the CSA have kept us updated frequently and have "verbally" told us on a number of occasions that they will be persuing the "mother" (fraudster) for in excess of £20k - very very sad for stepson BUT from reading other posts on this forum, if my husband had been non-compliant we could have potentially lost our home ................................

jillie1974

just come across your thread monica and i dont know what to say.

((((hugs))))

sp1987

monicaj wrote: »

We have received 15% so far - something to do with old rules/new system. Received a further call from CSA this evening to say that the balance will be paid (in a further 2 payments) within the next 14 days. I will be completely honest here and say that the CSA have kept us updated frequently and have "verbally" told us on a number of occasions that they will be persuing the "mother" (fraudster) for in excess of £20k - very very sad for stepson BUT from reading other posts on this forum, if my husband had been non-compliant we could have potentially lost our home ................................

When the son is older he will realise that he was/is obviously well cared about by you both, that is something that she cannot take away from you and who knows what the future will bring as a result

This is such a sad story for all the innocent parties as everyone lost out bar her. It is such a shame she would not want her son to spend time with people that obviously love him, 'biological' parents or not. I would love my (future) child to have as many people around him as possible.

icarus_2

I have thought long and hard about whether to post on this thread. After having read all the replies with a mixture of anger, sorrow and anxiety I have decided to. So please bare with me, this could be a long post, and my apologies as I dont know all the forum abbreviations.

My son is now an adult, however I have been paying initially voluntary through the courts and when the CSA was initally formed (early 90s), through them, the court forced this. My sons mother is on benefits and always has been, infact, still is as far as I know, never done a days work in her life. Payments stopped automatically through the CSA, he was well over 18 when this happened and I had no forewarning or indeed official notification from the CSA to let me know this was going to happen.

I have since married and also have an 8yr old in my current relationship. Before he was born, my wife and I had my eldest son every weekend, she always encouraged me to see him and played an active role herself in his upbringing long before our son was born. She has always been very supportive to us both, much like monicaj in this thread.

Now heres the twist to the tale, a real question of scruples. I have been harbouring a dark secret for many years (suffice is to say it is from a good source). That I may not be the bioligical father of my eldest son, whos now over 20. When he was growing up I decided it was best to continue being his dad and therefore continue payments through the CSA. My feelings where I really wasnt interested in finding out the truth, as far as I was concerned I was his father, what good would it do anybody? The only difference from my situation than the plight of monicaj and her husband, is that my son is now an adult and can make up his own mind.

Now my head is in pieces, especially after reading this thread. My youngest son adores him as his brother, as do his grandparents. My wifes family have also taken him in over the years and treated him as their own. Do I want to know the truth, will it really help anybody? Its one of them questions that eats away at you and you really have no idea what to do for the best. My financial obligations are long finished as far as my involvement with the CSA is concerned.

Do I really want to stir up the hornets nest or is it better to let sleeping dogs lie?

Blonde_Bint

let sleeping dogs lie, you have nothing to gain and everything to lose. Your his father, was there all through his life, for me now he's an adult leave it. He's your son and thats all you need to know.

Like you say your financial obligations re csa are long finished, if you persue this you could lose a son. unless your thinking you can get the money back (for clarification this is not a go just a line of thought) you have paid if the child isnt yours but as he's an adult now thats probably out of the question. I dont know, Kelloggs, help:o would that be the case?

BB leave it be and enjoy YOUR son.

Zara33

icarus wrote: »

Do I really want to stir up the hornets nest or is it better to let sleeping dogs lie?

Hard question!

On one hand I would want to know just for peace of mind, however that may well cause a lot of heartache. Then again you might have nothing to worry about he could well be "your" biological son. Hearsay is a dangerous thing.

Blonde_Bint

A hard one all right. I'm a head in sand kinda girl hope it goes away because I dont want to know.

no action not pro action:rotfl:

pd001

monicaj wrote: »

BUT from reading other posts on this forum, if my husband had been non-compliant we could have potentially lost our home ................................

That is very true...although it would have taken some considerable time.
Lets hope they do pursue the mother 'fraudster' who defrauded you and your husband out of YOUR money

sp1987

icarus wrote: »

Do I really want to stir up the hornets nest or is it better to let sleeping dogs lie?

Part of me thinks he deserves to know the truth, but part of me feels the pain caused by hearing the wrong answer is horrible. The damage that could be done by a DNA test that proves you are his son is bad too. He may get feelings of rejection etc whatever the result.

You need to decide which path you want to follow and talk to your partner about it if you can. You need to either do something about it or take the decision to put it out of your mind and let your son be your son, without any worries behind the scenes in your mind.

I wish you the best of luck. Rumours can be just that though, so do not risk things on heresay alone.