Depression Support Thread

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Greetings from Shanghai!

Hello everyone - its about 2pm here + 8 hours from UK. How to describe the culture shock that is China?

I feel a different person here. Change of latitude - change of attitude; where you are is who you are. How important it is to be in a place that is right for you!

The Chinese are the biggest ethnic group on the planet, yet they don't report suffering from depression; no market for AD's here. Nevertheless, their suicide rate is almost the highest in the world. What do you make of this?

Hope the following snippets of life here will help bring a smile to you:

1. Beds. Beds here are hard. Rock hard. How couples here have sex on them without pain or injury I cannot imagine. Guess 21 million people (Shanghai pop.) have found a way! Might explain the popularity of massage bars here!

2. No nappies. As soon as a baby can walk, they are clad in trousers with split bottom seams and are trained to water the nearest bush. Bit chilly in winter!

3. Food. Pounds melt away on the Chinese diet of fresh produce noodles rice and plenty spice. Every body part of an animal is eaten in some concotion. So many fruit and veg here not stocked by Tesco.

4. Tipping. If you leave a tip in a restaurant, they will run after you to return it!

5. Loos. Yep, only a few hotels/eateries have the Western style. Get practising yoga squats - think how fit you are becoming.

6. Fireworks. Nowhere does bangs like the Chinese. In Sanya every day was bonfire night. Chinese firecrackers are awesome - flames shoot out and the explosions rock buildings and set off car alarms. Imagine if these were on sale in Britain!

7. Chinese translation howlers are the best. Even businesses have them in foot high neon letters. Spotted a ladies pullover shop: "England amorous feelings"; and a hosiery shop: " Yin Yang sock tasty"
But my favorite is "Quiet tiny grass is dreaming" (Keep off the grass)

8. Cigarettes. A pack of 20 tipped can be had for 20 RMB (20 pence). No chance of DH giving up then.

9. Trains. The Shanghai Maglev is the fastest commercial train in the world, does 0 to 220 mph in 2 minutes, cruises at 268mph but can do 311mph. Oh well back to British Rail soon...

10. Fish therapy. No need for body scrubs. Let human skin eating fish do the work for you. This was the weirdest experience....just imagine lying in a warm pool full of fish....the fish notice 'dinner has arrived' and swarm over and start nibbling away at your skin.....or the bits of it you dared to submerge! How crazy is that? I know have lovely smooth feet!!

Take care everyone. You are not forgotten!

Friendly happiness forever CB2X

shazrobo

feel awful and its still early, cant stop crying, kids doing my head in, the noise in the house is making my head want to explode, i need a break, before i do somet i might later regret, had enough, why cant i ever be rid of these feelings forever?

shaz x

Jo_R_2

<<<<Hugs >>>> Shaz, I must say that today and tomorrow are the days I have been dreading too in half-term. For me it's because I actually had a good stretch of sleep for the first night in weeks, and felt sooooo rough when I woke up

I knew how tired I'd be today and tomorrow. It helps with having things planned to do, even if it's just a walk down to the shops, but when you feel so tired it's hard to get anything accomplished. DD1 is already pushing me to go and play outside and I'm still in my dressing gown and I can feel tempers fraying already.

Is there anything you can have the boys occupied with Shaz for half an hour whilst you have a cuppa and take some time to try and 'regroup'?

FiftyPents

Im on my penultimate anti depressant tablet today, ive been on them for 4 years, and Saturday will be my final tablet :j

shazrobo

Jo_R wrote: »

<<<<Hugs >>>> Shaz, I must say that today and tomorrow are the days I have been dreading too in half-term. For me it's because I actually had a good stretch of sleep for the first night in weeks, and felt sooooo rough when I woke up

I knew how tired I'd be today and tomorrow. It helps with having things planned to do, even if it's just a walk down to the shops, but when you feel so tired it's hard to get anything accomplished. DD1 is already pushing me to go and play outside and I'm still in my dressing gown and I can feel tempers fraying already.

Is there anything you can have the boys occupied with Shaz for half an hour whilst you have a cuppa and take some time to try and 'regroup'?

i had loads of plans for them, cinema, days out etc, but the arguments, and constant noise, the bickering, pushing and shoving each other, the aggression, its just becoming too much, feel like a failure, have an over whelming desire to cut again, and i havent done that for a few months now.
at the moment, one lad is playing on patop in kitchen, and other is watching tv, least they seperated for a while, but it wont last, never does.
sorryyou feel shattered too, wont the girls settle for a dvd in front of tv for a while ?, why do teachers have to have so many hols lol
feel bad, cos i was so looking forward to having them off this time, after all the trouble josh had at school, thought he would be happier at home, seems not, maybe its just the teenage thing

hugs
shaz xxx

shazrobo

FiftyPents wrote: »

Im on my penultimate anti depressant tablet today, ive been on them for 4 years, and Saturday will be my final tablet :j

hi fiftypents, and welcome to the thread
shaz x

Jo_R_2

shazrobo wrote: »

i had loads of plans for them, cinema, days out etc, but the arguments, and constant noise, the bickering, pushing and shoving each other, the aggression, its just becoming too much, feel like a failure, have an over whelming desire to cut again, and i havent done that for a few months now.
at the moment, one lad is playing on patop in kitchen, and other is watching tv, least they seperated for a while, but it wont last, never does.
sorryyou feel shattered too, wont the girls settle for a dvd in front of tv for a while ?, why do teachers have to have so many hols lol
feel bad, cos i was so looking forward to having them off this time, after all the trouble josh had at school, thought he would be happier at home, seems not, maybe its just the teenage thing

hugs
shaz xxx

DD2 has just decided she wants to watch a DVD so they're quiet for a bit - however long that lasts! Hopefully enough for me to grab a shower - always seems to help me feel a bit more human.

I must blush and admit that my problem Shaz isn't the girls together, as they're still quite young and close in age, DD1 is very motherly to DD2 and they usually play together quite happily. The problems seem to come when they want *my* attention and I'm occupied with something - which usually happens at the least convenient times, favourites being when talking to the midwife, when I'm on the phone, cooking dinner, that sort of thing... They don't hear what I say - you know how it is - and I get really irate when i try to be diplomatic (ie if they want something right now but it's not appropriate, and I defer and say, not right now but we can do after x/y/z, and all they hear is "no" when I didn't say that! :eek:

I think you have to give yourself a bit of leeway Shaz.. I think as parents we can be too hard on ourselves and think every little thing is a sign of our shortcomings but I know, for example, DD1 will be cross at times and shout at DD2 who doesn't understand, or DD2 will take DD1's things to 'play' but DD1 of course gets angry... You know what I mean but try not to take it all to heart - as much as you can, and I know it can be really hard not to...

Big virtual hugs again and will try and check in later to see how you're doing xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!

How is everyone?:A

Safe journeys guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi bry!
How are you hunnie? How are things at uni going? I've been worrying about you, bry.
I remember you feeling a bit stressed over returning to uni hun, and then it seemed a shock to you when you and your bf split up. I'm sorry things have gotten off to a shaky start to the new term angel. Let's have a look at the issues one at a time. It can really help to separate each problem so it doesn't feel quite so overwhelming and to make plans of steps to try for each one.

bry wrote:

here's to drinking another day of hurt away.....while my housemates, including my recently ex-boyfriend, sit downstairs watching top gear, not giving a damn about me
makes me want to do something really stupid, just to see if they'd notice or if they cared

Please don't do anything stupid hunnie! I know the temptation's there but it won't get you the attention you want and it won't make evrything all right again angel. I'm hoping that maybe you'd had a few drinks when you posted that thought. Don't turn to alcohol sweetheart - don't give yourself another problem to deal with. I know it must seem very easy for me to say and I know you're struggling and hurting, bry. Alcochol and meds are a dangerous recipe. Even if we're not on meds, alcohol is a depressant and so you're going to feel lower still, when you're trying to feel better by drinking. If you can bry, it's much better to talk it out than to drink it out.

Do you think it might help to unload some of the stress by talking to your student counsellor angel? Also keep communicating with your friends hunnie. I've put a couple of links here - one for an overview of student counselling and the other link is specifically for helping students through very difficult times. Please remember that I'm no professsional hun - and there is professional help available should you wish to consider it. I know you're naturally in a lot of pain atm hun, so it may also be worth visiting your local dr or you personal tutor if you don't feel you're coping. Don't be afraid to ask for help, bry.

http://counselling.glam.ac.uk/usefullinks/

http://www.nightline.ac.uk/Home.aspx

Here are some other links regarding students and depression and some of the help there is...
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/How+to/How+to+cope+with+the+stress+of+student+life.htm

http://www.student.counselling.co.uk/faq-1.html

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/Mental_Health

http://www.studentdepression.org/depression_in_student_life.php

http://www.studentdepression.org/common_student_issues_relationship.php

It's times like this when it can sometimes be helpful to get busy. Yes, you have to allow yourself whatever time to grieve over the ending of the relationship but also try and limit and select the time to do this. This tells you that you're in control. I'm sure your studies are going to take most of your time, as well as any job you might have but I think it's important for you to create some fun/quality time for yourself. You were a person before him and it may help to reclaim your independance and help you feel better about yourself. Maybe join a club on campus - or off it, try a new activity, join different circles, treat yourself and have a massage or a manicure every week or two - the local colleges/unis tend to have hair and beauty courses where you can get all sorts of things done at a fraction of the cost of the high street salons - start salsa classes, aquafit classes etc. Something a little bit different to give you a new, fresh routine where you can feel better and are doing something just for yourself.

Have I understood correctly that ex-bf is one of your housemates? Or does he visit friends there?
You're still very distressed over the break-up, which is so normal hunnie, but please don't shut yourself off from your own home and friends. I can empathise with why you feel ignored and isolated, but is it an accurate picture angel? Could it be more that you are the one that's isolating yourself because it's too painful to be around him, rather than them shutting you out? Has anyone been deliberately nasty or ignorant with you?

I guess what you need to ask yourself, is whether you can still live at the same place as your ex-bf? If it's too painful to be around ex-bf, it may be a good idea to start looking around for another house share, hun. Your accommodation office may be able to help here. Also remember that it won't be too long before third year degree students finish their course and more accommodation will then become free.
Having said this, you have to look at the long term situation - do you think that, given time, you could continue to live there with him? I don't want you to have to feel chased away from your house and other friends because of this situation. Who was living there first? Maybe he could move.

I hope I'm not sounding like I'm undermining what you're going through sweetie - it's a horrible situation to be in - I'm just trying to give different ideas of how to get through it, that's all. Whatever you decide hunnie, it's going to take time to adjust to the new situation so please don't be too hard on yourself or make any sudden decisions right now.;)

You're a lovely soul who I'm sure will one day meet the person who will make you feel glad that this has happened. Meanwhile, have the best time that you can, angel!

I hope something here helps hunnie and whatever happens, I'm thinking of you.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi cwm!
Come on in hunnie - you're most welcome here. Please be reassured angel that when it comes to this thread, you are always in the right place.

Your post proves that depression is not always visible from the outside. We commonly believe that everyone else is having a great life behind those closed doors as we suffer with depression, but it ain't necessarily so. Depression is very much an equal opportunities illness. I'm glad you've got some good friends and a lovely bf - please don't be afraid to turn to them for support, cwm.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad angel. Grief is a very powerful experience and can affect your every day life. People take different amounts of time to grieve and also we can start to grieve but then some people deliberately try and block it all out because it's so painful. Of course as with everything else in life, there's always interest to be paid when we put something away, and it can come back and hit you doubly hard. It's only been a year since you lost your dad, hunnie and so it's quite natural to be feeling even more low around the anniversary. I posted some links in my reply to pixie's post that may help with information on bereavement for you.

You've asked a good question about the difference with being down and having depression, cwm. That question may have a variety of answers purely because mental ill health is very much tailored to the individual.

I will say that I think the difference between having depression and feeling down, is possibly that at some point, the feeling down should lift for a while, whereas sometimes depression can affect many emotions in our lives, maybe leaving us feeling flat or alone or not like our usual selves and this can be quite persistent. This isn't a definition of depression, hun, by any means and it's just meant to encourage you to find out the answer to your situation.

We tend to both want, but dread, getting our label. We do want one because once we've got a label then people will understand and it'll prove it's not just me being stupid and we can sort out the treatment and get better. We don't want one because of the stigma and also because it can sometimes be scary to us to have it confirmed - we may feel less of a person and hopeless and afraid of what will happen next, iykwim?

In my humble opinion angel, the very fact that you've asked the question may mean that it might be a good idea to see your gp to find out. I'm not a professional hunnie so I can't say whether you have depression or not. Your gp is the only one who can answer that for you. At least that way you'll have had a professional opinion and can get whatever support may be suitable for you.
Our fear is of the unknown sweetheart and right now, you're in a situation where you don't know what's happening and that's bound to make you worry. That question will more than likely just keep turning over and over in your mind until you find out. And even if you do have depression, you'll be getting help.

It's common to feel very frustrated and to be hard on ourselves when it comes to dealing with depression, but it takes time for problems to build up and it'll take time to resolve them. Sadly, there's no single magical answer to curing depression, nor any quick fixes. It's so frustrating when we can't make our own bodies and minds do what we want them to do, especially when we know what's causing the depression! It's not a very practical illness to have, which is why I think of it as a bit of a gremlin because you can't apply treatment for it the way you would do for a broken leg. We can end up chasing our own tails trying to make sense of it all and that doesn't help us at all. We have to keep an open mind and follow the course best for us.

I think that it's time to visit our drs when our quality of life is being affected, whether it be due to depression or grief.
The only common factor cwm, is that if you have either, leaving it will only make it worse. You could be delaying getting some help which will make a difference. I think you'll probably feel a bit better once you know one way or another and the gp has explained it and offered any appropriate help. Whether it's a type of depression or it's grief that you're feeling, either way, there are resources your dr can access to help you hunnie.

The most common illness that drs see in their surgeries is depression and the gp should do all they can to reassure you and help you.
There are many different kinds, and levels, of depression and being diagnosed with it doesn't necessarily mean that you have the most severe kind - although it may feel like it to us at the time - and it may only be a temporary illness. Having depression doesn't mean that life stops and many people do go on to lead full and happy lives. There are many famous people who have some kind of mental ill health but are still very successful and can manage their illnesses.

I can understand how you feel sweetheart - that first step is always the hardest one. Write everything down to show the dr if you find it hard to talk. Taking action puts you firmly back in control and will hopefully give you some of the answers you need.
So now it's time to stop worrying angel, and to make that appointment with your dr and get some peace of mind. Please let us know how you get on, cwm.
Wishing you well, hunnie.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx