Dating in debt

miss_lisalou

Hey Haggle, at least you put yourself out there honey and gave it a try. My dating life is non-existent until the DMP is finished, it's all too difficult to explain, and when is the right time to try?!

Instead of worrying about someone else, be selfish for yourself, it doesn't have to cost money. Look after your house, your garden, your car, yourself - keeping in shape can cost little or nothing at all, cycling, swimming, running. And just think how hot you'll be when you are then ready to get dating again!

mmmsnow

My ex was in debt (but not facing it) and everything I wanted to do was met with "I can't afford this" and "I have debt so I can't do that" but, at the same time, he thought nothing of spending £150 on a night out with his friends. So there's a real difference between someone who is actually looking for a way out and those who use debt as a handy excuse. I lost 4 years of my life to someone who had a rosy view of the world after the last repayment yet absolutely no intention of starting to deal with the debt!

I have nothing but respect for those who have admitted their problem and are trying to get out of the red but I'm sick of hearing people who moan about having no money and then run out and spend hundreds of pounds on little pieces of nothing (as well as my ex, I have a good friend who is in severe debt but spends hundreds of pounds a month on clothes, DVDs and books).

I don't mind if the person I'm dating has debt as long as they are dealing with it and AS LONG AS THEY DON'T MOAN ABOUT IT

kochi1

miss_lisalou wrote: »

Hey Haggle, at least you put yourself out there honey and gave it a try. My dating life is non-existent until the DMP is finished, it's all too difficult to explain, and when is the right time to try?!

Instead of worrying about someone else, be selfish for yourself, it doesn't have to cost money. Look after your house, your garden, your car, yourself - keeping in shape can cost little or nothing at all, cycling, swimming, running. And just think how hot you'll be when you are then ready to get dating again!

Well said. Know the feeling. Just split up with my OH and am giving myself 18 months to clear my debts and get myself sorted out - that's the plan to keep me focused.

Hope your ok Haggle

haggle_2

I'm going to use the debt goals etc listed on this site to sort things out.

Well I'm going cold turkey and really kick start this drive to being debt free.

I don't spend much on stuff for myself but I've spent too much on dating women.

alona1

haggle wrote: »

I'm going to use the debt goals etc listed on this site to sort things out.

Well I'm going cold turkey and really kick start this drive to being debt free.

I don't spend much on stuff for myself but I've spent too much on dating women.

They weren't worth it if you were spending money on them.

haggle_2

alona1 wrote: »

They weren't worth it if you were spending money on them.

It wasnt them just one. Them could have been cheaper.

alona1

haggle wrote: »

It wasnt them just one. Them could have been cheaper.

Lol sorry, then she had her priorities wrong

Calling14

Think it is hard to be single and broke. Dating involves looking good which does cost money, clothes, hair make up.

Presently dating another hard up human, so involves going to each other houses, runs baths for me, brings me wine to bath and chocs, and looks of meals in - trouble in waistline inceasing now.

See Haggle doesnt involve being celibate at all just get the right woman and she will appreciate your honesty.

dgtazzman

I say honesty is the best policy. If he/she won't take you for who and what you are, then walk away. I was in a sound financial position when I first met my gf. Not long after we met, she got hit by a lot of unfortunate circumstances in a short timeframe, meaning she had to drop out of uni, and was facing having to pay for a rental flat she couldn't afford as her flatmate decided to up and move away with his gf, leaving her to pay for everything.

Even though it was early days, I couldn't see her face that, so I told her she could move in with me, we'd see where the relationship went and if it hit a brick wall, she was welcome to stay a while so she'd have time to sort herself out. I'm away more often than not for work anyway, so the house is then empty. I must note I was living in Holland at the time, so it was an international move for her, not a step to be taken lightly, but we didn't see any other option at the time to get things sorted.

The relationship went well and I supported her in the first year financially as she couldn't find a job because of the language differences. I was happy to do so and you won't hear me complain, but looking back we were a bit loose with our money, only living on one income. No debts or anything, but I was quite rapidly burning through my savings. In the end, my common sense took over and we had a good long talk about it. She felt so guilty it nearly ended our relationship, but she got herself a room in the UK and found a job. I sorted out all my affairs in Holland and 6 months later rented us a small flat in the UK and we moved in there together, at which point I sold my house in Holland and became a resident of the UK.

We hardly saw each other for 6 months (plenty of calls etc.), but it gave us both the room needed to set ourselves straight. If I'd kept to myself, we'd have burned through the last bit of savings and be chin-deep into debt by now and we now actually have fun trying to get things as cheaply as we can, it's become a hobby :)We're in such a comfortable position now, she's quitting her job at the end of the month (as her managers have become borderline abusive) and starting an OU course to try and get the uni degree she missed out on. She would have kept working if I hadn't convinced her to quit, I just think she deserves better treatment than what she's getting from her current employers and having looked carefully at our budget, we can now live off just my income and still save some towards buying our own house in the UK.

She is looking for a different job, but we're pretty much in the worst hit area in the UK jobwise, so I think the chances are slim, maybe some seasonal work for a little extra. We've seen the best of times, we've seen the worst of times and survived both. Just got engaged, love her to bits and look forward to calling her my wife sometime next year

End of rant, just wanted to show that if I hadn't flipped the switch and opened up about where we were financially, we would probably have been in a very bad place now.

Our idea of a nice meal out is the cafe at our local Sainsbury's, we can have a decent lunch there for around 10 pounds and to be honest, I enjoy it more than some of the 40+ pound meals we've had. When we really want to treat ourselves, we order takeout from Pizzahut (making use of any cashback of special offer we can find), which usually comes in at around 20 pounds and once or twice a month we have Sunday lunch out. For the rest, we're quite content cuddling up on the sofa with a DVD and a bag of microwave popcorn.

Nottoobadyet

Doh, I started reading the thread and had great date ideas but obviously now too late for haggle

If you're in a city or university town, there are almost certainly classical music concerts for free all over the place. Check out universities, embassies with cultural centres, big music venues and churches. Some of them are fantastic and won’t cost you a quid but will give your girl that classy night out feeling! In London there are literally hundreds of free music or cultural events to see, and some are fantastic. If she’s the academic type, you could drop in on any of the many public lectures held by universities, then drop in for a bargain at the student bars.

Dance classes can be had for about £6 a head (often held in church halls or community centres) for a fantastic night out, and you'll be too tired for an expensive dinner after that.

Some of the best holidays I've had with an OH have been walking for days and staying in hostels / bunkhouses. Not much for one on one at night time, but lovely and romantic and we can get back to normal service at home! Even cheaper is to plan a walk in the country that doesn’t mean you have to stay overnight.

And of course I back everyone up on cooking, walks in the park and cosy nights in.