Dating in debt

missworks2jobs

Me & Mr Works2jobs are both DFwannabees - although admittedly it was me that dragged us out of the mess and he was a "head in the sand" guy who would blow a fortune on nights out then complain and wonder where all his money had gone.

We have date night Sunday where every week we go see a film together (we have cinema passes paid for in advance - we ask for the renewal as xmas/birthday gift). We take our own popcorn (good cos I like salted and he likes sweet) made from home and sneak in cans of pop also from home. Making the popcorn is amusing in itself as it usually goes flying round the kitchen. Its our little adventure seeing if we can get away with smuggling in our munchies without being caught.

I sometimes take my mum on orange wednesdays - she gets the code on her phone and since i'm free, the 2for1 means she gets a free ticket too! Could work for a date - might sound sweet (or less penny-pinching if you use the excuse..."we can use the £7 we saved on a ticket to treat you to pick n mix/ice cream". That way you're thinking of them and treating them with the saved money i.e your date is careful with money but thoughtful and likes to treat you.

If the mister gets a bonus from work or we get a couple of quid on the lottery we use the MSE restaurant vouchers or do yo sushi blue mondays (everydish the same price), or there's a restaurant near one of the cinemas that does 2for1 on wednesdays so basically he pays for his meal and mine is free!!! We go out during happy hour "to avoid the masses" (not cos we're scrimping and saving - wink wink, nudge nudge).

I'm a right animal lover, anything cute & fluffy and I go nuts.....a regular treatfor me is a walk in the park and then feeding the ducks, hubby's not so impressed as he can't see all the excitement over a couple of "walking pancakes" but the fact that he's not so fussed about it but does it for me makes me all smiley!

Women are seriously impressed when a man cooks for them! Even if its rubbish - the gesture and the fact you dont have to pay or wash up goes a long way (well it does with me anyway)/ That way you can use your own food from the cupboards and not pay restaurant prices. If it scares her a bit being alone in your house on a first date, or you're worried about atmosphere invite another couple of friends to break the tension. An informal dinner party.

Silly things like wii/xbox challenges (the sports) or daft board games always bring out the competitive side of people or singstar on PS2 (borrow from a friend if you dont have one...or invite a friend who already owns said console & fun game). You can also get those interactive quiz DVDs that might be fun - something silly for after the meal, again everyone has one of these kicking around that hasn't been used since xmas. Drink will always help those a little shy of joining in (again since you're cooking ask others to bring a bottle or a desert).

If we get invited out for birthdays etc and money is tight or our budget is stretched we use these cheats....
1) take the car - you can offer other people a lift home, they'll contribute petrol money or offer to pay for your drinks as gratitude
2) dont drink, stick to soft drinks as they're cheaper and if you've followed tip 1) you shouldn't be drinking & driving
3) eat a late lunch - dont starve yourself all day cos you'll want to eat more
4) have water at the table, fill up on liquid
5) have a side-dish as a starter (its cheaper), or go for something filling, or don't have a starter and fill up on your main
6) check out the specials board or 2 courses for X options
7) skip dessert (or go halfies with someone) or have a coffee instead OR if its an occassion like birthday etc...make your own. Make them a cake (it'll can also double as your gift for said occassion) and bring it to the restaurant with some candles...ask them to light it and bring it out as a nice surprise. Most nice restaurants dont mind you doing this.

Good luck x

lvm

Hey Haggle!

I couldn't read all this then just leave. I'm pretty much in same situation as you and would rather pay money to clear my debts than on nice outfits to go on dates etc (although the offer of a date would be nice once in a while!)

Although I'd be more than happy for some guy to take me out and treat me I'd hate the lack of control and would feel completely vulnerable not being able to pay my own way.

On the other hand, I'd be happier with quiet nights in with a nice meal and a film...so not all girls need to be taken out to swanky restaurants - the ones that are worth it will be happy just spending time with you!

Hope you can at least make the most of Valentine's Day! x

dichremy

Happy Valentine's Day

haggle_2

lvm wrote: »

Hey Haggle!

I couldn't read all this then just leave. I'm pretty much in same situation as you and would rather pay money to clear my debts than on nice outfits to go on dates etc (although the offer of a date would be nice once in a while!)

Although I'd be more than happy for some guy to take me out and treat me I'd hate the lack of control and would feel completely vulnerable not being able to pay my own way.

On the other hand, I'd be happier with quiet nights in with a nice meal and a film...so not all girls need to be taken out to swanky restaurants - the ones that are worth it will be happy just spending time with you!

Hope you can at least make the most of Valentine's Day! x

oh my god you reminded me of valentine's day.

londoner1998

haggle wrote: »

oh my god you reminded me of valentine's day.

Haggle
like others have said, if they only are concerned abut you taking them out and spending money on them, they are not worth your company. My OH and I got together at college- I was older and earning a very decent salary in a fulltime job, but he was just out of Benefits and had a 4 year old to look after and support. And you know what? It didn't matter- one of the meals I remember most fondly and that makes my heart melt is when he came to have lunch with me at work and brought a salad made by himself (I gave him the keys of my flat a couple of months after starting dating)... I still remember the cashew nuts he put in there 'for protein'., and eating it in the park. It cost so little and yet it made me feel so special, i can't describe it... Since then I went part time, enrolled in Uni, did a Masters degree, etc... and we had a lot of park lunches in those early days, while he built up a reputation as a freelancer and as you can imagine, money has been very tight for years. But that didn't matter because we work together at it and I would be very upset if I find out that he thinks he need to spend money on me to make me happy- last week he decided to treat me and 'have a feast' (I am studying again and working full time and had a tough week at work)- libanese flat breads, falafel and hummous from the local middle eastern shop- less than a fiver... and cosy at home without having to worry about transport or getting home late. And he knows I love that kind of food so he got 10 out of 10, especially since it was Moneysaving. About once a month or so he go for dinner, but is never more than 30 quid for the both of us (and almost always 50% off with the Taste London card)

So it can be done and a reasonable , intelligent woman will appreciate the fact that you are dealing with your financial situation in a adult and mature way, rather than trying to impress and show that you have what you can't really afford...

Be yourself, and you will be fine, and even more so when you debts are a thing of the past...

lvm

haggle wrote: »

oh my god you reminded me of valentine's day.

Sorry! I know, very depressing!

ellesbellesxxx

Hello!
Gosh only just seen this thread and realised been going on for 2 years - well done you for getting out of a sticky situation, from what it sounds like.
From my female point of view, I would be really embarrassed for a man to pay for everything - I take pride in having a job that I love and paying my way. When I have gone on dates (Which I am trying to go on lots of this year!) I would always offer to pay my way, NEVER assume.
Saying that, I am definitely someone who appreciates the simple things in life. If a man went and bought me a magazine and ran me a bath right now, you can hang your champers and posh hotels!

Takingcontrol_2

oh wow!! I am now recently single again and would LOVE a man who was tackling their debt!! had far too many (that sounds bad! lol!) who would rather run away and bury their head in the sand when it comes to money! Would be very refreshing if I met someone and he said he was in debt and was sorting it, so no expensive nights out!!!!!!!!

StressHead

Hi Haggle,

I am about £60K in debt of which most of it is made up of money I borrowed to give to my partner at the time to help him out. Needless to say, he did a runner and I haven't seen him since. That was 8 years ago. The rest is made up of money I spent on people basically trying to get them to like/love me. Pathetic I know as it shouldn't be about money.

Virtually everyone I have chosen to have in my life now knows my financial situation as I've had enough of feeling ashamed, although of course I still am.

3 months ago, I met a wonderful man who has his own business and is financially stable. I worried about telling him about my debt but figured if our relationship was ever going to work, he needed to know sooner rather than later. I have made it clear that I am not with him for his money and would never expect him to help me pay it off. I told him about my debt after only 6 weeks. He has been so supportive, tells me off if I spend 'too much' money on him and we stay in lots because I don't want him paying for everything.

We're already in the process of moving in together and are planning our exciting future. I guess what I'm trying to say is with or without debt, you're still the same person inside and so is she. If she does a runner because of your situation and your honesty, best to find out now rather than when you've fallen for her. After all, you're not alone... lots of people are in the same boat and being in debt doesn't define who you are as a person. I'm sure I've just written a load of gobbledigook but hope it helps a little

mariemcg

haggle wrote: »

Thanks sieve, Good to get a reply from a guy.

I'd be intrested to know what % of guys got into debt because they tried to impress women.

Obviously I'm a girl, but I would be prepared to bet that it would be a higher % than they would have us believe. Chin up and don't be taken in by a golddigger xx