Dating in debt

System

haggle wrote: »

lennymfo,

Is that a trick question? :-)

Nope, was a genuine question

becky_rtw

haggle wrote: »

Sounds like a great offer but don't know if I could keep up. Flora London Marathon

It wasnt an offer - I've got mine thanks :p

Or you could get into running - cheap as chips and loads of hot ladies :D

Hope you sort out your expensive lady however you choose to!

mooomin

Me and my other half are skintaroonies, but every couple of weeks we go to Orange Wednesdays at the pictures. We get a nice evening out and it costs buttons.

Ooh, and we have been together for eight years, we've always been broke, and it has never really bothered me. Some of out best days out have been wandering along the beach together etc.

MissKJ

I know it isnt the same, but I asked my daughter today what she would do different if we had lots of money. She couldn't answer, so I must be doing something right, our Saturday nights with cheap bottle of wine and saturday night Tv snuggled up are all we want. Tonight we splashed out, but none of us wanted to go out, so got a takeaway.

smallfish_3

Hi Haggle, You might not want to yet but at some point it might be wise to tell her/any potential girlfriend you're in debt? You don't have to give figures but if the dates were to move onto something more serious I think it would be good to be open. I'm not being sanctimonious here, I don't suggest this for her sake so much as yours because you're going to find yourself in some awkward situations, financially speaking, if she doesn't know. And like others have said, you'll most likely dig yourself in deeper trying to keep up appearances.

If my experience makes you feel better: When I met my DH 9 years ago I'd never been in debt apart from my student loan which I sneakily kept in a high interest savings account and worked my way through uni BUT he told me after a few weeks after we met that he WAS in debt - he had to tell me as we moved in together 7 weeks after meeting and got engaged 2 months after that :eek: . I do remember I was a bit surprised but more relieved as he pulle dthe age-old trick of making out like he had something AWFUL to tell me and I thought , "Ono, he's gay/married etc etc' :rotfl: So we worked together to pay it off, my moving in gave us 2 incomes and we didn't need that much just to live on so we paid down the debt and then saved for our wedding a 10 months later. Ironically now it was only about 7k for a car loan and a bit on CCs and several times since we've been together we've wracked up about 3 times as much as that by doing up our houses having moved 3 times!
BUT we've always tried to be savvy, kept an eye on the tips here :j and fortunately have always paid it off. As it stands now we've only got mortgage debt as we've kept all our properties, and even have savings for inevitable redundancy this year . One thing you learn from this forum is there are loads of reasons why people get into debt and any one of them can happen to you at anytime. You could be debt-free, get married, lose your job, end up in debt again through no fault of your own.

I guess like thay say, it's how you deal with it that counts and to end on a positive, although yes anyone can end up in debt at any time, you can also go from being in a very negative finaical position to being in a very positive one too . So just because you tell a potential girlfriend you're in debt now doesn't mean you might not be very comfortably off a few years down the line :T . All the best with the debt-busting :j .

Storm

haggle wrote: »

I'd be intrested to know what % of guys got into debt because they tried to impress women.

I can't give you percentages, but I know my OH got in debt because of his ex - he wanted to be 'the provider' and couldn't bring himself to say no to stuff she wanted (expensive holidays, the full sky package, big shopping sprees etc) When we first got together he felt really uncomfortable letting me pay my way, but personally I prefer it anyway - this is an equal relationship & I don't feel like I owe him anything.

I can understand not wanting to tell someone about your debt right at the beginning of a relationship, but if it's been a while & you still don't want to say anything, then maybe it's time to examine if this relationship is right for you (sorry to be harsh).

Otherwise, you could always say that you're worried about possible redundancy & are trying to watch what you spend because of that - perfectly reasonable at the moment methinks!

Good luck

Donedoingdebt

Met a girl in 1999, went out for a few dates. Told her the extent of my debts (Huge). She insisted going 50/50 on everything. We've now been married 6 years last June & I've got my last payment to DMP on 16th of this month.
So, it can work out, love, legover & all!!!!!!!!

andy40

I think you have to live within your means, and if that means deing dumped by someone who cares too much for money and 'stuff' then so be it.
I have had a couple of (short) relationships where we were financialy incompatible and I was dumped, and thats probably for the better.
Learn to cook, it saves money and says more than a fnacy restaurant.

haggle_2

Oh no the week end is coming which = spending cash.

Right lets think about your cash saving idea's.

1. Go for a picnic. (not now)
2. Cook together. (could be the best)
3. Get a video and stay in. (are you talking about the naughty type?)
4. Shop Lifting. (no)

Any more ideas?

mooomin

haggle wrote: »

Oh no the week end is coming which = spending cash.

Right lets think about your cash saving idea's.

1. Go for a picnic. (not now)
2. Cook together. (could be the best)
3. Get a video and stay in. (are you talking about the naughty type?)
4. Shop Lifting. (no)

Any more ideas?

Bake a cake (yum!)

If you're not into cake baking, something little, silly and heartfelt - make a card or some choccy treats.

Go to a museum/gallery with her and have a nice hot chocolate afterwards, then make dinner.