Retraining my hubby

Girlzmum

We said the same thing about splitting the chores, I cook, he washes (never the other way round!) I sort out washing, hang it and he folds and puts away etc. Only problem is that he seems totally incapable of doing all the dishes and he constantly misses stuff/leaves it to soak so I wait and wait and then lose the head and storm into the kitchen and do it all with him telling me he was going to do it (funny how I always manage to lose my temper about 5 minutes before he was going to start them) We fall out, he apologises and starts doing them again. This lasts about 2 months and then things slide. We've been living together for 9 years and it has never changed. :mad:

julliff

Oh, I wish I could change things at home.

My husband does next to no housework, he doesn't drive, doesn't take an interest in the finances (except to tell me that I take all his. I earn over 3 times what he does, and I sort out all the bills etc).
He doesn't sort out the kids with school stuff, and aways moans if I tell him there is a Parents Evening/concert etc.
I work full time, and I feel exhausted most of the time.

He has ME, and does feel ill a lot of the time. that said, he never really helped that much before he had it (about 3 years now).

If I try to ask him to do stuff, he makes me feel bad, like I am being unreasonable. I never win any arguments, as he has this thing where he wont speak to me for days, and I cant bear the kids to live in that sort of bad atmosphere.

I feel at my wits end with this, I have tried allsorts of approaches. I have even told him how tired I am and his response is usually "Tell me about it... I am exhausted all the time"

He used to do quite a lot of DIY, but he doesn't have the energy for that anymore.

My younger daughter does help me out (I give them money for jobs), but the elder daughter, I'm afraid, is more like her Dad.

Sometimes I feel like I am only here too make their live easier - lifts, earn the money, run the house, organise the holidays etc etc.

Sorry if I am hijacking this thread, but I just needed to get it off my chest. I just want soemone to know how I feel.

He is not a bad man, I've probably made him sound like a monster - he isn't.

Thanks for listening

brownbabygirl

julliff wrote: »

Oh, I wish I could change things at home.

My husband does next to no housework, he doesn't drive, doesn't take an interest in the finances (except to tell me that I take all his. I earn over 3 times what he does, and I sort out all the bills etc).
He doesn't sort out the kids with school stuff, and aways moans if I tell him there is a Parents Evening/concert etc.
I work full time, and I feel exhausted most of the time.

He has ME, and does feel ill a lot of the time. that said, he never really helped that much before he had it (about 3 years now).

If I try to ask him to do stuff, he makes me feel bad, like I am being unreasonable. I never win any arguments, as he has this thing where he wont speak to me for days, and I cant bear the kids to live in that sort of bad atmosphere.

I feel at my wits end with this, I have tried allsorts of approaches. I have even told him how tired I am and his response is usually "Tell me about it... I am exhausted all the time"

He used to do quite a lot of DIY, but he doesn't have the energy for that anymore.

My younger daughter does help me out (I give them money for jobs), but the elder daughter, I'm afraid, is more like her Dad.

Sometimes I feel like I am only here too make their live easier - lifts, earn the money, run the house, organise the holidays etc etc.

Sorry if I am hijacking this thread, but I just needed to get it off my chest. I just want soemone to know how I feel.

He is not a bad man, I've probably made him sound like a monster - he isn't.

Thanks for listening

Gosh, I really pity you. Can I repeat - men are sooo irritating!

BTW what is ME?

julliff

It stands for Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

Here is a description:

http://www.nmec.org.uk/menonsuffererguide.html

luxor4t

Magpye wrote: »

Hello all,
... He's absolutely useless at housework (doesn't even try half the time.) My MIL :mad: didn't teach him to do a thing in the house ....
The most annoying thing is that I've slipped unthinking into a stereotypical gender role which is the absolute antithesis of my natural inclinations, and it doesn't suit me at all!.....snipped

Oh dear, been there and am still stuck after more years than I care to admit. DH, however, thinks he is a 'new man' because he can finally iron a shirt & has worked out how the washing machine switches on & MiL fakes amazement that he does 'so much for you' .

Cloister

Some of you have it quite tough there, and I have to agree that men don't know what it takes to keep a house tidy especially with children. Lucky for my wife that I do quite a bit of these things.

Sometimes she goes to stay with her mum for the weekend and in order to keep the house tidy there is quite a lot that needs to be done, it's almost constant.

Men are usually happy to sit and play on the computer for hours, I used to - not sure how I changed really as I used to leave my clothes in a pile on the floor etc - I can't remember changing it has been gradual.

I prefer to be told straight personally what I have not done quite right it's easier for me if I know, trouble is for some unknown reason I can only remember to do a few things at any one time.

If my wife says I should do things a certain way I can do it - then she'll tell me something else also to be done in a certain way, then after I am good at remembering to do a few things the next thing she tells me I forget the first thing - it's like I have a limited capacity for remembering household things.

but for all that I think we got it worked out well in our house I do my share of looking after our DS and although DW will do most of the tidying when she is away I can manage to keep it nice and tidy at the very least.

I cook too by the way, it's not that DW can't cook she just hates it while I find it therapeutic to cook and on the weekend I make us meals for the freezer for the next week or two so all she has to do is put it in the oven for an hour before I come home and our dinner is ready. (I usually make Cottage pie, Lasagne or Cheesy mash - they seem to freeze well and I buy foil containers to put them in (like you used to get at the Chinese take away).)

anyway that'll do just thought I'd say that's our arrangement....

Cloister

Oh yeah, I don't usually do the washing and we don't iron much DW was never taught to iron but I was from an early age so if we do need anything doing then I can do that. (I remember mum taught me when I was 11 so I always did my own from then)

RoxieW

ah, so many of us in the same boat then! I'm a SAHM at the moment so dont mind doing the lions share - although as I'm pregnant and have SPD hubby does the hoovering (though it now gets done once a week instead of once a day - and upstairs, well, god only knows the last time it saw the hoover!) and a dishwasher has made things considerably easier on both of us! The rule used to be that he does the washing up on weekends.
Like others, I've found job splitting instructions can work - ie, can you bath the kids while load the dishwasher - or literally throwing things at him ie if he's going upstairs I hand him his clothes to put away - if he's going out I hand him any rubbish that needs to go in the bin.
If I was working then the jobs would have to be split a little more fairly. Though he's also one for dumping clothes on the bedroom floor- grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Topdogfran

spirit wrote: »

Retrain him? You make him sound like a dog instead of a human being!

there's nothing on the instructions of an iron, washing machine, hoover etc to say that men cannot use these appliances. Just show him how to iron, how to load the washing machine, dishwasher etc.

You might want to have a rota of who does what each week but it should be easily sorted if handled correctly.

Men, dogs, kids, they all respond to being rewarded for doing the things you want them to do..........

brownbabygirl

i am yet to be married. Wives, can you give some advice as to how to avoid this for when I am married (engaged and not living together)