young teenage son to become a dad - advice pls

Suzie_LPL

I was 16:eek: OH 19 when we had our son an i grew really close to my MIL in the months up to having the baby, so close she was in the room when i had him!
I have never really got along with my mum :beer: came first so make sure they know you support them fully as she might not have a good support network like I didnt.

Our sons auntie is only 4 months older than he is and they were in the same class at school!!

Hope everything goes well:D

hm71_2

congratulations- I was 18 when I had number 1 son- my sister was 14 when she had number 1 son & now has 7 children & 3 beautiful grandchildren with another on the way, children & grandchildren are a blessing but agree with sarah & paprika that some caution may be needed, let them know you support them a card sounds lovely as suggested.

Paparika

cobbingstones wrote: »

Jeeeze Paparika that's something I can only assume and hope for. As long as ds thinks the babe is his then that's cool.

Sorry to have pointed this out, but i am sure its his, and he isn't so young my mum had me at 19, mind you she assumed i would be the same, i shocked her that i didn't have DS till i was 25.

So enjoy being nanny, you'll love it

Pssst

Call me an old cynic but I am sure there is many a young man who has expressed the desire to do the decent thing and stand by his woman who is pregnant but then,when reality kicks in,they often just get dumped on the state or their parents to look after.

Sorry to pee on the parade but it has been all very ..roses round the door...up until now and no one has really said what I'm saying.

For most teenagers,they just sha g as and when they can. They see a pretty girl,they pursue her and if they get then chance,they sh ag her. End of story.

No thought or mention of contraception here.

We'll just be charitable and say it failed shall we?

Anyway when teenage son and young girl realise the realities,things may well change..

(a)no money

(b) no home

(c) no freedom to go out and get lashed anymore or to go and get other girls or lads

(d)mum feeling unwell,puking,being needy and moody,no sex

(e) constant smell of baby poo,nappies and needy mummy.

Its enough to put many a lad off isnt it and thats when they do a runner and leave it to the state to deal with.

laurenjs88

Hi cobbingstones.
I'd have a chat to your son about it invite her round for dinner or something. My instant reaction to your OP was "oh god, damage control"

I think your fear is very real and its a good idea to form a bond with the girl as strong as you can incase they do split. However thats my negatie side of the situation!

It miht be completly different and they are very happy together.

Congratulations!

Oldernotwiser

Sorry to be another party pooper but I do think that when people's response to a teenage lad getting his girlfriend pregnant is "Congratulations!" it rather indicates how far down the slippery slope our society has gone.

I'm obviously in a minority on this one but it does rather indicate one reason why we have such an increase in teenage pregnancies nowadays.

laurenjs88

19 isnt really a teenager, Also if he's prepared to look after his child and be a good dad even though he may have made an error of judgement i think that shows he's been brought up well and is a fine young man.

My ex fiance is 21 and even though my daughter isnt his, he is a brilliant father to her. However her 26 year old father refuses to have anything to do with her...

Outnumberedbysmallpeople

I think though the whole point is they are pregnant, they are having a baby and in telling their families they very obviously intend on keeping their baby which is why people are calling for OP to be supportive and offer kindness rather than condemnation.

I agree Psst all your points can be very true which is exactly why support can be essential as it can be the one thing that helps hold a young family together and avoid a life supported by the state.

If this were a post about 19y.o son & young girlfriend planning to get pregnant I'd be one of the first to post and tell the OP to convince them to defer their plans until they were more stable because yes, it can be very hard and it does take alot to survive it and make both a good parent and remain a couple but it happens for some people - it would be a shame to drop our responsibilities to our children because a situation might fail and might turn out badly. I think it's important to remain optimistic and support our children when a situation arises.

My parents gave us alot of emotional support and encouragement- encouragemnt which largely revolved around emphasising our responsibility as parents and as partners and it did work. My husband was an entirely clueless teenager then but he door knocked until he found a second job which he held down whilst we completed our A-levels in order to fund setting up our home and support us. He's currently facing the prospect of redundancy and that would be the first time he'll have been unemployed in his adult life.

If this were a hyperthetical question about what would you say if your child was a teenage parent then negativity might be warranted but when that pregnancy already exists and there is a firm intention to keep it energy is best spent on trying to remain positive and reenforcing OPs sons intention to be a father, partner and a provider

nadnad

yeah i hate to be another party pooper, but i gotta say if my son was 19 and his girlfriend of only a few weeks was pregnant, i would not be saying congratulations and i certainly would expect any congrats on being a granny!

by all means give them support and understanding but i would also be educating him now on how difficult this is going to be - for everyone. sadly theres a high probability of them not staying together and thats so hard when a child is involved.

Mely

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Sorry to be another party pooper but I do think that when people's response to a teenage lad getting his girlfriend pregnant is "Congratulations!" it rather indicates how far down the slippery slope our society has gone.

I'm obviously in a minority on this one but it does rather indicate one reason why we have such an increase in teenage pregnancies nowadays.

I completely agree! It would break my heart if one of my daughters got pregnant at such a young age! Especially after knowing the lad only a few weeks and not being married. I would have to stand by her, but she would be doing most of the baby care, and i would occasionally babysit. There would be no leaving the baby to go out with her mates, she would have to face up to her responsibilities, and the real reality of what a baby brings.