Great 'financial harmony in relationships' hunt

Triggles

How else could I reconcile things like my phone contract? My phone costs more per month (45), I made the choice to pay for it, and to continue to pay for it, I wouldn't want that decision questioned (as it could be if it came out of joint cash), just as I wouldn't question the OHs decision to buy an expensive dress (I hate to confirm gender stereotypes but I am talking hypothetically). My accounts (and my whole life, emails, phone calls etc.) are completely open to the OH so there are never any secrets, if I spend a hundred pounds on new playstation games , or fifty pounds in the pub she always knows and my statements are there for her to see any time.

I think for us it's just compromise. We both had contract phones, just because that's what we were used to. When our contract was up, we jointly (both grudgingly but felt it was worth trying) went to pay as you go. Now after using PAYG phones for 6 months, we realise we didn't make anywhere near enough use of our phones to justify contract fees. So no problems there. But DH absolutely loves having Sky Sports on our Sky package, and occasionally orders a pay-per-view sports event. I don't mind, as it's something he enjoys. He, on the other hand, doesn't mind when I spend a little money on something I like. As long as neither is over the top, and is realistic about what we are spending, it's not a problem. As long as the finances are there, jointly or otherwise, it shouldn't be something you have to justify. I think the most important things are trust, communication, and compromise.

vixarooni

My boyfriend works full time, in the last few days i have just completed my education and only work part time so my boyfriend pays for everything nigh on. I just pay for the tv license. It works well, he still has enough money to buy what he wants, and i normally pay for the food shopping and other things.

I think my boyfriend and i have been open and honest about money from the start. We first dated at 19, and very quickly we shared our money even back then, and we still do it now. Works for us!

SiuLoong

May seem a little too organised but I find organisation is the solution to stress and arguments!! I have a spreadsheet for our finances and use it to work out our % earnings and therefore what % of the bills we each pay, including food etc.. This is relatively easy as I pay everything and my fiancee pays a contribution based on those figures. This results in the higher earner having more free cash but the same % free cash related to earnings which I think is fair. When my fiancee finished uni and was looking for a job I paid 100% bills, and when/if we have kids and she stops work or reduces her hours, what she pays will be reduced accordingly. This way we can spend and save for our own things separately, savings for joint things (i.e. the wedding!) are included as a 'bill' and an agreed amount, split at the same % as the other bills is transferred each month to a separate high interest savings account.

This reduces any resentment if one is a spender and one is a saver as you have your own whilst covering all the essentials. If you have similar attitudes to money sharing everything works well, but I am very organised and a saver, and she has more of a 'head in the sand' approach and is more of a spender. Using this system we don't argue about money, but we can discuss our habits and as a result we have both taken on some of each others tendencies.. I spend a bit more (mainly on her!) and she has become much better at saving! Everyone wins..

chatnoir

Me and Oh moved in together in 07, when we started talking of moving intogether I first said I couldn't becasue I had just taken out a Loan to consolodate all by debt and as I was single at the time of taking out the loan and living at home so thought I would pay more each month and get it paid off quicker...so I ended up with monthly loan payments of nearly half my salary...so obviously could not afford half of a mortgage and bills!.....but after a few months of travelling back and forth to each others houses (we lived an hours drive aprt) we decided that we would move intogether but we would have to pool our money.

We both pay all our money to one account and everything comes out of it (my loan, mortgage, bills etc) plus we are saving money to pay my loan of quicker...and what ever is left over is ours to spend..I was very lucky that my OH agree'd to do this and he never resents that fact that we have no money because of my debt.....although fingers crossed we would have piad that off this november and we will be a lot better off!!!!!!!!

veloo

Most of the posts above assume a marriage to be a "happily ever-after" dream. In reality, many marriages end up in divorce or separation. It is prudent to understand that your other half is not perfect, and neither are you. Since we are talking about money - one of you is more responsible, or more financially astute, or more financially savvy, etc. or all together. It is a known fact that this sort of imbalance (more so if extreme) ends up splitting the partnership. Personally, I think it most helpful to understand that you and your partner are in the same boat - socially, financially, etc. - before you get in.

Lilith1980

This may sound awful but I dont know if I could ever have a joint account with my DH. I love him to bits but he is less than sensible with money at times and I wouldnt want our money being p*ssed up the wall, pardon the expression but he does spend silly amounts on beer!

He earns about £500 more than me so he pays for a few more bills but I think that's fair otherwise I am hardly left with any spare cash for myself.

Moniker192

This is an interesting thread. I think as women we tend to be more practical and worry more than men. I know that is true of me at the moment. We have a joint account in which I pay a little more because I am the higher earner. We use this account for all joint bills. We have an additional savings account which I also pay a small amount of and have asked him to match it when he gets more money. We also have a small amount of spending money each. We are struggling and go without holidays, nights out, gadgets but I am hoping when my other half gets a better career/job things hopefully won't be so hard. I think it is sensible to have the joint account and we are honest with each other if we are going to use it...
And, £900 for some puppies? What were these - made of Gold? LOL

clare699

We have a joint bank account, a joint savings account and a bank account each. We pay all our monthly bills from the joint account and save for things like car tax on a monthly basis from the joint savings account. We add up how much we need in each account, averaging it per month. When we look at our salaries, I earn 52% of our household income and my husband 48%, so I pay put enough money into the joint accounts to pay for 52% of the total and he adds the balance. He used to earn more so paid more. That way we never argue about paying bills, and the money we have left in our individual accounts is ours to spend / save as we like.

It works for us!

irishwench69

Hey everyone

Well sounds like I'm in the minority, but my OH and I don't have a joint current account. We have a joint mortgage, with the payments coming out of my account.

We each have our own current accounts, credit cards (no balances carried over, just month to month spending which is cleared each month) and savings.
Some of my money is in my OH's name, for tax purposes. We then have our own pensions etc.

I earn twice as much as my OH, and am more organised with finances. Therefore I look after all the bills etc (have them paid out of my account), and my OH pays me a set amount each month. This is done is % terms to account for our salary differences.

We then have our own accounts to spend any remaining money how we wish. For any big purchases, we discuss how to best pay / save for it (e.g my cashback credit card, one of our savings plans, or someone's account if there's enough left!).

We communicate fully with each other regarding our plans, which means we can be comfortable with me running our accounts from an admin point of view (ensuring best rates etc).

My OH had some more debts earlier in our relationship (from when he was a student), but he was completely upfront about them and had a payment plan in place. I could pay them off so we could start saving for our life together. I didn't mind doing that as that what earning more means. I might earn it but we spend it together. I know that he thinks the same.

This means keeping separate accounts can work absolutely fine

Anyway, this is what works for us. Whichever account/s you use, as long as you're open and honest, I reckon you'll be fine. Any type of scrounging or dishonesty would be a deal-breaker for me tbh.......

IW x

Yorkshirechick

My DH and I have a pretty complicated set up. We have a joint bills account for all the DDs, a joint spending account for food shopping, petrol, eating out etc. We also have a personal account each (but they never seem to have any money in), and we have a series of other savings account for things such as car insurance, tax, etc.
I look after the bank accounts, cos DH is pants with money. If I worked full-time we would earn roughly the same, but after having our little lad I now only work 3 and a half days, so my wage has dropped by almost a third. This makes no difference to us, as we both work so we can pay our bills and look after our son. If we ever had a problem with money I could go back to working full-time, but we prefer for me to have some time at home with DS.