Great 'financial harmony in relationships' hunt

strangel

I understand what people are saying but I find it hard to ask OH to give me more money as he is paying out almost half of what he has coming in at the minute. When there is a vast difference in monies coming in (mine - £1200, OH - £300) I find it difficult to work out how much he should contribute.

gremlin

Triggles wrote: »

For us, everything is OURS. We have a joint account, out of which everything is paid. Most bills are on direct debit, except for just one or two. We take out a little "pin money" for ourselves at the beginning of the month, and that has to last each of us all month. I take out cash for the groceries to keep it under budget, and if there is money left over, it gets put in the "savings pot" which we are saving towards any Christmas expenses for 2009. We probably spend a little money here and there that is not essential, but each of us has our little weaknesses - we just make sure we communicate about it and check with the other. I keep track of the budget, but we sit down and touch base on it at least once a week to make sure we both know where we stand.

I'm a SAHM, so separate accounts would be a bit silly for us at this point. When I was working fulltime, I did make more money than DH, and supported us temporarily when he got made redundant. Now that I am a SAHM, DH is the one supporting us financially. Regardless of who made more money, we have always put our full incomes into the joint account. But it's never ever been a "your money, my money" kind of thing. We have always agreed no matter who earns it, it is OUR money. There's no resentment on either side, we work together as a team. That's what works well for us.

Totally agree - this is pretty much what we do and when you use the pot remainder for savings its easier to save too.

It seems the simplest way to me and I just dont get the Mine and His money seperate way of thinking. Its all ours.

Before we had kids I supported my OH through college and now he earns far more than I do but we have always shared the responsibilities - and the benefits of sharing OUR money.

And I think our relationship is better for it.

Discogod

i feel we've done it quite nicely & it fits with our thinkings very well.

We have a joint account which we each pay a set amount each month, this pays the bills.

Anything bought for the house also comes from this joint account, also stuff including car tax & shopping.

Any personal spend comes out of our own respective accounts. We dont spend alot anyway, dont drink or smoke & no real expensive hobbies - though we probably each spend the same amount anyway since other half needs to buy things like face creams & i pay for playing sports etc.

works well for us!.... oh, we're engaged & living together. Perhaps further down the line we'll share all our money but we'll see, not yet!

snowmaid

My husband and I pool our money 100%. We have separate accounts, but there is no mine/yours. We each have access to the other's account. We pay whatever needs paying and just get on with it. If I need money in mine I move some from his and visa versa. I think that this openess could be one of the reasons we are still married after 17 years. There is no secrecy, there is no mine/yours, there is no resentment because I could bring home more or get a bonus or visa versa. Marraige is a unity and we feel strongly that everything is shared. With the economic situation we both know what we are bringing in / spending etc.

sunshinejoclaire

We also view all money as our money. Both salaries go into our joint account and we get a small amount paid into our personal accounts each month when I get paid. The only reason we have the personal spendiong is because he smokes and I don't and i resented him spending any of our joint account money on cigs, and he also inists on having a pricey mobile, where i have a cheap contract. I like shoes though

This works well for us as we are a couple and a team, and everything in our house is ours. It has also worked well in the last few months since my OH was made redundant in October and has not yet started working again (though he has rang me this morning, he has been offered a job starting beginning of Feb YEY).

We have run our finances like this from the day we moved in together as the long term plan was always to buy a house, get married and have kids I earn more than my OH, but there may come a day when I don't!

What I don't get with the 'his and hers' way of doing it, say you have kids - who does the CTC and CB 'belong' to in that respect?

Jasper27_2

It's odd that this thread was started asking for tips but most of the posts are about peoples problems!

I find it really hard to believe that people will marry or live with someone/buy a house/have children but can't sort out their finances. Honest communication is vital to some to an arrangement that will work for you as there is no "one size fits all" solution. This should preferrably be before you set up home together but subject to review as your circumstances change.

Personally we only have "our" money, our only seperate accounts are ISA's as you can't have a joint one. We have been operating this system successfully for nearly 20 years and have never argued about money. It helps that we have similar attitudes to money and are reasonably savvy in these matters. We both agree that we would not be in the postion we are in (only modest incomes but decent lifestyle and mortgage almost paid) if we didn't work together to make the most of what we've got.

I have a friend who doesn't even know what her OH earns as he won't tell her which I find unbelieveable! I know it's very unromantic but joint finances is an area of your relationship you really need to work at as it splits up so many people and breaks up homes.

dan1001

Hi All,

Wondering if I could have some advice on what to do.

I am 24 yrs and just split up (3 months ago) with my partner who I have a Civil Partnership with. We have a joint bank account and to pay for the wedding I had £12000 on my credit cards. He can't get credit as he is Australian. Thinking the marriage would work and last longer I was not hesitant to pay for it on my cc.

Since we split up my ex was paying money into the joint account so for his share of the agreed repayments. Before Xmas I know he went to Australia and took the Overdraft out of the joint account (£100). I phoned up the bank and asked what more he could do. I was told that the od limit could be increased to £2400 and if I put a freeze on the account he could just take it off. I had no choice but to increase the limit myself and transfer the money to a credit card. Since then he has frozen the account some how and we both have to go into a branch to sort it out. I am completely happy with this but the problem is I am not sure know if he is going to pay it off at all. I have tried to contact him on many ocassions but he wont answer or respond to emails. At the end of each month the bank will charge interest and if the account goes over the agreed limit we will be charged a fee.

So this leaves me in the predicament of not knowing what I can do. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks

Triggles

I suppose I feel that everybody should pull their weight in a relationship, some of the stories I read above amaze me - if your OH isn't pulling their weight financially - what on earth are you doing with them? If they aren't responsible enough to pay their share of the bills you *both* have to pay (whoevers name it's in) then it can only lead to resentment.

This is how you feel. But I feel it is harsh. A marriage/relationship is a give and take. There are some times when one partner is giving more, and times when the other one is. When both DH & I were working full time, we never discussed percentages of our income on bills. When we got together, we joined everything - bills, income, all of it. When DH was made redundant, he was out looking for work immediately. It was only a month or two before he was back to work fulltime, but luckily we had my income at that point. I don't resent it. Things happen. It's that whole "for richer, for poorer" stuff. I've had a number of health problems, which now makes it difficult for me to work fulltime. DH doesn't resent it. It's life. That would be the "in sickness, in health" part.

And a lot depends on your view of "pulling their weight." I'm a SAHM. I don't earn an income. But I am home with our toddler full time, taking care of him and the house (and in August our new baby as well). This may not technically bring in money, but it does save on child care fees. It also means that DH and I get to spend more time together than if we were both rushing around coming and going to work and child care. So that's less stress as well. For us, that's important.

snowmaid

Triggles wrote: »

This is how you feel. But I feel it is harsh. A marriage/relationship is a give and take. There are some times when one partner is giving more, and times when the other one is. When both DH & I were working full time, we never discussed percentages of our income on bills. When we got together, we joined everything - bills, income, all of it. When DH was made redundant, he was out looking for work immediately. It was only a month or two before he was back to work fulltime, but luckily we had my income at that point. I don't resent it. Things happen. It's that whole "for richer, for poorer" stuff. I've had a number of health problems, which now makes it difficult for me to work fulltime. DH doesn't resent it. It's life. That would be the "in sickness, in health" part.

And a lot depends on your view of "pulling their weight." I'm a SAHM. I don't earn an income. But I am home with our toddler full time, taking care of him and the house (and in August our new baby as well). This may not technically bring in money, but it does save on child care fees. It also means that DH and I get to spend more time together than if we were both rushing around coming and going to work and child care. So that's less stress as well. For us, that's important.

Nothing wrong with being a full time mom. So long as the housekeeping etc and children are taken care of and hubby isn't coming home still having to do all the chores, doing meals etc, then you are more than contributing towards the household. Whoever is home should be responsible for the chores, finished. Be it the man or woman. It isn't fair that the person who holds a full time job comes home to do chores or cook. I am not talking about stay at home OH who are HONESTLY ill or disabled etc.

Triggles

So long as the housekeeping etc and children are taken care of and hubby isn't coming home still having to do all the chores, doing meals etc, then you are more than contributing towards the household.

Well, to a point. After all, my job starts at 6am and doesn't finish until 10:30pm, technically. DH still does some things around the house, as and when it's needed (helping with meals, hoovering as it seems to be needed a few times a day in the main room, help with washing up in the evening). And obviously as our son is OUR son, he is co-caretaker when he is home. But that's not chores, that's parenting.