Great 'financial harmony in relationships' hunt

(Land_of)_Maz

what an interesting thread...!

me and OH often squabble about money so need to do something to balance things out a bit.... loving some of the ideas on here!

supermonkey

Some interesting views on here... my other half and I planned on getting joint accounts years ago, but we just never did. We find it useful to have a couple of accounts anyway, so we would have ended up with 2 joint accounts. But we also completly share our money. What is mine is hers. I earn a lot more, but there's no "pay half" each attitude as I do not view the money in my account as mine, but as ours.

what we dont have is a set budget for spending money... so it means if one of us buys clothes, or some gadget the other may be like "how much!?!". the pocket money idea is perhaps a good idea though it cant be cash as we'd both use most of it online.

I guess my problem has been being too tight with money, and whilst I try to change if I hadn't been tight with money I would be in severe problems right now so it's hard to regret my attitude even if it is over the top! I always find my self justifying everything i buy - so if we decide on a takeway (a real rareity!) I force myself not to think about it or I will talk my way out of it, of even worse get it but moan the whole time so neither of us enjoy it! I hate replacing something for no reason - if it aint broke.... And of course for some a lot of things if worth looking on freecycle, and if unsuccessful then ebay or cheap shops - i sometimes find things I've wanted for ages in poundland which I held off getting as I couldn't justify spending £10 - £15 on!

We both hate the thought of being in debt, so we have no loans and no oustanding balance on cards, only a mortgage. I honestly don't always understand how people who earn majorly more than us are in so much debt! We do gradually save a little money and therefore when we needed to we were able to buy a car from our savings which is newer than a lot of our friends who earn more and have smaller mortgages (bought years ago!). But despite this I can't always bring myself to enjoy what I do have, when we actually seem to be better off than a lot of our friends (despite them earning more!).

This thread has also got me thinking - while savings are good, what point is there to it sitting in an account espically if it does deppreciate. n the other hand I'm glad I kept the savings as I lost my job and they gave me hope that we could pay the mortgage for a while. But it really sickens me that money that was saved over a few years has gone towards bills that would've come out of my income, and that my income is now lower so I cannot top these savings up!

donglefan

What do people do when they own a house and are solvent themselves, and the other person has no house, has been on income support for ten years and is unmotivated to change it?
If someone on income support moves in with you I think they stop getting benefits so you basically have to pay them as well as look after everything yourself?

Tetsugaku-San

donglefan wrote: »

If someone on income support moves in with you I think they stop getting benefits so you basically have to pay them as well as look after everything yourself?

Frankly I think the answer to that one is quite simple, get a job or you can't come in!

donglefan

Thank you T-San for the common sense advice.
Person in question is an insomniac with a bad back, so, it's tricky...

sunshinejoclaire

speaking as a long time insommniac myself, going back to work would (IMO) probably help this to be honest. I am far worse when I am off work for any length of time (e.g. holiday).

As for a bad back, I don't know how hard he/she is suffering, but employers have a duty of care to help people with medical problems in this instance. He/she may be given a specialy shaped chair for instance!

Tetsugaku-San

sunshinejoclaire wrote: »

speaking as a long time insommniac myself, going back to work would (IMO) probably help this to be honest. I am far worse when I am off work for any length of time (e.g. holiday).

Yeah I've known a couple, but on closer inspection it turned out the reason they couldn't sleep at night was because they felt tired in the day, so they'd often have naps, and sleep in the day!

A cure all for quite a lot of insomnia (everyone I've ever spoken to) seems to be 1) Get up at the same time every single day (inc weekends) and 2) to the gym or do some other vigorous exercise every single day. A full time job should tire you out enough to sleep as soon as your head hits the pillow!

I am known for my lack of sympathy however so your mileage may vary

Getting back to the financial sharing issue however, I can understand how you might be prepared to support someone out of work, who was actively looking - but long term? They need to have some sort of short sharp shock frankly, why should you share your hard earned money if they are just going to sit on the sofa all day?

donglefan

Lol, he's not a couch potato.
He's a very helpful man about the house who just tiled my kitchen, does a lot of gardening etc which I pay him for at the moment (he doesn't live here.) When he gets enough together tho, it will be spent on an adventure holiday or collecting hobby. I can see where he's coming from, because everyone needs a bit of fun, and anything he could save would be minor compared to what I can bring in at the moment (I don't know for how long.) I just find it a bit difficult that it's all down to me to make it work on a provision level.

RainproofMissCharlee

I hope you don't mind my asking, donglefan, but if your helpful man-about-the-house is capable of tiling and gardening of a daytime, could he not possibly manage a job of some sort? Tiling, perhaps, or gardening? He'd sleep well at night then, I can tell you.

I'd think fairly carefully (for about ten seconds, before saying no) about letting someone live with me who not only doesn't contribute any finances to the household, but also has every intention of spending any money that does come his way on himself.

So the facts here appear to be that he is too unwell and tired to work or pay his way, but he is well enough to go on adventure holidays, tile kitchens and do the gardening. Forgive me for being sceptical, but I smell a rat, and I think you should too.

But don't take me too much to heart; I live with Tetsugaku-San, and I think his misery-guts attitude is starting to rub off on me

galacticgreen

well I have read this thread with interest. I have been with my OH for 19 years. We have a joint account only. Both our salaries go in it and we pay for everything out of it. I have no idea who earns what percentage of our combined income. He is self employed so income varies all the time. All household bills are paid and we both take whatever money we require from the account when we need it. We manage our money very carefully and discuss our spending. Birthday/christmas pressies are bought on the credit card and we don't open the bill till after. We save each month in to a joint savings account. Works well for us.:j We are a team/family