Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

crazy_girl

im still in bed, im so lazy, my flats a mess, hubbys been up doing jobs for hours

MissRose

darknesshayz wrote: »

Gah!! I did it again today, self harmed, I felt upset, so I just did it . I really want help.... Still on the waiting list for, concolling, I understand that, I just feel down, I have stuff to look forward to though, so I am trying to focus on that, but its so hard, cause my mates live far away and I only see them every other month, I dont have many mates where I live, so I find it all difficult.... I sometimes think why dont we live near by.

Please, please get on the phone to your GP asap. I don't know which area you are in but some have specific mental health 'crisis' teams that are designed to help in these situations. They are trained psychiatric nurses who will talk on the phone to you or visit you at home.

What type of therapy are you waiting for? Ask your GP if you do not know. If you are waiting for a referral to the mental health team, the DR surgery may have access to alternative councelling services while you wait.

There are also private organisations who offer councelling and a lot of them will charge, however if you are low income / on benefits this is usually nominal.

There is a surprising amount of help for you out there so please try to stay strong.

x

System

Felt it was time for an update, though before i do., hope everyone is ok and that the ol' black dog isn't getting to any of you too much.

Had my first session with my occupational therpist today. Think it went ok. I have some goals set. 1)to look into full time education and the effect it will have on my benefits, 2)to look into college courses and what career i'd eventually like to go into and 3)to do some exercise and get to either the gym or go swimming at least once this week. made a start on 1 and 2 and looking at doing 3 either tomorrow or later in the week.

Been on new meds (moos stabiliser) for about 2 weeks now and not sure that they are working not sleeping and my mood has been very low. I've also been snappy (and a !!!!! according to my oh so sympathetic bf). He's gone home till the end of the week mainly to get uni work done but also to get away from me (i'm so !!!!ing sorry i am ill right now...), probably for the best. Meh. Not feeling great and am currently drinking myself to oblivion (i don't want to feel anything right now).

So two steps forward and one step back it seems. have another appointment with a mental health worker this week,. will let her know about the meds, my mood and the drinking.

Don't see myself doing anything the next few days but will try my hardest to at least go swimming or gym.

OT wants to me look into college or something. TBH i think if i can do it, it will help. I told her i do want to go back into work at some point, that i don't want to be on benefits forever and that i see this time as my recovery time. I know i'm not 110% right now, and i need to be that before i even consider getting back into work, my reason for this is stress is my biggest trigger. Its what triggers my depressive episodes. So i need to know i can deal with it before going back if that makes sense, otehrwise i'll just end up back to squuare one.

Sorry for going on peeps, just seems i have a lot to get off my chest right now.

crazy_girl

Messed Up- OT sounds good, hope you reach your goals this week

im very jealous! just as im slipping back and claiming benefits again, youre moving onwards and upwards. im really pleased for you

also, if youre on certain benefits you can go uni part time, you get to keep all your benefits, get your fees paid and get £250 per year for books, travel etc. i did it for my 2nd year.

i think its worse when youve been uni and done further study and everything people expect you to be too clever to be ill somehow, i suppose its like why they talk to you like youre an idiot when they find out you have mental health problems

i went mental on myself cutting-wise today, legs 10 times each, arms 5 times and even my belly, i dunno where it came from i ust had to do it. i was crying my eyes out by the end of it all, it hurt so much but i had to do what the bads said and finish up what they wanted me to do

ive taken my video diary back up, i won a digital video recorder year before last, it helps to record my feelings, i keep them on my computer just for me though i cant stand to watch them! i can tell the video things i wont say to hubby out loud and he can watch tomorrow.

docs again tomorrow, hubby wants me to go to the hospital and im frightened hes gonna convince doc to send me there.

hope everyone else is doing alright

System

*hugs* crazy_girl

i can relate. i have a degree, but i;ve ended up like this. i keep thinking how i've let everyone down how my rents must be so dissappointed to have a daughter like me.

right now if i am honest i am on the verge of self harm

i'm trying to listen to music to distract myself nut its really not working. keep listening to depressing songs. though found a song by between the trees called the way she feels-its aboiut SH.

pls don't feel hubby is against you, i'm sure he's just trying to do whats best for you hun. at least he cares (more than can be said for my bf atm). glad the video diary seems to be helping-keep it up. personally i have a blog, thats private. i need it to vent tbh. had one before but bf found it and took it all personally.

tbh i dont know how i got through uni. did it all with uttreated depression. verged on alcoholism in my first year, feel i'm going the same way now.

thinking of you hun

crazy_girl

i feel exactly the same as you, havent told my parents yet about the time off from work thing, my dad rang today and i could barely speak to him im so ashamed of myself

i wish your boyfriend was being more supportive, you can have a hubby who wants you locked up if you want?!

i dont drink alcohol but i have drunk 3 bottles of diet coke today!!!!!!!:eek:

hugs right back at you, im thinkin gof you too

System

crazy_girl wrote: »

i feel exactly the same as you, havent told my parents yet about the time off from work thing, my dad rang today and i could barely speak to him im so ashamed of myself

i wish your boyfriend was being more supportive, you can have a hubby who wants you locked up if you want?!

i dont drink alcohol but i have drunk 3 bottles of diet coke today!!!!!!!:eek:

hugs right back at you, im thinkin gof you too

my rents are ok, but they never speak of my "illness". I have a great aunt who is manic-depressive and they never talk about her either (though i spoke to her at xmas and she says she believe s her mother-my great grandma-was also depressive-son that supports my theory this is at least partly hereditary)

3 bottles of diet coke :eek: lol i love diet coke but not sure i could drink 3 bottles of the stuff!

Careful_with_that_Axe

Definately believe that chances of being depressive is hereditary. Took part in a study for Kings College Hosp about it along with Sis and Dad.

Hugs to all. Not feeling all the talkative as feeling quite poorly.

To anyone who self-harms. I can't stop you, but please do it in as clean and safe way as possible.

System

Careful_with_that_Axe wrote: »

Definately believe that chances of being depressive is hereditary. Took part in a study for Kings College Hosp about it along with Sis and Dad.

Hugs to all. Not feeling all the talkative as feeling quite poorly.

To anyone who self-harms. I can't stop you, but please do it in as clean and safe way as possible.

Know you're not feeling talkative hun but just wanted to give -hugs-

crazy_girl

CWTA- hugs from me too x

MU- I'm not really eating at the mo, just drinking gallons of Diet Coke