Leaving Wife

tom9980

IF the youngest child is 12 she wont get income support anyway

http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/JCP/Customers/parents_/Lone_Parents/Changes_to_Income_Support_for_lone_parents/index.html

Do the right thing by them and yourself OP, dont rush its a bad time to be selling your house so work something out so you can both get back on your feet and maybe look to sell when prices have risen a bit again in 5+ years when the 12 year old leaves home.

Try to work out a plan of action and present it to your wife.

DCFC79

tom9980 wrote: »

IF the youngest child is 12 she wont get income support anyway

http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/JCP/Customers/parents_/Lone_Parents/Changes_to_Income_Support_for_lone_parents/index.html

Do the right thing by them and yourself OP, dont rush its a bad time to be selling your house so work something out so you can both get back on your feet and maybe look to sell when prices have risen a bit again in 5+ years when the 12 year old leaves home.

Try to work out a plan of action and present it to your wife.

the OP said they werent looking at selling the house, but yes he does need to write down the financial numbers eg outgoings and any money that comes in like wages, then work out what you(OP) pays for,

DCFC79

OP do you not have any single male friends who have space for a flat mate (just thinking as you dont want to buy somewhere and maybe regret it), maybe the break will do some good and the 2 of you will be fine

pinkshoes

Pssst wrote: »

But just let one man come on here and say the same and he is condemned for abandoning his wife and responsibilities and then insulted by the suggestion that he is suffering some kind of mid life crisis.
Also the suggestion that he isnt telling all and that there must be some gymslip lolita in the background.
.

Actually, I think many people (me included) were going down the line of asking if he'd done everything he could to save his marriage first, before leaving.

There's nothing wrong with leaving a marriage if you have tried your best to re-find the reason you fell in love with them, especially if the other party wants to stay together, but the OP didn't make that particularly clear, and it came across like he hadn't tried to make it work yet, and this was his final decision, and perhaps didn't WANT to try and make it work.

Sammz

I can't believe the number of people who come on to these threads and put their own spin on the story. Or somehow turn the poster in to someone they know who said one thing but did another.

OP, if all that you have said is true (and I have no reason to doubt it other than that many posters do like to add further info in future posts!) then good luck to you moving on with your life.

As someone else has mentioned, your wife seems to be capable of bringing in some kind of income and could increase that to help.

And how controlling has she been by managing to keep you in a relationship you haven't wanted to be in for years?

Charis

Mrnidgap wrote: »

Why would I want to hurt the mother of my children? She has been part of my life for a long time and I only have positive feelings for her. Why am I not being honest? You do not know me. I work 12 hours a day Monday to Friday and it's got to the stage where i prefer to be at work than home. If I stay as I am I will fade away, am I not entitled to be happy? or am I the least important person in my life?

Are you sure you're not just suffering from burnout or depression - or loss of hope given the current economic conditions? Would it help to have a good look at your own life and where you think you could make changes before you leave the security of family life?

You still seem to care for your wife. How will you feel if a couple of years down the line she finds someone else who takes your place, both in her eyes and in your children's? Leaving home won't guarantee that you find happiness in the long term.

My ex OH would be the first to admit that he is no happier now than he was with me. We are still on friendly terms over 20 years later, but his relationships with our children have not been easy. Interestingly, although a couple of my children are now in their 30's and one has children, none has expressed the slightest interest in marriage. Be careful what example you set.

I hope you can work out something that benefits all of you.

Charis

Sammz wrote: »

I can't believe the number of people who come on to these threads and put their own spin on the story.

.....

And how controlling has she been by managing to keep you in a relationship you haven't wanted to be in for years?

A perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black, as my Gran used to say.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Mrnidgap

Charis wrote: »

Are you sure you're not just suffering from burnout or depression - or loss of hope given the current economic conditions? Would it help to have a good look at your own life and where you think you could make changes before you leave the security of family life?

You still seem to care for your wife. How will you feel if a couple of years down the line she finds someone else who takes your place, both in her eyes and in your children's? Leaving home won't guarantee that you find happiness in the long term.

My ex OH would be the first to admit that he is no happier now than he was with me. We are still on friendly terms over 20 years later, but his relationships with our children have not been easy. Interestingly, although a couple of my children are now in their 30's and one has children, none has expressed the slightest interest in marriage. Be careful what example you set.

I hope you can work out something that benefits all of you.

I am fine with work my commute is 90 minutes each way. I may regret my actions but I do hope we stay friends. The children will always be number 1, I had a very poor father and I will not be like him. My children and I are very close and that is why I am looking at a flat near home not near work.

Pssst

Heres some guidance for all men and women..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvZHNBOkNA8&feature=related

Its perhaps only our consciences that prevent us from following this simple advice.

daphne_descends

You're 37 with two children and have only now 'worked out what to do with my life'??

I cannot honestly believe people think if the OP was a woman she'd be favoured. Why is it acceptable for men to up and leave the family home and children? Women would be called all sorts of things 'terrible mothers' being the least of them but we are supposed to sympathise with this man? Yeah right.