Leaving Wife

LOUBY28

I hope it all goes well for the OP. You sound like you have tried to make a go of things and have been unhappy for a while.

I love my husband and would be devestated if he no longer loved me, however I would rather know the truth, as to be with someone who no longer wants to be with me and who is staying out of duty is a far more humiliating prospect.

ggugvrunt

I'm in almost the opposite position. I had a drink problem a couple of years ago (ok now though), went into hospital for five months (not connected with the drink) which left me on crutches and unable to work.
As a result my wife of 11 years is divorcing me. I desperately don't want this since we have a three year-old daughter and my wife wants to take her halfway across the country. I don't feel I can object because of the state I got myself into back then (no violence involved).
We are just about surviving on benefits, something I thought I'd never need to do.
She seems to think that a fair split would be for her to get 85% of the house proceeds giving her enough to buy another place outright, then live on benefits herself until the child is 12.
This would effectively leave me unable to buy anywhere (could not get a mortgage) and unable to get benefits because I'd be just above the limit. All I could do is rent a bedsit for a year or so until the money ran out, then claim benefits.
I came into this relationship with my own 4-bedroomed detached house and in a year's time I'll have nothing, and probably only able to see the daughter I love every couple of months.
Nothing seems fair in this life!

elkay115

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You only make others miserable if you're self indulgent and lack self control!

That is a load of rubbish if ever I heard it!!
If a person is miserable then obviously that is going to show and rub off and make others around them miserable too.

Why on earth should anyone, male or female be stuck in a relationship that they don't want to be in anymore. People fall out of love, it happens! And when it does happen then they should leave the person they don't love anymore. Why should they be made to feel guilty because they don't love someone anymore?

It looks to me like the OP, after 21 years married will know whether he loves his wife or not, and if he doesn't then he should leave. It gives him and his wife the chance then to maybe find someone they can be happy with. His wife isn't going to be happy living with someone who doesn't love her, I know I wouldn't!

elkay115

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But not one who leaves her children!

Guess what? If they are going to split up, then ONE of them will have to leave the children. That is part and parcel of a couple with children splitting up.

jockettuk

Why is it when a man comes on looking for a bit of advice people seem to have a go at him, sounds like the marriage is over for what ever reason and he is trying to look after everyone including himself. On another thread a female left her husband came on for a bit of advice on leaving her husband and everyone was aplauding her even me.

When my ex husband and i split it was similar to the ops situation, and i thought oh my god how am i going to cope without him etc, but as soon as he left and i got myself into a routine i found that i didnt love him either and 8 yrs later we both have new relationships that we are happier in and my daughter has moved on with us and accepted she has 2 parents and 2 families oh and 2 lots of christmas and birthday presents lol.

My ex paid the morgage untill I decided it was time for me to move out of the family home and sell even when he got married and i was in another relationship. This meant his daughter didnt have any more upset than needed over the split.

The op wants to know how he can make the split less stressful on his wife and family good on him.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do..

H4ppyasLarry

I am a bit puzzled by the responses to my post about the marriage course.
Someone said, "I can copy and paste too. Shall I fetch an example? A charge sheet maybe?" and someone else thought it was spam. Can someone please explain? My post was genuine, not spam.
thanks