Leaving Wife

Triggles

I want to move on, live on my own and change my whole life. This is not an overnight thing and my wife does know I don't love her but she keeps asking me not to leave her. We have been together since I was 16 and I do care a lot for her but I feel as though I am trapped. We have tried talking and I have tried to love her but I don't and speaking to her or anyone else will not change that. A year ago my plan was to wait another 5 years then go but now I think if I do that I will stray and that will change everything.

Sounds like you already have someone to move on to. Also sounds exactly like a midlife crisis. Sorry, but I call it as I see it. It's the whole "we've been together since we were kids - I didn't get that chance to run free and sow my wild oats" nonsense along with the childish "if I don't leave I'm afraid I may hurt her by having an affair" so that you can make yourself think that you're really doing this for her benefit. How selfish can you be? You want to be single and free, then bemoan the fact that you still have to be saddled with the responsibility of paying for the family home (which you purchased knowing it was a long term thing) and paying for child support (which again when you have children it's pretty much a given that it's a long term responsibility as well).

My vote is still on a troll, a windup, or midlife crisis. Note the OP just joined the site yesterday and he has only posted on this. :rolleyes:

Nitha

If you are still getting along then perhaps an amicable agreement can be arranged. I was under the impression that if you continued to pay for your children's accommodation then child support payments are cut down? Maybe I'm wrong. However why not live close and share custody of the children?

scarlett647

Hi there, this is my first post so be kind!! my sister was in the same position as you and your wife, what she did was up her hours to 16 per week so she was able to claim working family tax credit and then she was able to receive CSA payments, if your wife was able to increase her hours either in her current position or a second job this might be a good option - shouldn't be too difficult with a 12 year old.( However if she stayed on IS I do believe that the CSA would take into consideration the mortgage payments but maybe somebody else could clarify that.) Anyway good luck and i hope everything works out for you.
Linda

Mrnidgap

Some of you read a lot in to a few words. I am not looking to run off with a younger woman, I do not wont to sow my wild oats everywhere, I do not think my wife is past it and believe me this is no cowards option. I looked at this web page for financial advice (as it is a financial web site). I am not moaning at paying for my kids or wife and I am looking to pay far more than I have to. The children are mine and I will always see them right. I may regret it if I leave, I may regret it if I stay only time will tell. Not all men wont to run away. I would ask would some of the same comments be made if the post had been by a woman? I think not! I think some posts on here are clouded by their own experiance.

ben500

Triggles wrote: »

Sounds like you already have someone to move on to. Also sounds exactly like a midlife crisis. Sorry, but I call it as I see it. It's the whole "we've been together since we were kids - I didn't get that chance to run free and sow my wild oats" nonsense along with the childish "if I don't leave I'm afraid I may hurt her by having an affair" so that you can make yourself think that you're really doing this for her benefit. How selfish can you be? You want to be single and free, then bemoan the fact that you still have to be saddled with the responsibility of paying for the family home (which you purchased knowing it was a long term thing) and paying for child support (which again when you have children it's pretty much a given that it's a long term responsibility as well).

My vote is still on a troll, a windup, or midlife crisis. Note the OP just joined the site yesterday and he has only posted on this. :rolleyes:

All fabricated in your own head

Considering the reaction the op is receiving it's hardly surprising that a new id has been created for the post, I suspect that the op is probably a regular user and knows the kind of reception he would get so elected to us an a/e. Seems to me he was right to do so considering some of the slurs that have been posted so far with no basis other than bias. I see no moaning from the op, no attempt to shirk responsibility for his financial obligations as so many seem to be suggesting, just a valid enquiry based on his ability to pay and what the right thing would be to do. What I see is someone exploring the prospects of how best to provide for his family in his absence whilst leaving himself a liveable expense, what good will it do his wife and family if he is financially strained and they receive little or no benefit from it? This man is being condemned if it was a women planning to leave her husband you lot would be crowing for her to bleed him for every penny and condemning him as a wife beater etc etc etc again based on little or no evidence.

ben500

Mrnidgap wrote: »

Some of you read a lot in to a few words. I am not looking to run off with a younger woman, I do not wont to sow my wild oats everywhere, I do not think my wife is past it and believe me this is no cowards option. I looked at this web page for financial advice (as it is a financial web site). I am not moaning at paying for my kids or wife and I am looking to pay far more than I have to. The children are mine and I will always see them right. I may regret it if I leave, I may regret it if I stay only time will tell. Not all men wont to run away. I would ask would some of the same comments be made if the post had been by a woman? I think not! I think some posts on here are clouded by their own experiance.

We cross posted here Mr but your bang on, I've seen it time and time again on here, I hope things work out well for both you and your family, be patient there will be those that will come along with valid suggestions and advice relative to your situation, the steam blowers will have their say and move on to the next victim soon enough.

Triggles

Actually, if it had been a regular poster who had been here awhile, I would have been less inclined to believe it was a windup or a troll. We have had an unusual number of people coming through lately posting just these types of things as a windup.

And sorry, but he IS complaining that he can't afford to pay for the house and child support. But those are both commitments that he may well have to shoulder. There are free legal surgeries for people to ask these types of questions from solicitors, that would be a more logical approach IMO. He did make a point of saying that they'd been together since he was 16 and that he felt trapped. He did say that he felt if he stayed longer he would stray. Perhaps you should reread his posts. Nowhere did he say "gosh, what would be a good way to increase my income or reduce my unnecessary expenses so that I can provide for my child." He was basically saying I can't pay for both - how can I avoid that? And I'm puzzled on the "younger woman" comment - I just said it looked like he might have someone lined up - didn't state anything about a "younger woman".

And if it was a woman with the same story, only reversed, I would say the same thing. So kindly don't assume you know what I would say. My reaction is not coloured by experience as much as a simple lack of respect for someone who lacks responsibility for his actions and seems to be attempting a windup.

Errata

Get yourself a caravan, park it in the drive, live in it and you'll be able to share the childcare and your costs will be minimal.

galvanizersbaby

I don't really get the negative comments about the OP troll or no troll

He is willing to pay a $1000 a month mortgage so that his wife and children can stay in the marital home (which is likely a larger amount than he would have to pay if 'chased by the CSA')
I think what he is saying is he couldn't afford any extra on top of that?!

I'm not sure where the mention of the other woman comes in?

Think some of the comments made here about the OP are totally out of order tbh

ianian99

ben500 wrote: »

All fabricated in your own head

Considering the reaction the op is receiving it's hardly surprising that a new id has been created for the post, I suspect that the op is probably a regular user and knows the kind of reception he would get so elected to us an a/e. Seems to me he was right to do so considering some of the slurs that have been posted so far with no basis other than bias. I see no moaning from the op, no attempt to shirk responsibility for his financial obligations as so many seem to be suggesting, just a valid enquiry based on his ability to pay and what the right thing would be to do. What I see is someone exploring the prospects of how best to provide for his family in his absence whilst leaving himself a liveable expense, what good will it do his wife and family if he is financially strained and they receive little or no benefit from it? This man is being condemned if it was a women planning to leave her husband you lot would be crowing for her to bleed him for every penny and condemning him as a wife beater etc etc etc again based on little or no evidence.

I was just about to say something like that, its the same EVERY time. If its a women posting its "oh, poor you HUGS, take the ba$t@rd" to the cleaners but if its a bloke its " your a ba$t@ard and your wife deserves better"