The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread! Part 2

biscotte

graemecarter wrote: »

If you are on this thread I do think you have issues with drink.

Sorry, graemecarter but honestly I don't care what you think when it is put in such a smug, self righteous and harranging tone.

As we are not you, we are not all going to follow your pattern of behaviour or have the same responses as you nor have the same way of dealing with things, so saying 'I know the score' really does come across as incredibly patronising.

If I wanted to go to an AA meeting and be told I have to accept I'm an alcoholic by a complete stranger I'd go and find one in real life, thanks. As it is I think you are way off the mark.

I may well regret posting this but i am quite cross and I feel really rubbed up the wrong way by your most of your posts - not so much what you way as the way you say it. I know it is difficult when writing to get across the right tone but I think enough people have mentioned it to you for you to get it.

Sorry, am off to make dinner and then watch Life on Mars, so have a good evening folks,

paybacktime2008

Phew....

There are threads on this forum for gambling support. Do I look in there? No. Why? Because although I have played bingo occasionally, done some scrathcards. bet on the national. I have no PROBLEM with gambling. I don't crave to gamble, I don't think about having a flutter every day, playing a game of bingo doesn't quell a hunger in me. I can take it or leave it.

Gambling is not my addiction. Therefore I don't join that thread.

Alcohol is a drug. An addictive one. It also happens to be legal and socially acceptable.....but never forget it is a drug.

I don't think anyone is telling anyone they are an alcoholic, but I think we have to accept that if we didn't have some sort of issue with alcohol we wouldn't be here.

Every smoker is a nicotine addict. If they weren't addicted they wouldn't smoke. I can happily say I am a nicotine addict. I do have problems saying I am alcoholic......the word is so emotive......maybe I am, maybe I'm not but I know I drink too much and thats why I am here.

budget_babe

Hi everyone,

Winebox I will be af today so when you do totals can you please update mine to 6, thankyou also for keeping score, hugs xxx

Biscotte sending you hugs, enjoy life on mars feel like going there myself. xxx

Not having the best of weeks to be honest feeling very upset, but managing to stay af so taking the positive from that.

Anyway take care everyone and have a good weekend.
Love n Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx

Bismarck

was wondering if I should go back though my old posts and see what I wrote last time "alcoholic" came up..then thought I shouldn't need to.

the folks on here are here because they get something out of it. accepting any label is not an entry requirement otherwise the thread would be called something else. I wouldn't accept a label easily and one of the many reasons I stopped going to AA was that I was supposed to say things that made me feel uncomfortable if I wanted to speak up at meetings.

I have thought through the naming thing and I'm simply a "non-drinker"...some may wish to call me something else but that's their issue...I don't drink and that suits me fine....the rest is up to you....

take care folks....

happyshopper

Great post Bismarck. I've even thanked it (and I almost never do that, so am happy for nobody to thank me by the way). I have started experimenting with telling people that I'm "stopping drinking" rather than am "giving up" or "cutting down a bit" (I keep thinking about drinking neat vodka and it's kinda offputting. blimey, perhaps Allen Carr has got to me, I dunno). But I think I'm a non-drinker-in-waiting and I would never describe myself as an alcoholic. Although I don't really mind if somebody that doesn't know me and that I will never meet thinks I am one, if I did, I might just go here: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/profile.html?do=editlist and add them to the ignore list and I would never need to see what they'd written again.

I have the lurgy too, so nowt for me tonight, will be 6/6 in the morn' WB.

Take care all, off to make chorizo stew, yum!

115K

I have fallen off the wagon today. My sis came round and has boyfriend worries and I had a couple of glasses of red with her and she is at the offy now so I thought I would come and admit it.
So sorry only 3/6 please Winebox.:rolleyes:

I think this thread is supportive for the people posting but it also may be helpful for the lurkers who may worry that they have a serious problem with drinking so I think GC's comments could reach some people out there.
I have to say a lot of the things he writes rings true for me even though I'm not at a point where I want to stop drinking completely.

I have said before though that I dont think everyone on this thread is an alcoholic. I know I don't know everyone personally but it seems some people just want to try and curb a bad habit or just try and cut back. There is such a drinking culture in the UK and it is easy to follow the flock and have more than you would want to drink just to keep up.

Anyway, hope everyone is good tonight.:A

fedupandskint

biscotte wrote: »

Sorry, graemecarter but honestly I don't care what you think when it is put in such a smug, self righteous and harranging tone

I AGREE I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC , I like this thread in a supportive reduction and gain control nature and GC LEAVE US TO IT WITHOUT THIS JUDGEMENTAL ATTITUDE YOU HAVE OF US - GET REAL

Everyone else have a lovely night and weekend, I might leave the thread once and for all with this attitude and manage perfectly well on my own.

Esther_McVittie

Please, please nobody leave! I love this thread and I'm here coz drinking had got out of hand - its getting under control now coz of the lovely Lurky and yes, you guys - all of you! I realise we do have different goals - sometimes I feel like a fraud coz I haven't been to the dark places that some of you have - but that doesn't mean I can't understand or care. This thread is about support - which is proven. Keep the faith xxx

Lurkio

fedupandskint wrote: »

I might leave the thread once and for all with this attitude and manage perfectly well on my own.

oh no you don't!!!!

We are all here for essentially the same reason. We want to reduce our alcohol intake. End. No labels. No judgements. If you don't like someone's posting style, don't pay their posts any heed

Different people get different benefits from different posts, but the thread as a whole is beneficial to all.

No one needs to leave :A


please......?

GreyPilgrim

GC can I offer some advice?

When I was a smoker, I loved it. I loved ciggies, I couldn't imagine an hour without them, never mind a lifetime. I thought they were the perfect ending to every occasion and situation, and that nothing was really complete or as 'special' without a ciggy at the end of it. A good meal, a drink, a walk in the park, a tea break, sex, a long drive.

I wouldn't be able to handle stressful situations, I wouldn't be able relax. Everyone who tried to get me to stop was being 'mean' and 'cruel'. I'd do mental calculations about how many hours I was going to stay awake divided by how many cigs I had left, before deciding whether to go to bed earlier or not.

Then I read the Allen Carr book and <click>, I never wanted another cig again. I saw smoking for what it was, and was amazed that I'd ever fooled myself into needing one. It really was as if someone had met me before I'd ever smoked a cigarette and made me promise never to try 'just one drag'..., and I felt on top of the world. I can honesly say it was a real life changing moment for me.

So much so that I really went on the offensive. I told all my smoking friends about it, and basically tried to ram it down their throats. My intentions were nothing but good - I wanted them to realise how easy and PLEASURABLE it was to quit, and told them all their arguments for defending their habits were rubbish.

In short, I became a real pain and alienated a lot of people.

So now I back off, and make casual references to the book if someone mentions they want to stop smoking but then leave it there, because over-zealousness tends to put people off, and also because no two people are the same and what works for Joe Bloggs might not work for John Smith. I don't think there is ever a 'one size fits all' solution for a problem as complex as alcohol abuse / dependency / addiction.

It's obvious that you've had a serious problem with alcohol and then at some point you've had a deeply life changing (and probably life saving) experience via AA and you're eager to share it with the forum, because it worked for you and you want everyone to find peace with their own problems. Thats nothing but admirable .

I just think if I'm honest (and please don't take this the wrong way), you do maybe come across as a little over-zealous sometimes, and maybe people object to someone telling them what they are, that they are in denial, and that the only way they can deal with their problems is if they do A B and C otherwise they are wasting their time.

This is just an observation from a completely unqualifed person GC - I don't make any claim to knowing the right way through any of this and I'm quite prepared to be shouted down for it.

I really hope I haven't offended.

GP