My rags to riches, weight loss, yummy mummy stuff and 'owt else i can think of diary!

retrocircles

It's a fun fascination though! B&Q do the 4 tier growhouses for £22. But I'm sure you can probably find them elsewhere with a little effort. B&Q being 2 streets away I got mine from there & it's been wonderful so far. When it's sunny I really see the difference in my shoots in 24 hours!

I think you're probably fine in moving the strawberries.

ragstoricheswannabe

O.k, have been paid £120 from quidco, now do i pay off some debts with it, put it into an account for clothes and that or buy some mini orchard tree's to bring my shopping bill down later in the year???????????????? what to do, what to do??????

money came out today for my loan so one step closer to paying off over £2k of my debts!!!!!!

ragstoricheswannabe

What makes us suddenly want to clear the debts???? and to what cost???? why suddenly try and change the way we have been living for what may be in the future. is being debt free all its cracked up to be???? is it like thinking that if you lose loads of weight all your problems will disappear????

I have been working all the hours god sends with the thought that the extra money will help pay off the debts, but the cost???
a frazzled mum whose kids see more of the childminder than her and when they do see her she either doesnt have much energy to do anything or is catching up on stuff or getting stuff ready for the next round of days she is at work. a mum who was brought to tears tonight when her ds1 (4 years old) asked why she wasnt smiling tonight and when told it was because mummy had to go back to work tomorrow gave her hug and said dont worry mummy, you will see us one week..............:(

cant sleep tonight as have hundreds of thoughts whizzin round my head, including my mums words which was as blunt as "you are working to much, money isnt everything"

why is it that even though we are managing to pay for everything and pay off more than min on the debts, i still feel the need to complicate things and try and do things faster????
why is it i want to clear the debts so we can save up to buy nice things without being in debt..................i have never been materialistic, but just because i cant have something suddenly makes me want it more.

Can i really keep this up for the 4 or more years it is likely gonna take to clear the debts????

my fella says its needs must as we need the money, he wants us to be able to live comfortably and not have to watch every penny, but will being debt free let us do that????? will we not get used to having a certain amount of money coming in and find it gets "lost" somewhere???? do we always want/need more money coming in no matter how much we earn????

sorry for the rambling and depressive post, sat here in tears by it all. torn between paying off the debts and being a good mum.
Ds2 was poorly over the weekend, but i still plodded on to work even though i had been up with him most of the night as my fella had been looking after him during the days. get no thanks for that at work, just hassle if something isnt done and a heavier workload......... i would love to go for another job, one with less hours but the nhs is a no go (they are trying to close our local hospital slowly) and set days with weekends off. the manager has said that down the line i will be up for the managers role there (she is the area manager for the company as welll as the home manager) which would be great, but how far down the line we talking????? years no doubt..........

think thats all out of my head now, my fella is away tonight and will prob be glad not to have to deal with this emotional wreck.....................they say life is there to try us........well i am finding it very trying at the moment.

please dont be scared off by this.....will be back to my normal self soon as i pull myself together.......
love rags
xxxxxxxxxx

natsplatnat

Good morning Rags!! And firstly..... bless you!! (I wont subject you to the dodgy 'threesome' hug though!! lol)

My heart really goes out to you! As I have no kids of my own (in this case DSS doesn't count... thats the good thing about step-children: they can be yours when you need them or not when you don't - although physically there are always there if that makes any sense!:rotfl:) I know how much my OH misses him though and we have him most weekends and at least one night in the week.

Now - just a thought - Whilst you are feeling a little low and frazzled, would it be worth dropping just one or two of the extra shifts you are doing? Just to get you back to feeling your fabulous self again and spending the time you want with your children. Then, if you want to, increase the shifts again (maybe only for a week or 2) and see how you get on.

Hope you are feeling more like your usual positive self soon. We all have wobbles and there is nothing to stop you revising your situation... be it temporary or permanent. You need to be happy with all aspects, not just debt-busting!

Loadsa love and hugs, Nats x

ps, it will take more than a wobbly deep and meaningful post to put me off (and I think that goes for everyone else too!)

ragstoricheswannabe

Morning everyone!!!!
i have got a blinding headache with all the thinking i have been doing and come to the conclusion that thinking is bad for your health!!!!:D

Thanks for your kind words nat, our rota is done monthly and our manager puts the overtime in herself when doing the rota to cover hols and stuff. It all started when i first went back and one nurse went off sick and another went on holiday for 5 weeks, said that if she was really short i didnt mind helping out doing a few extra shifts so they werent short. I did think it would only be for that month but 3 months later am still doing loads!!!!!

Have been naughty and rang in sick last night, still feeling a little low and just really couldnt face going into work................... now i kinda know how people with depression feel everyday.............my god they do so well just getting out of bed!!!!!

Think i overdid it last week with the 7 shifts in 8 days...................might have a word with the manager when she gets back off her hols saying i dont mind doing extra but can i please not have anymore than 4 days per week. will still give me a little extra to put towards debts, although having the extra £500 to pay off is a nice feeling. Need to realise that i cant have it all eh???

have started doing my daily scratchcards again, thinking the free money will come in handy if i cut my hours down a little........... but still havent got round to listing on ebay. thinking of doing that when i have my 2 weeks holidays...........

its free bingo for 2 hours on the st minivers site, dont normally play but its free!!!!! wish me luck.................

ragstoricheswannabe

2 blumming hours of free bingo and nothing!!!!!! i am officially jinxed!!!

prophecy_grrl

Awh rags, your post made me cry! I hope you're feeling better today, I hate to think of you feeling so down, especially whilst you were home alone.

You're clearly a fab mum whose kids come first, not work. It's not the old days now where women were all stay at home mums, most of us have to go back to work now or the family wouldn't make it. We all have these rubbish days, the importnat thing is to keep on going xx

Well done on taking a sickie, you sound like you needed some time to recover. Take care xxx

ragstoricheswannabe

Thank you prophecy, i am getting there. Been talking to my fella this morning which has helped in some ways and not in others.

He is going to give me the massive hug i need when he gets home, but also thinks i should just suck it up and get on with things (thats how his family do it) just keeps saying how great it will be when the debts are payed, but the minute i mention his cd and coffee buying he just tells me not to go on at him!!!!! does feel sometimes that i am the one making all the sacrifices yet he wants me to carry on working like a dog to get debt free................................ think he forgets that even though he works 12-15 hours a day, he finishes sometime in the afternoon, i am up just 2 hours after him but not getting in till gone 9 some nights.

arghhhhhh, sorry, another ramble!!!!!!

think i either need some happy pills of a kick up the behind (or both)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

retrocircles

Oh dear. Rags I can't say I know what it's like, as I don't have any children, but you're a wonderful Mum who is bettering her life, and her children's lives by doing this! You really are. Imagine what life will be like when you have no debt, you are working normal hours, and you can do nice things without that feeling of guilt in the back of your mind. That's what gets me through this now. Every spend while I've got debt shouldn't happen. Getting guilty feelings when you spend £10 here and there is a horrible thing. I can't wait for it to be over!

LittleEmms

Hi Rags..

I've only just found your diary - I'm sorry to hear you're having a down week ... I have to agree with Retro and Prophecy - you're clearly doing all you can and in my opinion - very well!!

In answer to your OH and his family's 'suck it up' motto - you usually find those people seem to get through things for years and years - but it usually bites them in the backside just when you're not expecting it!!! Its much healthier mind wise to deal with stuff as and when it happens and its ok to get down about things now and again...

Perhaps on the coffee and CD thing you could try the demotivator tool.. shocked me when I put in latte's and how much I use to spend on those ... :eek: