Not Quite Rock bottom

Mupeteer

!!!!!!!!. Now I feel even worse. My neice has just sent a text asking if I'm going round. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Buffythedebtslayer

Can you go round for a bit and come home?

xx

Mupeteer

I could but TBH I can't be arsed with seeing BIL. I'm so tearful right now anyway that I'd probably start crying the minute I got there and I hate being upset in front of people.

In_Search_Of_Me

hope youre ok...at the end of the day you need to look after you...can understand why you dont feel like being sociable...a huge effort when you eel naff. Heres to saying goodbye 2008 and hello a brand new 2009!!

Mupeteer

Off to bed now. Nytol and wine are working so I'de better climb into bed before I fall on the floor!

Let's hope the New Year is better for all of us.

Buffythedebtslayer

Love you lots Mupeteer

I have the same hopes,
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Mupeteer

I didn't think it was possible to feel any worse but I was wrong.

About an hour ago there was a knock at my door. I was still in bed and didn't want to see anyone anyway so I ignored it. Turned out to be my sister and her family and they wouldn't go away, kept knocking on the door, calling my phone and shouting to the dog. Talk about not taking a hint. So eventually I answered it, looking and feeling like !!!!. As I did the dog ran off past them. Wonderful! Just what I needed.

I know I was really short with them and I basically told them they had to leave as I had to pretend I was going for a walk as it's the only way to get the dog back. So now I'm looking and feeling like crap in public. I got the dog back eventually at least but now I feel terrible for the way I was to my sister and her family, my neices especially.

I'm so tired of everything being a struggle. And I wosh people would just stay away from me when I'm like this.

I know this is the worng place for all this stuff. It's supposed to be about money problems but I don't know where else to go.

In_Search_Of_Me

aww mupateer...hugs for you. Can you have a chat to your sister to tell her honestly how you are feeling and what a struggle life is for you at the moment. I suspect that they came just wanting to cheer you up, not realising how low you feel...dont forget also that the samaritans are always at the end of the phone to have a chat with - sometimes just talking it through with someone independent helps...linky here for you...

http://www.samaritans.org/?gclid=CNzGgLzM7ZcCFUsa3godPzjXBg

Please, please will you go to the gp when they open? This is more than feeling a bit low and being honest I am surprised that GP suggested coming off anti-depressants at Christmas because its a very stressful time generally for all....

Hope that the walk did you good and helped you to think a bit more clearly...how are you for food etc?

Keeping_Positive

more (((hugs))) from me Mupeteer you definately do have a run of bad luck at the moment. I think your sis is concerned and trying to help. How about a short text to her apologising and saying things are tough but that you would like to talk to her when you are ready if thats ok?

Ditto about the GP, try to get an emergency apointment tomorrow you sound very low and having been there before I think a brief chat to GP and some anti ds are needed to help give you a boost. Its not failure just another source of help.

If you want to chat just PM me and Ill be there for you xx

Mupeteer

I will definitely be going back to see my GP but they don't open until Monday and I go back to uni then but I'll sort soemthing out. I can't go on like this anyway, too many dark thoughts lately.

My BF is trying to be supportive but as he has never known anyone with depression he has no idea what it is like so his support is along the lines of, "stop doing this to yourself." I know he means well but I've had to tell him he isn't helping.

I'm going to write a letter to my sister explaining how I fell at the moment. I can't face talking about it so I think that's the best way to go.

I suppose I should also go and eat something. Haven't had anything all day. Was supposed to go to my step-dad's for dinner but couldn't face that either and, guess what, I feel really bad for letting him down.