Not Quite Rock bottom

In_Search_Of_Me

Good that you will go to gp - have you checked they are not open tom? Its an odd week this week....very bitty! Good idea to write to sis...maybe do the same to other close people and explain that you just dont feel you can cope at the moment but you will then need to allow them to support you...maybe if you tell them what would help so theres no awkwardness and wondering what to do? Hang in there...things will get better....just put one foot in front of the other at the mo....

Mupeteer

I checked to see if my GPs surgery was open today but it wasn't. It seems that someone high up (and in good health) decided that all surgeries in Scotland would be closed for 4 days over each of Christmas and New Year. What a good idea!!!!

Anyway, I wrote the letter to my sister this morning and cried while I was writing it, then she sent me a text and I cried, spoke to my step-dad and cried, spoke to my BF and cried. Can anyone spot at theme?

I've also written to Vodafone today to complain about the rubbish service and the fact that they're not providing me with the service I'm paying for. I've told them that I want to cancel the rest of my contract and that if they wont I'll be referring it to OFCOM. Fingers crossed.

My car insurance company are screwing me around. Despite the fact that I spoke to 2 different people on Wednesday and told them both who my car is being repaired by and telling them they just need to call and the garage will send them the estimate, the insurance company left a message on my machine today asking if I've had an estimate done yet. GRRRR!!! Too tired, tearful and annoyed to deal with it today though. Maybe Monday.

In_Search_Of_Me

Well done for doing all the letters and having a good cry...its important that people know how youre feeling so they can support you and better out than in in terms of crying! Can you do something ice like have a nice bath with some bubbles (shower gel does the same!) and just spend the evening relaxing...nothing else you can do about the car so try and enjoy the weekend and get some rest...hugs for you...am thinking of you.

fletch3163

Hi again

Am so sorry to hear things haven't improved any.

This time of year is especially hard I think because people have such expectations for the festive season. One is supposed to feel all warm and fuzzy towards fellow man (as if!) at Christmas time. Then at Hogmanay etc there's this stupid "it's not the same as it used to be" but, if anyone would care to look back over the years it wasn't fun even then. Nostalgia makes things better than they truly were. Oh God, listen to me, high horsing it!

I too am glad you had a cry. It's a strange thing, the release of crying. It can't be good to bottle it up. I understand that you don't like people to see you upset but sometimes it has merit, don't you think?

I truly hope you're able to take control of your world in 2009. According to Jonathan Cainer, if you do some positive affirmations (ie no don't smoke, quit drinking, stop overeating but positive stuff like I WILL learn the guitar, I will get healthier, etc) at this time (something to do with Venus being visual or something ) then you can achieve it.

zerocool237

Mupeteer, i'm really sorry to read of youre situation at the moment!

Going back to when it was disscussed about taking the car off road, is that still not a possibility? couldnt you get a student buspass? something i used to do aswell was ride to work even in this type of weather, so do you have access to a push bike?

I havent seen what type of car you have but if it has value could you not sell it on and find someting cheaper to run? also, its a big step but could youre BF move in and share the living costs?

Mupeteer

Putting the car off the road isn't really an option. From where I live it would take hours and several changes to get to uni. Also, I need it for when I'm on placement as some of them are out in the back of beyond. I am limiting how much I use it though so hopefully that will help. I've also decided that whenever I stay at my BFs house and have uni the next day I will give the walking bit a try. About 3/4 of an hour but it'll do me good.

My BF and I haven't really been together long enough to consider moving in (a mistake I've made in the past:o ) so that's not really an option.

I've had a look on the job centre site today and there are a couple of jobs that look ok and as if they might fit around uni and placement. I'll get onto them on Monday so fingers crossed.

Another job I've got to do on Monday is go back to see student finance (if they can be bothered opeining when they say they will:mad: ). Looks like Monday will be a busy one.

In_Search_Of_Me

Just to sa hope today is going ok...thinking of you

Buffythedebtslayer

Sorry hon haven't seen you diary much and suddenly there it is!

holidays= rough feelings. and it would seem the depression gets worse around such times, its very hard to keep going when all you want to do is stay in bed.

I baked a cake today, made me feel better! although the last few days I can't shake this feeling of well, pain i guess? I am going to take my sleeping pills again since being really tired constantly doesn't help.

Its seems from your last few posts are doing stuff and you know what is going on so that is good.

guilt is a fairly pointless feeling especially when its over things that you have no control over.

just really say ing hello and am thinking of you

off for a nap now!

xxxx

Mupeteer

Hey guys, tonight hasn't been great. I've decided I have to give up my dog. She has a tendency to run away and did it again today. She is more than I can handle and really needs a home with loads of open space and really high fences. It's a decision that is really breaking my heart but that I am sure is for the best. We took her to the beach today and it took nearly 2 hours for her to come back. In my mental state I can't take that and I feel she needs better than I can provide.

I know this will really hurt for the next few weeks but have to think of what is best for both of us.

I also spoke to my sister today and ended up in floods of tears . I'm going
to see them tomorrow as I want to speak to my nieces and apologise to them in person (already have done by text) as I need themto know what is going on. According to my sister that is already a good thing, one better than my mum ever did and she suffered from depression all her life. I'm dreading it but I have to. I'd hate to damage the relationship I have with my neices as they are probably the most important people in my life.

pania

mupeteer hon, would you like some advice on trianing your dog or help with her? more than happy to help where i can and give you some guidance, even visit if needs be. its a problem that can easily be rectified awith a minimum of fuss. just need to establish that you are leader.
I know how much you care for her. lets see if we can resolve it as she is good for you. PM me if i can help. lots of love. xxx