Getting OH to propose - and think it's his idea!

[Deleted User]

Why don't men propose? Because they're happy how the relationship is.. Proposing takes effort, which we don't like to exert. It also forces us to be 'romantic' (romance has been defined by Hollywood, not regular people).

It took a 'chat' from my (now) father-in-law to kick me into gear.

skintchick

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Why don't men propose? Because they're happy how the relationship is.. Proposing takes effort, which we don't like to exert. It also forces us to be 'romantic' (romance has been defined by Hollywood, not regular people).

It took a 'chat' from my (now) father-in-law to kick me into gear.

Were you living with your OH? would you have been more likely to propose if she wouldn;t live with you unless you were married or engaged?

Jo_R_2

shellsuit wrote: »

Eeek, my God women, give the guy a chance! :rotfl: :rotfl:

I'm sure he will propose when he's good and ready to. If I were you I'd want him to propose because he wants to propose, not because I'd put ideas in his head.

There's nothing stopping you asking him, even if he is traditional and don't forget the huge discussions you would have because you won't take his surname

Hahahahaha! I'm blaming it on... hormones! :rotfl:

I do know he wants to get married (despite all the protestations about who's going to be called what:D), I know he wants it to be him doing the asking (something to do with a little comment he made last week about how if a woman proposed it would be like the last shred of his manhood evaporating LOL!), and that he thinks a proposal should be really special because it's so important to the woman, but he hasn't thought of how he would do it...

And I do want him to propose because he wants to, I know he thinks about it (interestingly he brings it up quite a bit) so I guess it's kind of getting it to be be MORE of a thought than just a nice idea...

I read a hilarious article a while ago about how if you wanted to get your man to propose, the way to do it was to go to the opposite extreme of stuff that's been suggested and make him think you completely and utterly think marriage is a really bad idea and it ruins your relationship... Supposedly it's meant to make you all unobtainable and we know how men like a challenge (sometimes!)

skintchick

Sounds to me like he's thinking about it anyway. Give him time. He will probably surprise you. My OH was going to wait till we'd been together six months (he has since told me but I guessed this anyway as I know hom so well) but after four months we were in Paris and he just couldn't help himself.

I'm sure your OH will do it once he's planned how to make it special.

Mrs_P_Pincher

After I moved in with him my OH mentioned marriage on a couple of occasions but never followed through. Then it all went quiet. I took him out into the country and told him that I was disappointed that he had never said any more and also that as I had been caught out before he knew I wouldn't sell my house so we could use the money to do up his house unless we were. Four days later he was in a really strange mood and I thought he was going to end it - instead he proposed, we got married 6 months later and have been married now for nearly 5 years. Best thing we ever did - well that's what I keep telling him!

Don't get emotional - just tell him what you want from the relationship. If he thinks you mgiht bail out if he doesn't deliver - and that bothers him enough - he'll deliver.

I've seen too many of my friends hanging on through their 20s and 30s waiting for the proposal that never comes. Eventually it all falls apart and then by the time they meet someone else they are too old to have children.

Go girl!

Mrs P P

gymfiend

skintchick wrote: »

Well, my advice usually would be don;t move in with them until you have a proposal AND a wedding date!

I refused to live with my OH before we we married, which meant it focussed his mind. Oh, and I also wouldn;t have sex with him beforehand! so he knew that if he wanted me he had to marry me - and that DOES work!

I have afriends living with guys and they cannot get a proposal cos the guy has everything he wants already, and one of those girls is engaged - but has been for ten years so it's not really an engagement. They will never get married and she is gutted.

I already do live with him We're married in every respect but name...everything is shared etc, but I think it's nice to share a name I have however told him that there will be no children before marriage, unless he wants them to have my name and no this SO maybe that will kick him into gear one day!!!

The sex thing...the older I get the more I actually believe that, sex should be for marriage...but hey...tread too far down that track to turn back!!!

vixarooni

My boyfriend and i have been going out for 3 years now, living together for a year.

No ring on my finger yet!!

But good luck, i think you just gotta drop big hints, if all else fails theres another feb 29th or whatever the date is in about 2 or 3 years isnt there? hehe

[Deleted User]

skintchick wrote: »

Were you living with your OH? would you have been more likely to propose if she wouldn;t live with you unless you were married or engaged?

haha, yes. We were essentially living like a married couple. So why upset things?

Yes, i think i'd have proposed earlier if we'd not lived together. I'm glad we did spend time getting used to each other before getting hitched though.

It sounds like he might propose soon anyway.. He may be planning something and you don't know it. Don't spoil things by pushing him...

fay144

skintchick wrote: »

Well, my advice usually would be don;t move in with them until you have a proposal AND a wedding date!

I refused to live with my OH before we we married, which meant it focussed his mind. Oh, and I also wouldn;t have sex with him beforehand! so he knew that if he wanted me he had to marry me - and that DOES work!

My advice would be the opposite! What if you ended up married to someone who expected you to clean up after them and make him ten cups of tea a day? I really don't think you can truely know if you are compatible with someone until you have lived with them.

(I was with my OH for over 6 years before he proposed, but we couldn't have afforded to get married any earlier than that, and I don't see the point of being engaged unless you are planning the wedding).

beccam

For me after dropping many many hints and asking how long did he think it would be before we were married etc etc....I got fed up, one day I said did he want to go shopping and while we were out I stopped at every jewelers window and gazed longingly at rings pointing out ones I liked. Then we came to a window and there was a ring I really liked and it was reduced in price, OH's eyes lit up at that and I suggested we should go in and have a look, I tried on the ring and admired it, oohed and aahed and then we left, I was rather disappointed he still hadn't proposed and he was just laughing about it all. 2 weeks later he took me out for dinner and produced the ring, he'd gone back and got it later that day. Was our 5th wedding anniversary on Sat past.