Getting OH to propose - and think it's his idea!

Jo_R_2

I think roxalana was talking about something else her friend mentioned that was part of her OH's plan to propose that she knew was supposed to be part of her holiday - if I understood right?!

roxalana

Yes Jo - that's right. But the thing that was supposed to be there wasn't there and neither was the proposal.

I've got real back from hol blues and I think this is a big part of it. I have been snapping at him all day.

Mme.Hibou

What was the thing that was supposed to be there, but wasn't?

Have you tried talking about weddings and stuff with him?

roxalana

A pedalo!

And we have talked about weddings - he knows what date he wants to get married, what he wants to wear, even what sort of table decs he wants. He just says he wants the proposal to be special.

This was all well and good when 2010 was many years in the future but now the date we had in mind is little over a year away. Three years ago waiting was abit of a tease but now I'm really fed up. The date he has in mind is a weekday in the school hols as it is a special date for us and I'm worried if we don't send save the dates a year in advance people won't be able to make it. Many of our friends are teachers and make their school hol plans well in advance.

He assures me he hasn't changed his mind but I can't help feeling like maybe he is seeing if there is someone better out there and if I'm not good enough after 9 years I suspect I never will be.

blonde36er

roxalana wrote: »

A pedalo!

And we have talked about weddings - he knows what date he wants to get married, what he wants to wear, even what sort of table decs he wants. He just says he wants the proposal to be special.

This was all well and good when 2010 was many years in the future but now the date we had in mind is little over a year away. Three years ago waiting was abit of a tease but now I'm really fed up. The date he has in mind is a weekday in the school hols as it is a special date for us and I'm worried if we don't send save the dates a year in advance people won't be able to make it. Many of our friends are teachers and make their school hol plans well in advance.

He assures me he hasn't changed his mind but I can't help feeling like maybe he is seeing if there is someone better out there and if I'm not good enough after 9 years I suspect I never will be.

I think that if he has said that he hasn't changed his mind and that he talks quite openly about your marriage then just relax - instead of thinking you're not good enough after 9 years, you should be thinking that you're clearly good enough for him to want to be with you for 9 years - that's quite a long time! The box (which we are assuming is the ring) is a good sign - why would he buy a ring if you weren't good enough?

He probably wants it to be a surprise, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment if you try and anticipate it! For all you know he's in the middle of arranging a lovely proposal for you, and you're being crabby with the poor boy! Maybe he's gutted that the pedaloes weren't there and is now desperately wondering where he's going to find a pedalo back home so that he can pop the question!

Me and my OH work in schools as well so I understand how important it is to want to 'get in early' with save the dates etc but honestly we actually found that six months or less would have been ample for most people so don't worry that he's leaving it too late x

roxalana

Thanks Blonde

I bit the bullet and just said to him that I felt a fool as I thought he was planning to propose on the hol. He said that I shouldn't worry as he has a plan and that he could propose right now if I really wanted but it wouldn't be special. I said that I realise that the planning of the proposal is a big deal for him and for that reason I am happy to wait but that when I had thought about waiting when we initially talked about us getting married and what sort of wedding we wanted etc, I hadn't really anticipated waiting nearly 4 years for the proposal!

blonde36er

roxalana wrote: »

Thanks Blonde

I bit the bullet and just said to him that I felt a fool as I thought he was planning to propose on the hol. He said that I shouldn't worry as he has a plan and that he could propose right now if I really wanted but it wouldn't be special.

I'm glad you've talked. When he asks, we want full details

Jo_R_2

roxalana wrote: »

Thanks Blonde

I bit the bullet and just said to him that I felt a fool as I thought he was planning to propose on the hol. He said that I shouldn't worry as he has a plan and that he could propose right now if I really wanted but it wouldn't be special. I said that I realise that the planning of the proposal is a big deal for him and for that reason I am happy to wait but that when I had thought about waiting when we initially talked about us getting married and what sort of wedding we wanted etc, I hadn't really anticipated waiting nearly 4 years for the proposal!

I think it was right (for you) to ask. However now as he's made it very clear he's a) wanting to propose and b) has actively thought about it and c) from that made a plan which he obviously intends to carry out, I'd continue the waiting - even though it's a real killer when you're expecting/hoping for it very soon!

I too was desperate to get that proposal (LOL - I think everyone knows that from this thread!) and although when my OH did ask I was over the moon, and he is totally fine as it came from the heart, even though it wasn't the big proposal he'd thought about, I do still think, well, what if I had waited and not pressed him for it (or talked about it every day LOL!)

I reckon it'll be great when he does and I really don't think it'll be that far away from what you've told us here, honestly I don't.

blonde36er

I believe congratulations are in order for Roxalana...we need details now woman! :beer::j:D

roxalana

Tee hee - I had to wait to reply til he wasn't sat next to me - he would kill me if he found my posts on this thread!

He took me to a lake in a beautiful town nearby and we fed the ducks (I have a thing about feeding ducks - esp. baby ones!). Apparently we had gone there because he had searched online and it was supposed to have pedaloes (which it didn't) and rowing boats (which it did but the boat hire place wasn't open even though the web said it was!). We went for a walk in the woods around the lake (and fed more ducks) and he asked me to marry him!

He did offer to get down on one knee but it was pretty muddy so I said he didn't have to!

I welled up but I didn't actually cry!

It was perfect and he said that our discussion had made it easier to ask because otherwise he would have only thought about his plan being scuppered because of the boats and not considered how perfect the day was anyway.

I'm dead glad I didn't look in the box though cos he would have known in an instant I had seen the ring - he had got me an adjustable silver band and had it engraved with 'I.O.U a ring' which I think is a genius idea!

*beam*

I have however, hassled him a lot in the last few days (the above happened wednesday) - we have been ring shopping (and I've almost chosen, just awaiting a second quote which should come through on Tuesday) and I have got him to agree on a date (9/8/10 -our 10th anniversary)! I didn't want to wait another 9 years!

We have also agreed that I will pretty much plan everything (as I like planning and he doesn't). I am going to do the legwork and then give him a choice of 2 or 3! I figured it was sensible to make each of our expectations clear from the start! When it was his birthday I took him with me to look at pubs for his party - we looked at 3, he was bored after the first one and picked the third one as it was the only one within budget and because he couldn't bear to look at anymore!