Getting OH to propose - and think it's his idea!

skintchick

Jo_R wrote: »

Gads skintchick, the more I read your posts, the more romantic the "traditional" way sounds! Think I'm a lost cause in the sense of doing things in the right order now though - no redeeming me LOL!

Think the most I can hope for as traditional goes is for him to do the proposing... Oh and change my surname to his... Hang on a min... Not sure I'm totally with this traditional "ness"

If you get married people will call your Mrs X anyway! I chose to stay Ms but almost everyone calls me Mrs - the bank, the doctor, etc., no matter what I say about being Ms. They think I've missed the 'r' out! :rotfl:

Iv'e kinda given up now as OH has agreed my original surname will be a middle name for the children and I'm cool with that.

I'm glad you think we were romantic though

hayley11

Starting to think the traditional way might have been a bit more straightforward now!!

We were talking and decided we might get married early next year. Ok fine. A few days later he said something about us only being engaged for 2 months. So I asked if that meant he was going to propose in December, he said maybe. (so much for being spontaneous!!) I then said it would be hard to plan a wedding in Gretna Green (where we've decided to get married) in two months, it's obviously very busy up there! He then suggested I start planning the wedding NOW. Without being engaged. Is he for real?? Men!! I told him to get lost anyway! I said propose whenever you are going to and we'll see what happens from there!! :rotfl:

Anyway just thought i'd share because it made me laugh!!

Little_Chicken

hayley11 wrote: »

Starting to think the traditional way might have been a bit more straightforward now!!

We were talking and decided we might get married early next year. Ok fine. A few days later he said something about us only being engaged for 2 months. So I asked if that meant he was going to propose in December, he said maybe. (so much for being spontaneous!!) I then said it would be hard to plan a wedding in Gretna Green (where we've decided to get married) in two months, it's obviously very busy up there! He then suggested I start planning the wedding NOW. Without being engaged. Is he for real?? Men!! I told him to get lost anyway! I said propose whenever you are going to and we'll see what happens from there!! :rotfl:

Anyway just thought i'd share because it made me laugh!!

Maybe that WAS him proposing - and you've now missed the boat.:p:p:p

hayley11

Little_Chicken wrote: »

Maybe that WAS him proposing - and you've now missed the boat.:p:p:p

:eek: Oh my god don't tell me that!! :rotfl: :rotfl: Nah he knows better than that, he's promised me a very romantic lovey dovey proposal

Jo_R_2

hayley11 wrote: »

:eek: Oh my god don't tell me that!! :rotfl: :rotfl: Nah he knows better than that, he's promised me a very romantic lovey dovey proposal

Hehe OH says he plans a big proposal - not sure what he's got in mind... Though had to laugh at your OH telling you to start planning without a proposal - in a way sounds as though the getting married is a given so in that way it's good as that's what you want!

I'm envisaging huge arguments and more "discussions" about getting married when we go and register baby as I know OH is going to be angry/upset when I stick to my guns and say baby's going to have my surname...

Pee

I'm not suggesting it - mainly because it sounds like you have a lovely relationship where you talk about things and don't play games - but when I got together with my boyfriend we both said we didn't want to get married. Me for legal, practical reasons - it's just not sensible - and him because he had been talked into getting married before, took it very seriously only for her to divorce him. Once bitten, very, very shy. I still mean that I don't want to get married, but every so often he tells me that he has changed his mind and would love to marrry me or describes me as his wife on occasion when it is just easier to or beams when people call me his surname.

Logically he still agrees it would be silly to get married, that people don't work at a relationship once they are married, that we are happy as we are etc etc but I think it is the challenge that makes him think about it.

Dinah93

Similar to you Hayley, I was talking with my OH in bed last night about our day, and I was telling him I'd transfered £500 over to the house deposit saver. OH asks 'What are we doing about savings for the wedding?' to which my answer was 'that'd be a bit presumptuous love, you haven't asked me!'. Poor lad looked confused and then made a joke about knowing he'd missed a step! He did ask me on the spur of the moment 5 months ago, and I thought he was joking, guess it's still on his mind though.

I have to disagree about making less effort in a marriage than with a partner. I would work a lot harder if an issue came up with my husband than with my boyfriend. My husband is a man I swore before God to be there for better or worse for life, boyfriends can be replaced! The legal side of things, not certain what you are refering to, might be different if one side has a business or large savings etc, but I would want my life partner to be my legal next of kin, my financial equal, and to inherit my stuff tax free when I go (not overly romantic, but true).

hayley11

Dinah93 wrote: »

Similar to you Hayley, I was talking with my OH in bed last night about our day, and I was telling him I'd transfered £500 over to the house deposit saver. OH asks 'What are we doing about savings for the wedding?' to which my answer was 'that'd be a bit presumptuous love, you haven't asked me!'. Poor lad looked confused and then made a joke about knowing he'd missed a step! He did ask me on the spur of the moment 5 months ago, and I thought he was joking, guess it's still on his mind though.

I have to disagree about making less effort in a marriage than with a partner. I would work a lot harder if an issue came up with my husband than with my boyfriend. My husband is a man I swore before God to be there for better or worse for life, boyfriends can be replaced! The legal side of things, not certain what you are refering to, might be different if one side has a business or large savings etc, but I would want my life partner to be my legal next of kin, my financial equal, and to inherit my stuff tax free when I go (not overly romantic, but true).

I completely agree with you. I have been married before and we split up shortly afterwards but we shouldn't have ever got married, was the biggest mistake of my life.

When I marry my OH I will do everything in my power to make sure we are together forever and I will be so proud to be his wife and will take that very seriously. We've had some very hard times already, he's had to live with me suffering with severe depression and he was so strong and took care of me and he's still only 23! I can't ever imagine being without him though, he's my bestest friend (that's his name in my phone! ) in the whole world and i'd be lost without him. Oooh where did all that soppyness come from?? :rolleyes: Apologies!! :rotfl: :rotfl:

Loopy_Girl

Dinah93 wrote: »

Is your OH aware that legally he has next to no rights over his own child? Despite your baby biologically being his, he will not be able to take it to the doctors for injections for example, and any permission forms for school will always have to also be counter signed by yourself. If the worst were to happen and you were to break up, he would have very few rights of access. Has your OH considered what is best for the family he is forging, this isn't a simple naming issue, even if he were to marry you now, legally he would need to adopt his own child once you were married to be afforded the same rights as yourself under the law (my OH trained in family law, he gave me this spiel reading the thread last night!). There is a reason for the traditional family unit besides a woman having her 'dream day', once you bring children into the equation I believe both parents should have equal rights to their own child, however the way the law is weighted is nessisary to protect single mothers and their children in difficult situations.

Sorry but that's a load of nonsense. As soon as his name is on the birth certificate he will have PR and he will NOT have to adopt his own baby. In fact fathers from pre 2003 (which is when automatic PR was given to fathers whether the parents were married or not if they attended the birth registration) don't adopt their own babies either. They apply for PR and providing there is no objection from the Mother then it will be granted. All done by post, no stress and no adopting going on.

Without being rude I think your OH should get his head back in his books before he gives you more incorrect information.

The only people who adopt children these days are stepfather/mothers or people who are adopting children unknown to them. The days of natural parents having to adopt their own children is long gone.

Jo_R_2

Well... can't believe I'm actually going to say this but it looks like... I'm engaged!

Yesterday we were chatting about baby names and he suggested he picks first name and baby has my surname. I said would that mean eventually baby would end up having both his names picked by daddy, to which he said yes

I asked (somewhat bravely as I didn't want him to think I was going on about it every day!) what was happening and we had a huge in-depth discussion about what he thought, what I thought and what was happening with us right now. His plans centred around us moving house (we're looking at places now as we desperately need more room!) then once we were settled, getting engaged and then married, in the space of the year after we moved :eek:

I said that sounded fine, but (again bravely!) said if he had that timescale in mind, why couldn't we get engaged now then plan the wedding later when he wanted to anyway? He said again as he'd said before that he wanted to be settled first so I shrugged and said I understood, as he went on to say again about how he wanted to plan a big proposal...

Anyway later on in the evening he made some flippantly bossy comment, finishing by calling me his wifey, to which I made the usual comment of, "but I'm not your wife, I'm your girlfriend!" He said but I would be his wife one day, I said again jokingly that he had to ask me and I had to say yes before that happened (I swear this is like a sketch we've rehearsed hundreds of times!), and he said what would I say if he asked me, I said why didn't he ask me and then he'd find out, and he grabbed hold of me, sat me down and got down on one knee and asked me!

Of course I had no idea if he was serious - not that he's done that before I should add! He just knelt there whilst I kept asking if he was serious, he said yes, of course, he'd thought about what we were talking about earlier and thought the engagement would be a lovely way to see our way into a new house together as a family then planning to get married once we'd moved, like it was a foundation for our future plans...!

So the ring he bought for me to wear ages ago is now swapped to my left hand. I suspect at some point I'll get a new ring and a "proper" proposal but I was never fixated on a huge proposal, that was more what he thought!

Woohoo!