Getting OH to propose - and think it's his idea!

sunshinejoclaire

Jo_R I can totally understand giving your baby your surname not his.

I told my OH very early on in our relationship that I would only give my children the same surname as me, be that a maiden or married name.

For one thing, why should I do all that work and give a baby someone elses name As it is we decided about 18 months go not to try until after the wedding, mainly because we always wanted a fabulous honeymoon where we could do many things we could talk about forever more

Jo_R_2

sunshinejoclaire wrote: »

Jo_R I can totally understand giving your baby your surname not his.

I told my OH very early on in our relationship that I would only give my children the same surname as me, be that a maiden or married name.

For one thing, why should I do all that work and give a baby someone elses name As it is we decided about 18 months go not to try until after the wedding, mainly because we always wanted a fabulous honeymoon where we could do many things we could talk about forever more

That's kind of what I think... although it has been put to me thatthe woman gets to have the privilege of carrying the baby for 9 months which kind of excludes the man therefore giving him the name makes him feel part ofit sort of thing... The way I see it with my DDs is that I have brought them up so it annoys me now that they have their dad's surname (as well as mine) but that's a whole other story, but you can kind of see why that makes me cautious about surnames.

Dinah93

Is your OH aware that legally he has next to no rights over his own child? Despite your baby biologically being his, he will not be able to take it to the doctors for injections for example, and any permission forms for school will always have to also be counter signed by yourself. If the worst were to happen and you were to break up, he would have very few rights of access. Has your OH considered what is best for the family he is forging, this isn't a simple naming issue, even if he were to marry you now, legally he would need to adopt his own child once you were married to be afforded the same rights as yourself under the law (my OH trained in family law, he gave me this spiel reading the thread last night!). There is a reason for the traditional family unit besides a woman having her 'dream day', once you bring children into the equation I believe both parents should have equal rights to their own child, however the way the law is weighted is nessisary to protect single mothers and their children in difficult situations.

shellsuit

Dinah93 wrote: »

Is your OH aware that legally he has next to no rights over his own child? Despite your baby biologically being his, he will not be able to take it to the doctors for injections for example, and any permission forms for school will always have to also be counter signed by yourself. If the worst were to happen and you were to break up, he would have very few rights of access. Has your OH considered what is best for the family he is forging, this isn't a simple naming issue, even if he were to marry you now, legally he would need to adopt his own child once you were married to be afforded the same rights as yourself under the law (my OH trained in family law, he gave me this spiel reading the thread last night!). There is a reason for the traditional family unit besides a woman having her 'dream day', once you bring children into the equation I believe both parents should have equal rights to their own child, however the way the law is weighted is nessisary to protect single mothers and their children in difficult situations.

Eh? I thought that was not the case any longer. (Since 2002/03 I think, someone correct me if I'm wrong)

I could have sworn I'd read that so long as Daddy is named on the birth certificate, he will have just as many rights as Mummy as they both get parental responsibility.

jamespir

Jo_R wrote: »

Okay, I can't believe I am going to say this but here goes...

Me and OH have been together about a year and a half.
Any tips on how I can get the idea in his head and make him think it was his idea?

dont want to put a damper on the fireworks but dont yuo think youre rushing into things i have been with my partner for 7 years nearly and we have two kids and marraige is the last thing on our minds at the mo he also might not want to get married and if you push him into proposing then he could kinda off hold that against yoiu if things went wrong

Jo_R_2

Hi Dinah

I am familiar with parental responsibility issues as me and my DDs' father weren't married. However (and I may be mistaken so please feel free to correct me!) since 2003, if the father attends the registering of the birth and his details are thus put on the birth certificate, he then acquires the PR through this. My ex took DD1 for vaccinations by himself for example - I think you are discussing the circumstances pre-2003?

jamespir - I guess it's different for everyone. My realisation throughout this has been I'd not really thought about marriage prior to meeting OH, or even before he discussed it initially - which he did first before the thought had crossed my mind! He was the one who brought up marriage and how he wanted to get married.

I'm not in a rush - all I needed to know was that he does want to get married and that it wouldn't be twenty years down the line...

roxalana

I got my hopes up again cos we went on hol but no joy yet...

Feeling a little fed up though wondering if it is my punishment for trying on that dress

sunshinejoclaire

Jo_R wrote: »

That's kind of what I think... although it has been put to me thatthe woman gets to have the privilege of carrying the baby for 9 months which kind of excludes the man therefore giving him the name makes him feel part ofit sort of thing... The way I see it with my DDs is that I have brought them up so it annoys me now that they have their dad's surname (as well as mine) but that's a whole other story, but you can kind of see why that makes me cautious about surnames.

absolutley! I don't blame you one bit.

skintchick

Jamespir - my OH proposed after four months and I felt he'd taken his time! We have been married for nine months now and in four months' time will have a baby!

Everyone's timescales are different and I don;t think 18 months is too short a time to be together before getting married/proposing.

Jo_R_2

Gads skintchick, the more I read your posts, the more romantic the "traditional" way sounds! Think I'm a lost cause in the sense of doing things in the right order now though - no redeeming me LOL!

Think the most I can hope for as traditional goes is for him to do the proposing... Oh and change my surname to his... Hang on a min... Not sure I'm totally with this traditional "ness"