MMD: Would you get into debt to grant a friend’s dying wish?

purplegaily

Having read lots of the responses, it appears we are mostly in the same boat

Yes, I would promise to scatter the ashes but on the following conditions - which I would have discused with friend beforehand

1 I would not get further into debt to do this - so it may not happen for a good while.
2 I would not expect my friend to leave me money in the Will to do this (although it would be nice, and that money would be used to go abroad only - I would not use it to pay off my own debts)
3 I would make sure that this was part of a holiday taken by my family, where the scattering of ashes was made into part of a celebration of the friends life. We would make time to enjoy the place that was special enough to them that they had wanted their ashes scattered there.
4 I would ensure that I had someone else who could carry out these wishes if there were to come a time when it became impossible for me to do. Or if someone else was planning to go that way before it was economic for me to do so.

Tojo_Ralph

....
Assuming I had the debt, no wish to visit the Grand Canyon and that the soul purpose of any trip would be to scatter their ashes, there's no way I'd go in person.

However, given that the persons primary wish was for them to be scattered in the Grand Canyon rather than for them to be scattered in the Grand Canyon by me, I'd make arrangements to have their mailed remains scattered in the Grand Canyon by a.n.other.

lukebunger

There are a lot of ifs and buts about this one, but Ultimately, i think no matter what, I wouldn't go in to more debt JUST to fulfil the wishes of a friend, however, depending on the circumstances, I may be willing to spend a bit of money I don't yet have to make them happy in life.

For example, I probably wouldn't go into debt just take their ashes over to the grand canyon to scatter them once my friend had passed away, but I certainly WOULD consider going into some debt and taking my friend to the grand canyon before they died.

I wouldn't take a trip anywhere for the expressed purpose of just scattering ashes, but would make a promise that it would happen some time, and make it known amongst friends and family that if they ever visit the states, to try and scatter the ashes once there, and if at some point in the future my finances change, i would definitely make sure that was the first holiday i took with the money.

If my friend particularly wanted me to do it, (it had some special significance to us personally, that would mean it wouldn't be special if other people did it) I actually think i would probably tell my friend that my finances mean it wouldn't be able to happen for a while, who knows what they have put aside for that sort of thing.

And of course, if i had more reasons but the ashes to visit the states (friends and family to visit which i had already planned, etc) i would then consider going into a bit of additional debt and combine the two trips, one visa and an internal flight while there is a heck of a lot cheaper than two international trips.

But ultimately, i don't think any true friend in life would honestly expect you to go into thousands of pounds of debt to fulfil a whim, so why would you once they have passed.

bobmccluckie

No chance! He wants his ashes sprinkled in the grand canyon he can pay.

charliesnanna

No Iwouldn't.... just because he's dead doesn't make him any less of a selfish inconsiderate person expecting you to go further into debt for his whim!!!

petersandyglen

As most of the others say, It would be a very inconsiderate friend not to provide the wherewithall for the journey. If you couldn't afford the journey for yourself, why put yourself in debt for a dead person.

RedBooties_2

Nahhh I've been there. What would I get out of it

Seriously though: I'd go again and only for that reason I would agree to sprinkle the ashes. But it would be when I choose to go, when I'm out of debt etc. Until then they can enjoy a position on the mantel; they're not going anywhere in a hurry.

hr9hr9

I would not get into further debt.

I would wait until such a time that I could afford it or at least until some of the £10,000 had been paid off.

My Aunt had a similar situation with her 2nd husbands ashes, he was left for over a year as he wanted to be scattered on some mountain top somewhere in Yorkshire. My aunt did joke that she probably brought quite a bit of him home again as it was a windy day and the ash flew back in her face/mouth. :rolleyes:

englishmac

Corona wrote: »

A lot of people hide their debts from friends and family, so even if they were a close friend there's no reason they'd necessarily know you were in debt....
If they were a good friend, I'd want to do it for them.

This is me! Close friends and family know I am strapped but not to what extent.

I would not get further into debt to fund the trip; ashes don't go off - they will keep until I can make the trip. Would I take the trip? Too right. I was obviously close to my friend for 2 reasons:
1. I was by their side on their deathbed
and
2. They knew me so well! Take a trip abroad and do the favour at the same time; good organisation, worthy cause and great fun to boot. I'd even buy a bottle of their favourite brew to toast them as I scatter their remains. I can hear them giggling as I do it!

tallgirld

SO WAIT A MINUTE THEY LEFT NO MONEY FOR ME IN THEIR WILL TO TAKE THEIR ASHES TO THE GRAND CANYON????!!!!! (cheek of it) ;-)

Well what I would do is get out of debt FIRST. Then I would go to the Canyon and carry out their wish.