Who owns a deceaseds ashes?

consultant31

cody1988 wrote: »

Why is it so wrong to expect that our Fathers belongings be given to his children? Had she been his wife then we could swallow that but they were only together 9 years, he was our Father for a lot longer.

Top and bottom of it - your Father's belongings have been given to the person your Father loved most!

Whether they were together 9 years or 90 years, whether she was his wife or his girlfriend makes no difference............if he chose to give her everything why would you deny her? Don't his wishes matter to you at all?

It seems you can find money to consult a solicitor but not to pay for his funeral, which would have cost around £500 each between 4 of you!

I don't think you're feeling much grief at all - just greedy and spiteful :mad:

consultant31

cody1988 wrote: »

I'm sorry I don't agree, children should always come before girlfirends.

Depends on what sort of children you were, we choose our friends but not necessarily our offspring.

Rikki

cody1988 wrote: »

I'm sorry I don't agree, children should always come before girlfirends.

Will you be there to wipe the dribble from his lips, wipe his - - - in later life. I think not. You will say this is the girlfriends responsibility. Maybe thats why she was given everything.

Sagz_2

cody1988 wrote: »

I'm sorry I don't agree, children should always come before girlfirends.

Ok you don't agree..... but the world does not revolve around you.

Now stop trolling!

ginvzt

cody1988, am I right guessing that you were born in 1988? Not every 20-year old has clear idea of what is the life like and that would explain a lot why DVDs and CDs and stereo are more important than your fathers wishes!

shellsuit

Why on earth would you feel that you have a right to a stereo, CDs and DVDs?

I did feel for you at first when I read about the ashes, but now I just think you want want want and don't give a crap about what your Father wanted. (Which was everything to go to his partner)

I'd understand if you wanted his watch, or photos etc, something personal, but electrical equipment?

With regards to his ashes, is there any chance you can have a sit down and chat with his partner and see if you can come to some arrangement where you can decide on somewhere you can scatter them?

It really grates on me when I see families complaining about what they are left or not left when someone passes away.

When my Nan died, she left 9 sons and a daughter, over 40 grandchildren and lots of great grand children.

You'd think there would be murder when it came to her possessions wouldn't you?

It was quite the opposite. The whole family got together, sorted out who was having what, but they had to pay something for it and all the money collected went to pay for her funeral. That was done out of respect for my Nan. She would have hated the thought that her family were bickering as soon as she had gone.

Please stop being so selfish and greedy and think of your poor Dads wishes, not to mention the feelings of his partner.

iluvfreebies

at the end of the day your father had left a will stating who he wanted his stuff to go be left to. you will just have to respect his wishes.

cody1988

Has no-one considered she manipulated our Father into doing what she wanted?

Nicki

cody1988 wrote: »

Has no-one considered she manipulated our Father into doing what she wanted?

No, to be honest, because she was in a relationship with him for nine years!

The Stereo, dvds etc were probbaly bought as joint possessions anyway. How can you prove that your father paid for them, rather than that it came out of a joint account, or was paid for by him as a present to her.

It sounds like the size of the estate (apart from the house which was owned as joint tenants) was very small, so if they had been married, she would have inherited it all, and neither you, your siblings, or your dad's first wife if she's still alive would have got a penny. Your dad obviously thought about what he wanted before he died and decided that he wanted her to be treated on his death as though they had been married.

The law recognises her right to the ashes and to all your dad's possessions, as does your dad's best friend and executor, as does the solicitor you have already consulted as do the vast majority of people posting on this board.

Reading between the lines, if you are 20 and your dad has been in a relationship with this woman for 9 years, then he probably left your mother when you were a young child, and you no doubt have a great deal of bitterness about this. That's something you need to sort out in a more constructive way than this one, where you have no chance of succeeding and will only hurt yourself and everyone around you.

moongarden

ginvzt wrote: »

cody1988, am I right guessing that you were born in 1988? Not every 20-year old has clear idea of what is the life like and that would explain a lot why DVDs and CDs and stereo are more important than your fathers wishes!

My father passed away on 21st October this year, a month ago. There are three siblings as I have a brother and a sister and we have never had a good relationship with my fathers girlfriend. They were together for 13 years - a year longer than my father was married to my mother.

I would not choose my fathers girlfriend as a friend, we are quite different and of different generations and have had our run-ins in the past, but I hope I never dishonour my father by treating her with anything other then respect. I feel it is my duty to my father to make sure she is provided for and has what she needs.

I did not particularly think the funeral was what my dad would have wanted, but it is done now.

We have not yet found the Will, they have a house purchased jointly, all the financial stuff is still to be sorted out. No doubt there will be problems and it is going to be very difficult to keep everyone totally happy in trying to make the arrangements.

I am very sad, but I was brought up to be strong so I will keep going. I was born in 1971 by the way.

Perhaps I am dealing with this differently as I am at a different stage in my life than the OP. Perhaps he feels cheated out of something/like something has been taken away from him and has attributed this to not getting the stereo. What he has really lost is a future relationship with his father, the chance to put past problems right and the chance to make future happy memories together.