Who owns a deceaseds ashes?

wannabe_sybil

lauren_1 wrote: »

Why would you want his dvd's, cd's and stereo?

Hardly sentemental items?

No-one can get righteously indignant about a desire for dear old dad's photos of his little ones when they were little ones.

Also, if not troll, it may be sentimental value. I have a tape player that my dad gave me in 1984. It was top of the range when he got it @ 1980. I couldn't bear to part with it as it has been everywhere with me.

OP you may be able to pick up duplicate copies of dvds and cds very inexpensively on ebay, if you wish to watch/listen to something and remember your father.

whitewing

The executors decide what to do with the ashes, according to a solicitor I asked this morning.

windra

I really cant beleive what im reading. These children sound so selfish! It almost sounds to me like they want the cd,dvd's and stereo for themselves just because they fancy one!
I can understand photo's or cd's for sentimental reasons but not a stereo.

How selfish can you get? No wonder he didn't put you in his will.

You have absolutly no case at all, your father CHOSE not to leave you anything, it was his wishes. IMO it looks like pure selfishness and jealousy that you want to contest his will.

If i were you i would send the poor woman a sorry card, and treat her with some respect. Then MAYBE she will be a more decent person than you, and actually care about YOUR feelings, though she shouldnt considering you have openly stated that you don't care about her feelings at all.

cody1988

whitewing wrote: »

The executors decide what to do with the ashes, according to a solicitor I asked this morning.

Thank you. Are you aware of wether their decision can be challenged?

wannabe_sybil

cody1988 wrote: »

Thank you. Are you aware of wether their decision can be challenged?

I believe it can be challenged. You will need to find a specialist solicitor and it will costs you lots and lots and lots and lots of money. You may not win, especially if there is any indication in your father's will that he would like his partner to have his remains.

Sorry if this is not comforting. Perhaps it may be nice to go to church and light a candle for your father to give comfort.

whitewing

cody1988 wrote: »

Thank you. Are you aware of wether their decision can be challenged?

As far as I am aware, everything on the planet can be challenged depending on limitless time and energy.

Do you know who the executers are? Presumably the girlfriend is one, but I was told there are usually two.

If you can find out who they are, it may be worth having a nice, informal chat with them. The executer is usually someone your dad would have known or a trusted professional. If professional person, you may have to pay for the chat. And the girlfriend may or may not be informed, I really don't know.

It may be cheaper or more agreeable than threatening court action.

Maybe you could write your dad a very personal and open letter telling him what he meant to you or any feelings, unresolved issues and how much you loved him. Your siblings could do the same. Then you could have some kind of ceremonial burning of these, and scatter these ashes over your grandmother's grave.

cody1988

Thank you. Yes, there is another executor who was a long term friend of our Father however she is siding with the girlfriend.

I shall speak to my brothers about seeing a lawyer, thank you for your time.

Rikki

whitewing wrote: »

The executors decide what to do with the ashes, according to a solicitor I asked this morning.

My OH has it written into his will what he would like doing with his ashes.

I know his wishes but its to stop his children by previous marriages doing as they wish with them.

Savvy_Sue

cody1988 wrote: »

Thank you. Yes, there is another executor who was a long term friend of our Father however she is siding with the girlfriend.

does that not tell you anything? Not just the evil gf, but a long term friend of your father, whom your father trusted enough to appoint as his executor, feel the same way.

cody1988 wrote: »

I shall speak to my brothers about seeing a lawyer, thank you for your time.

If you didn't have the money for his funeral, I doubt you'll have the money to take this a lot further.

moggylover

Well, if I was the girlfriend, and you treated me this way I would probably give you the urn with some ashes in: but they would not be the real ones!

Strikes me that you really are not at all bothered about your fathers wishes in this matter, nor about remembering him: it seems much more aimed at hurting his girlfriend! Maybe that is why he left her everything and you lot nothing in the first place:D .

For your information, I still have my mum at home with me, waiting to move to our new house first, and then I shall take her "home" to Windsor, to the beauty spot that she wanted to be scattered at. I lost her three years ago this December - and I still do not want to let go of her ashes yet! THAT is what it can be like to loose someone you REALLY care about!

Could your father have made it any more clear that he wanted her to have everything?