Who owns a deceaseds ashes?

WorkAnimal

This is something we went through, we had the same attitude as you too. In the end she did give us the ashes.. I would maybe seek legal help if I was you.

Good luck!

Mojisola

WorkAnimal wrote: »

This is something we went through, we had the same attitude as you too. In the end she did give us the ashes.

Are you sure? If it was me being hounded by unpleasant people, I might hand over some ashes but they wouldn't be those of my loved one!

liney

Do you really think your father would want to be buried with his Mother? Perhaps she is keeping them because they wanted to be buried together at a later date.

If i was her i'd fight you tooth and nail (not that i think she has to has his entire estate belongs to her which i am sure includeds his ashes) especially if i knew he disliked his familiy enough to dis-inherit them. For all she knows you are bitter and want to flush them down the loo!

I am making a wild assumption that you don't like the woman, think she has taken what is 'rightfully yours' and frankly you are doing it out of spite.

pukkamum

I do agree with all the above posters but on the other hand none of us knoe the full story so really shouldn't comment.
We are about to scatter my stepdad's ashes and when we contacted the funeral home we were told the person that organised the funeral had to collect them, then when she phoned (his sister) we were told his next of kin had to collect them (my sister)!!!!!!
In the end both his sister and my sister went for them but they didn't even ask for id or anything!!!!
At the end of the day even if you got a court order demanding them (wich i don't think you will as she is sole benefactor) what would stop her handing over a pileof ashes from the firethey cant be identified.
I would try and put this all behind you i'm sure your father would be dreadfully upset to know all the trouble this has caused, and perhaps just have your own little ceremony and plant a tree or something similar in his memory.
After all not being awful but ashes are just ashes the person has gone and it's pointless upsetting yourself over.
HTH x

minimoneysaver

Why don't you call a funeral parlour or two and ask their advice?

Nicki

WorkAnimal wrote: »

This is something we went through, we had the same attitude as you too. In the end she did give us the ashes.. I would maybe seek legal help if I was you.

Good luck!

It takes all sorts, but this certainly isn't something I'd ever be proud to admit to

windra

Parents often confide in their partners things they would never tell their chilren, especially if they feel their children would go over there heads.

If he left everything to his partner he obviously didnt trust you to handle his afairs, and therefore its very likely he made clear to her what should be done with his ashes. I'm sure his widow would have honored his wishes if he had asked to be buried with his mother.

Treating a widow clearly in mourning in such a disrespectful manner is a dishonor to your late father who clearly loved her very much.

Shouldn't you be thinking of what your father actually wanted rather than what YOU want?

ceebeeby

I feel for all of you, GF and the four children.

You've all recently lost someone you cherished. I would imagine that your dad wouldn't want there to be bitterness and anxiety over this matter.

Could you not send a nice card, from all four children, asking to be informed of her decision regarding the scattering, and ask to be part of that ceremony / occasion.

Perhaps now is the time to work together rather than apart.

I'm sure it's what your dad would have wanted.

mountainofdebt

To be honest I'm surprised that the undertakers released the ashes to the girlfriend as legally, she isn't the next of kin.

We had a similar situation when my FIL died - girlfriend wanted the ashes buried in a separate plot but SIL wanted them buried with those of MIL. The undertaker told SIL that as she and OH were the next of kin it was their wishes that counted.

In the end it was agreed that she could have some of the ashes to do with as she wanted but the majority were buried in the same plot as MIL.

Just thinking outside the box here but is there anything that is likely to cause an argument in the will and the girlfriend is sortof holding the ashes to ransom?

cody1988

She arranged the funeral, as we couldnt afford to pay we let her get on with it. The will left everything to her, they bought a house together a few years ago as joint tennents and she says there is no other money. We did consult a lawyer but he wasnt interested in helping us get what is rightfully ours from this woman. We have given her a list of the things we want but she refuses to give us anything.