are normal blokes romantic?

DKLS

The initial stages of a relationship, its all too easy to be romantic especially when trying to get your legover, but then over time men can get lazy and simply not bother.

I dont see it that way the more effort I put in, the better the rewards and 9 times out of 10 its the simple gestures that mean the most.

I intend to be with my other half still holding hands and snogging when we are grey and wrinkly, even if it does turn teenagers stomachs!

Jasper27_2

OP the fact that your OH is like this with everyone else too suggests it's him who has issues. I'm long time married and admit sometimes you can take each other for granted if you don't work at it. But the fact that he shows so little interest in your daughter and can't be bothered to get his own mother a birthday card is awful. I can only suggest you think about his good points and decide if they are enough to mkae you want to continue with this relationship.

glitterycloud

ive been married twice and have 2 different experiences of husbands, my first husband was not very romantic he proposed while lying in bed saying "so you wanna get married then?" he would buy lots of expensive presents that i didnt really want, go on expensive holidays each year we were up to our eyeballs in debt and we never once had a decent conversation. He would buy me in every way he could.

My second husband is a whole world away from my ex, he is thoughful he will surprise me with flowers, we watch dvds snuggled up on the sofa quite often and we have the most wonderful conversations. He has even cooked me breakfast which was great.

To be with someone that doesnt try to keep the magic alive would make me wonder if I am with the right person. But saying that the op other half is like that with everyone. All i shall say is life is too short to be unhappy.
XX

Horace

My separated hubby used to do romantic by taking me out for dinner on our anniversary and on birthdays and he used to buy me jewellery. All love was lost when I was lying in hospital at death's door and he preferred to go to a motorbike rally in another part of the country rather than visit me:mad: After that his friends were more preferable and he changed from being a smart person to a beardy wierdy - we are better as friends:D

My boyfriend is a different kettle of fish - he is into cuddles which I think is extremely odd:rolleyes: He never says that he loves me but I think that he does in his own way - once when I had eye surgery he drove all the way to Birmingham from London and bought me some heavily scented flowers because he knew that I couldnt see too well. These days he takes me out for dinner but then that could be because I hardly ever have food in the house:rolleyes: He buys me presents - these are generally more practical like an ironing board (I needed one) and an electric blanket which I had never thought of getting but now use it every night in the winter:D Oh, don't get me wrong he's not perfect in fact he can be a selfish pig - marching into my place and going to straight to my computer and spending hours on it or commandeering the remote for my tv so he thinks he is luc picard, I end up going to bed and leaving him to it. We have a great relationship because he has his place and I have mine plus there is 120 miles between us:rotfl: It must work because we have been together since 2003:eek:

maggirl

Thanks everyone, I was having another think about it last night. I spoke to him about it Christmas, and asked him why he didnt make an effort last year. He said he didnt feel he had done anything wrong last year, he said he just felt like a lie in, he was tired...... So I said "Didnt you want to see XX open her presents then" and his answer was, well you could have videod it, and anyway I saw her playing with her presents when I got up, whats the big deal....................So there you have it in a nutshell. he thinks I'm making too big a deal out of it.

He is like this with the rest of his family, and he always has been. Im the one that has to remember to buy him a card to send to his mum and brothers/sisters. I put it under his nose and he signs it, then I post it.

I didnt want to make a big deal of the fact that he never actually proposed or anything, it was just an example of the laid back way he behaves. I never really thought about it at the time. I also wasnt so bothered when we were just a couple and didnt have kids, but I think he should make more of an effort becuase before he know it, she will be grown up and he will have missed all the magic and fun of her believing in santa and the tooth fairy. Plus there are two sides to every story...he probably says I dont make an effort either, he is always reminding me that I am far from perfect!

I think I need to do some more thinking!! Thanks everyone.

Stephb1986_2

My OH isn't romantic either, every week he will buy me his local paper and a bottle of oasis so atleast thats something.

You could try talking to him about it.

Steph xx

oystercatcher

I'm wondering what his upbringing was like?
My XH had a terrible childhood as a child of an alcoholic and this made him really bad at celebrations initally. He just wasn't aware of of what 'normal' families did. He did improve with time and enjoyed seeing the children enjoy themselves. Now he's on his own he sends presents late or early , it's just the way he is it's all well meant he just doesn't see it as important to have a 'special day'.

The current Mr Oystercatcher spent a lot of time at boarding school and also missed out on brithday celebrations. When I met him (aged 38!) he couldn't even remember when his families birthdays were! His Mum used to send cards to the family on his behalf (which probably didn't help!) Now I have a list and remind him.
I must admit he does make an effort for my brithday and Christmas though and he does occaisionally buy me presents for no reason.

It might be worth trying to organise your OH in advance, tell him you want to make Christmas special for your DD as they only have one childhood, explain that you expect him to be up nice and early for the present opening and this means making sure he won't have a hangover. If he really did feel ill last Christmas then it's not surprising he didn't want to get up, but this can be avoided it's NOT essential to get drunk on Christmas Eve!

If he can't see the point in all the fuss then it might be worth trying some counselling to try and help you to evaluate the relationship. If he's just got complacent and maybe doesn't have good memories of his Dad making much effort then he might be able to change. If not , well then you have to decide if life is better with him as he is or maybe without him ?

Good luck

Oystercatcher

lauzjp

My hubby is not terribly romantic either We buy each other little things all the time, but flowers is a trying subject. We live near two shops that sell flowers, but I always end up buying them myself. I could count on one hand the times he's bought me flowers. BUT he does everything else you could ever want. He cooks, cleans, helps me out with my jobs So I can't complain really!

dora37

In my eyes being romantic doesn't necessarily mean material things - far more romantic being thoughtful and considerate.......and doesn't have to cost anything.

margaretclare

DKLS wrote: »

The initial stages of a relationship, its all too easy to be romantic especially when trying to get your leg over, but then over time men can get lazy and simply not bother.

I dont see it that way the more effort I put in, the better the rewards and 9 times out of 10 its the simple gestures that mean the most.

I intend to be with my other half still holding hands and snogging when we are grey and wrinkly, even if it does turn teenagers stomachs!

I don't care what turns teenagers' stomachs. Some of the things they do, the way they dress etc, turns my stomach. So what. DH and I have lived on this planet for long enough to do as we please without criticism. No one around us now has any right to criticise us.

DH said, when we first got together 11 years ago, that he 'was not a great romantic, not one for chocolates and flowers'. I couldn't care less about chocolates and flowers. What he does every day of his life is 'romantic' - his concern, his care for me, a whole host of small things. Now he's back in hospital, he phones me on his mobile because he 'just needs to hear my voice'. He phones to say 'good night' and 'good morning'. I often thought he didn't actually say 'I love you' in words, often enough, but since his recent brush with the Grim Reaper he says it at every opportunity.

Does that answer your question?